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(A)romantic hugs + poll


try again

(a)romantic hugs  

51 members have voted

  1. 1. What is your (a)romantic + hugs combo

    • i am aromantic + love hugs
      13
    • i am aromantic + hate hugs
      6
    • i am aromantic + dont care about hugs
      13
    • i am romantic + love hugs
      14
    • i am romantic + hate hugs
      1
    • i am romantic + dont care about hugs
      4


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My skin is ultra sensitive, to the point where putting sunscreen is a nightmare. Anything i am repulsed of, i cannot touch. Added to that is my shallowness, so i find a lot of people quite repulsive. Which brings me to never landing any hugs or physical contact on other people. That being said, i had a very unpleasant experience of living with a person in same apartment, who was always demanding enormous amounts of hugs and pokes because "all fiends are doing it". No amount of explanation that i cant provide those was getting the situation any better. I tried my best to do hugs and pokes, and it was very disturbing. It is over now, but i am still wondering: am i the bad guy here, not being able to provide tons of hugs to a friend?

 

So, the main question i would like to ask, is how other aromantics see hugs and other physical contact. Please take the poll and leave your comments.

 

P.S. If you are a shy introvert, like i am, i still want to hear you opinion! Drop me a private message, if posting openly is too hard.

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I'm heteroromantic so not really your target audience I guess but I wondered if my thoughts might still be helpful - feel free to disregard if not!

 

I love hugs, always have done - but I have friends who don't, varying from "I don't really get it but it seems to make the other person happy so why not" through "I guess if it's your birthday I'll give you a hug, call it a present" to "Uh, just no. No hugs, ever, please, thanks." So you are definitely not alone. And there is nothing wrong with not liking or wanting hugs (or physical contact more broadly). It does not make you any less of a good friend that hugs make you so uncomfortable. I'm really sorry the person who was living with you was pushing you to do it because "all friends are doing it" - that's not okay, and it is that person who was in the wrong, not you.

 

 

14 minutes ago, try again said:

 I tried my best to do hugs and pokes, and it was very disturbing. It is over now, but i am still wondering: am i the bad guy here, not being able to provide tons of hugs to a friend?

You sound like an amazing friend that you tried, not everyone would have done that. But here's the thing - it's not your duty to provide hugs to anyone, friends included. If I want a hug, I'll go to one of my friends who likes hugging. But I'll also go and talk to my other friends if there's something that's upset me that I need to talk about, and those of my friends who don't like hugs are awesome in other ways - one gives great advice, another listens and really hears me, another can always cheer me up with (so-bad-they're-funny) jokes. Sometimes if you like hugging, that becomes your go-to way to comfort someone, and those other ways of being comforting and supportive don't get so much practice! So there are things my hug-liking friends and great at and that I love them for, and different things my hug-disliking/hating friends are great at and that I love them for. No-one's a bad guy in all of this - unless someone asks someone to do something they aren't comfortable with and ignores their discomfort.

 

(Wow that got long-winded sorry!)

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I'm 'romantic' (capable of experiencing romantic feelings) and I detest hugs, seriously don't touch me, ever. Yuck!

 

IF I am romantically involved with someone however I could potentiality enjoy their touch but meh, the people I have been involved with over the past 6 years have aII been online so no touch has happened with anyone in that time (yet). The romantic feelings make me desire physical contact that would otherwise utterly repulse me with anyone else!

 

Edit: Regarding what you said about PMs, I'm also a hardcore introvert - to the extent I choose to have no friends in person (shudder) but my introversion actuaIIy makes PMing reaIIy difficult because its too personaI! Whereas posting in the open Iike this feels so impersonal and robotic that I'm fine with it. It's weird how introversion works differently for different people. (again though if I have 'feeIings' for someone then I develop an active desire for more personaI contact with them)

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8 minutes ago, FictoVore. said:

I'm 'romantic' (capable of experiencing romantic feelings) and I detest hugs, seriously don't touch me, ever. Yuck!

That is a twist! I've put "romantic + hate hugs" option purely out of symmetry.

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I'm romantic and love hugs, but only if they're from people I'm close friends with and trust. I don't have to have any romantic feelings for them. I actually feel bad if I haven't shared a hug with anyone for a while, but I dislike being hugged (or touched at all) by anyone I don't have a lot of affection for.

