The Gnat (Natalie) Posted November 3, 2017 Share Posted November 3, 2017 This Sunday, I'm having dinner with a close friend who I don't get to see very often lately because of school. As it happens, I haven't talked to her in person since I realized I was ace. I almost came out to her like 20 minutes ago over text so I could make an ace joke about myself, but I resisted because I'm an adult with willpower, and if I'm going to come out to a second person it's going to be in person. (Came out to my mom over the phone because I live four hours away.) Anyway, what are your thoughts? I'm not sure how I feel like bringing it up out of the blue. If dating stuff comes up, I'll probably decide to say something because I'm sure she won't take it badly, but I don't know. I guess I'm afraid of making it weird. I'm just curious what you guys think about it. To come out or not to come out? That is the question. Link to post Share on other sites
TMoore Posted November 3, 2017 Share Posted November 3, 2017 Coming out is a long and difficult process, so do it when you are ready... Disclaimers and mantras aside, I am slowly coming out to more and more of my close friends and will becoming out to my parents when I visit home for Thanksgiving. Telling my best friends that I'm asexual and receiving acceptance is one of the most uplifting things I have experienced. It is validating and I slowly feel myself accepting my sexuality as part of my identity, something that I had really struggled to do. If and only if you are ready, I think that coming out can be a healthy thing. And it's okay to bring it up out of the blue, or it's okay to make a joke about it that leads into coming out. I've done it both ways, and both times my friends have been accepting and welcoming (though the being upfront was a little easier). Either way, I wish you the best of luck, and I look forward to hearing about your experiences as you continue on your journey. Much love Link to post Share on other sites
StormySky Posted November 4, 2017 Share Posted November 4, 2017 Don't be afraid to meet up with and spend time with a friend... if questions the subject come up, you may need to tell her you're ace. I'm sure she'll understand, true friends won't dislike you for not being sexually attracted to anyone. You may not be ready to tell, and that's okay. Much love and best luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
Rosette Posted November 4, 2017 Share Posted November 4, 2017 I say if you trust your friend and don't think they'll judge you, go for it. I've told a couple friends about my being ace. None of them seemed to really have an issue with it, though I'm somewhat careful about who I pick to tell. Wish you the best! Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Ace Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 Before coming out, it is easy to build up a worst case scenario in your mind. If you never come out, then all it will ever be is a negative image in your mind. You may find that she is very supportive of you and realize that things aren't as bad as you might think. At the very worst she won't be supportive at all, but at least you would know. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 Try testing the water a bit beforehand, just to see what your friend thinks about the more 'out there stuff' before deciding. Just an idea. Every situation is a different one. Link to post Share on other sites
The Gnat (Natalie) Posted November 6, 2017 Author Share Posted November 6, 2017 LOL I'M BACK FROM HANGING OUT WITH HER AND GUESS WHO'S STILL IN THE CLOSET 😀 Yep, you guessed correctly! It's me! This should be way easier than it is... fml Link to post Share on other sites
Fighting_For_Us Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 13 hours ago, The Gnat (Natalie) said: LOL I'M BACK FROM HANGING OUT WITH HER AND GUESS WHO'S STILL IN THE CLOSET 😀 Yep, you guessed correctly! It's me! This should be way easier than it is... fml It is surprisingly hard! I've found it gets *a tiny bit* easier every time I've come out, simply because the more I say it out loud the more comfortable I become with it. I think I've told seven people now (none of them family), and there's another friend I would like to tell. Lucky for me she and another person I'm out to are also ace, so they were totally on board. I'm sure this isn't the case for everyone, but I wish you the best of luck on coming out to your friend when you're ready! I will say, it's very liberating once you've come out to a friend or two because when you're around them you can make ace jokes, just like how they may make dating jokes. And if a friend or two knows you're ace they can help be a buffer when other friends you're not out to try to pressure you into revealing a non-existent crush. Anyways, good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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