Unsure of what I Identify as.

[GraciesCatnip]

 Hello! I am gonna need some help here and what I'm about to say might be confusing? At least it is to me so that's why I'm asking for help.

 

 So lately I've been thinking about gender and identities and all of that but I'm not very well educated into this whole thing. I was raised as a girl and now that I'm fourteen I've really started to hate my body. I even hated it before that though. When my body started to change at a very early age ((around third grade)) I was disgusted and terrified. I felt like I couldn't talk to my own mom or older sister about it because I felt embarrassed. I have one older sister, one older brother, and one younger brother. When I was around 7-10, I mostly stuck around my older brother a lot. I started hating girly clothing once I realized how it clung to my growing body and showed more features I was self conscious about. I grew up hating makeup while I wondered why my sister even liked it. Then came along my friends who started to change genders and pronouns and it made me question myself.

 

 I had always wished to be born male. Always had since my body changed. I hate having these big milk bags on my chest because I feel embarrassed and always hide my chest with baggy shirts and jackets. I also think if I were born male, I probably wouldn't date other females. I definitely ogle males and all of my crushes have been males. Thinking of the female body actually makes me sick and makes me put pressure onto myself.

 

 I really hate being female but like I'm so used to being called she/her that it feels so natural and I would be too nervous to come out to friends or family if I wanted to be a guy. I don't think I would change my appearance at all if I were to find out I actually think of myself as a guy despite hating my feminine looks.

 

 My friend had told me awhile ago she wanted to be called they/them and Collin. This obviously started pretty much the whole shebang and she ended up a few weeks later going back to her old name and pronouns and said she was confused. This lead me to thinking I was maybe confused?

 

 So pretty much what I'm saying is that I wish for to be a guy. I hate how pudgy and feminine my face looks and all my annoying curves that the female titled clothes stick to and the labels that females have but I also don't want to change my appearance to look like a boy. I just feel like inside I'd prefer just to feel like I'm a boy and like other boys?

 

 So my main question is what would I identify as? A female? Male? Or something else?

[PitterPatterPuffin]

Hi! first off, i can completely relate to hating the "big milk bags on my chest". I honestly wish i hadn't even been born with them. Also, lots of women's clothing is so...revealing, which i don't like. You may have bigger sizes when you move up to the women's section, but its still the same amount of fabric. 

Now on to you main question; what do you identify as? One thing possible solution: just ignore the labels and act/dress however you want. Your personality doesn't have to be defined by blue and pink cookie-cutter boxes. 

Another possibility may be being agender, meaning you don't identify to one gender. if you can't choose between male and female, then you shouldn't have to. Also, if you think you want to be a boy, then go for it. Overall, just do what makes you feel happy and proud/confident!

 

 

I hope everything goes well for you in the end, and i hope i helped maybe a little bit. 

[Fighting_For_Us]

Only you know exactly what you feel. It's up to you to decide how you identify.

That being said, here's something I went through when I was younger:

As a kid I was super girly - long hair, pink clothes, a feather boa, the whole shebang. Then as I got to 11-12 years old I hated hating everything girly. Anything pink, cutesy, fluffy, or anything that even resembled a dress went out the door. I hated how people assumed I did or liked certain things because I was a girl. I hated looking feminine, and I hated the 'milk bags on my chest'. I wanted to hang out with the guys and be like them.

Now, I never had crushes on boys, so I can't help you out with that too much.

But as got a few years older I changed a few things. I cut my hair short (like pixie style, I even did a side-cut at one point and have dyed my hair many times too), changed how I was dressing to fit my personality, and even got some less common ear piercings because I thought they looked cool. To sum things up, I let myself be me. And in doing so I suddenly felt more free of social expectations, and instead felt empowered, I finally got to be myself. In the process I became more comfortable with my body, since I'd tailored other aspects of my appearance to suit me. It's amazing what a good haircut and  wardrobe change can do.

 

My point I guess would be is explore who you are. That may mean a different thing for you than it did for me, but don't be afraid to work with what you've got to create someone who's very you.

 

Good luck!