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A fear of mine


TheGreatCaesar

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TheGreatCaesar

Regarding relationships, the biggest fear of mine is being rejected and completely ignored. I know it seems pretty irrational but due to circumstance, it's one I've always held on to (for lack of a better phrase). I've never (and possibly will never) amass the courage to even tell the person I've got a crush on right now, and that alone makes me hate myself to some degree. This fear is due to my asexuality, which seems to be hated by almost everyone else (so why would she be exempt?). That's just a quick rant for me to feel easier as I slip into reality again, so auf wiedersen.

 

-TheGreatCaesar

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SamwiseLovesLife

Bless. I think everyone feels this way a little, it's hard to be honest when you're worrying about scaring someone away

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To be blunt, if someone's response to you telling them you like them is to not just turn you down but to completely shut you out, they're probably kind of a shitty person to begin with

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I also have my fears too... In fact, my problem is expressing via action how I feel. I get lost in my own thoughts, and then everything turns into a big mess. I have no issue on telling how I feel though. I am always honest about that without fear. However, when it comes to express, I entirely suck. The thing is, that it's not my shyness, and I am starting to assume it might be my asexuality. While I have sensual and romantic attractions, and have no problem problem on doing them, it is out of my comfort zone. It's as if I am a little ice cube that needs to be melted.  

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This is completely understandable, although I think it's dangerous to blindly say that if someone shuts you out completely for asking them out they're an asshole, end of story. There's nothing wrong with asking someone out, but it does put a strain on the friendship if they don't feel the same way. This can lead to the friend wanting space, which they're perfectly entitled to; this may feel like being rejected and ignored, but as someone who has done this before, it's less about you and more about trying to move on and allow you to move on. (And avoid feeling uncomfterable, tbh.)

 

That being said, I've had several friends with who have asked me out before, and we're still friends today. I understand that they wanted to try and appreciate that they were honest about their feelings. In fact, I met my best friend because he asked me out, and I feel like our relationship is stronger because we got through that. The difference between these people and others that I've cut myself off from is that they respected my "no," even in cases where I wasn't able to give them a clear reason why. (I didn't understand my asexuality for a long time, and therefore had problems vocalizing why I felt uncomfortable dating.)

 

Long story short: yeah, you may be rejected, or ignored, or it may end up not being a big deal. Or they could say yes! You have to decide for yourself if it's worth it.

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This is completely understandable, although I think it's dangerous to blindly say that if someone shuts you out completely for asking them out they're an asshole, end of story.

Bear in mind, by "completely shutting out" I mean "refusing to ever talk to or deal with you ever again"

 

And yes, if someone does that and it isn't particularly warranted (like, the person announcing their feelings isn't being a total creeper about it), I will think they are kind of a shitty person.  Do you really think it's normal to respond that way to someone trying to tell you they like you?

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