 

As for pokes, the only people who can get away with poking me are my mother and my best friend. Anyone else risks getting poked back by my fist. <_<

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I'm aromantic and can love, hate, or be indifferent to hugs depending on the person. I voted hate just because I hate hugging the vast majority of the human population.

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Romantic and generally indifferent. I'm fine with hugs but rarely initiate them. 

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arekathevampyre
32 minutes ago, Gloomy said:

I'm aromantic and can love, hate, or be indifferent to hugs depending on the person. I voted hate just because I hate hugging the vast majority of the human population.

That was what I am about to say . ☺

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J. van Deijck

I'm not really sure what to choose since I'm demiromantic, which makes me neither 100% romantic nor 100% aromantic.

 

I don't really like any physical contact. it makes me feel uncomfortable, and it also feels like my skin was burning. however, if I really like or love someone, I can actually enjoy their hugs. but this is my only exception.

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I'm somewhere on the aromantic spec and I don't like hugs. If I love someone (this is normally my family) I might hug them if they really need one but other than that, no hugs please (except online for some reason, I find it a lot easier to give hugs to someone I can't touch)

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With me people have to earn hug or be close friend and family. It just means friends really value the hugs I give as they are very rare.

 

 

 

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WinterWanderer

I'm not a fan of receiving hugs, but I will give them verrryyyy rarely. Like if I haven't seen a person in years. But if I don't offer, please don't touch me. :P

 

I think in my case, my aversion to hugging stems from my parents showing little to no real emotion growing up. Saying "I love you" and hugging were things we did because it's culturally correct. My parents will force me to hug them when we part ways after a visit, just because I'm "supposed" to. It bothers me. 1) I'm an adult, not a kid. I don't have to hug anyone if I don't want to, not even my own parents. 2) Hugs should be an expression of emotion. If I don't feel emotionally charged to hug someone, hugging then becomes a chore. It shouldn't be that way.

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2 minutes ago, Fioryn said:

I think in my case, my aversion to hugging stems from my parents showing little to no real emotion growing up. Saying "I love you" and hugging were things we did because it's culturally correct. My parents will force me to hug them when we part ways after a visit, just because I'm "supposed" to.

Hugging parents before leaving for a long time (like a year), and after returning is about the only hugs i ever take part in. But still have troubles saying to them "i love you".

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity

RL hugs are pretty much ok but it's exclusively reserved to my partner, family or soulmate. So you must either have known me since birth or for more that 5+ years every day to do so.

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I don't know whether I'm romantic or aromantic, and I like hugs as long as they're from someone I feel comfortable with.

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The Gnat (Natalie)

I feel like there wasn't an answer choice that really captured my 'deal,' so I'll just answer down here. I'm demiromantic, and I like hugs after I've gotten to know someone, but it's important to me that they ask if it's okay before the first time they hug me. If they just assume, I probably won't ever get to the point of being okay with it. (I may be demisensual, too, but I'm still pondering that...)

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I'm romantic and voted for love hugs. It kinda depends on the person tho, with some I'm pretty indifferent, with others I enjoy them and with others I wish they lasted longer/we had more (non-sensual nor sexual) physical intimacy ;-;

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I have no idea if I'm romantic or aromantic, but I'm leaning more to aro. I don't like physical contact with people, unless they are my sisters, my grandmother or my cousins. Even with my parents I only give or receive hugs when it's really necessary. My friends already know I don't like kisses and hugs, so they don't even ask anymore. I hate when you just meet someone and the first thing you are expected to do is hug and give a kiss in each cheek... 

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7 hours ago, Topi said:

I hate when you just meet someone and the first thing you are expected to do is hug and give a kiss in each cheek... 

I've lived in France for a while and i can confirm the horror. People there are also expected to be very physical for no apparent reason. Being raised in Russia, where the most physical you can get to a stranger is a handshake (which is sucky enough for me too), it was plainly shocking.

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Hermit Advocate

I'm aromantic and I don't mind hugs with people I know well. Strangers and associates, no thank you. 

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I grew up with a very tactile family, so I am quite accustomed to platonic touch. I'm particular about types of touch, but I happen to really enjoy hugs. That said, any form of touch that takes on romantic connotations gets hella uncomfortable hella quick.

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