LKR Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 I'm 23 and I'm pretty sure I'm asexual. I do however get a lot of sexual interest from guys. I'll often give in and do sexual things because a) they want to b) maybe I'd like it if I tried and c) Maybe I'm one of those people who will feel it for the right person. What usually happens is that I go out with a guy, have a nice time and then "that' part of the night comes when they have sexual expectations. I usually give in and hate it. It makes me sad that I can't connect with people in a "normal" sexual way. It makes me feel that there is something wrong with me. I just want to socialize with other human beings without sexual expectations. Does that mean I have to avoid 50% of the population? Seems sad b/c I like guy's personalities. I don't know what to do:( Link to post Share on other sites
dianaisace Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 I think there could be many guys that don't require sex in relationships, and definitely not in friendships. It seems like you're forcing yourself to do something you really don't want to do, and that just ends up hurting you. Maybe try to disclose how you feel in advance (some guys may think you're using an excuse, or that asexuality isn't real, but there's always some good ones). I'm with my girlfriend and we just try to really be honest about sex and how we feel about it. Just a suggestion. Good luck <3 Hopefully you won't do more things that you hate. Link to post Share on other sites
roland.o Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 6 hours ago, LKR said: I usually give in and hate it. That's an indication that you should rather not give in. If you were indifferent, that's something else. But if you hate it, stop it. 6 hours ago, LKR said: I just want to socialize with other human beings without sexual expectations. How about going out in small groups instead of dating? Pursuing hobbies and finding like-minded people, online or in clubs/classes (like book club, tennis club, dancing class,...)? Link to post Share on other sites
Kai99 Posted November 2, 2017 Share Posted November 2, 2017 I can relate to that feeling of hopelessness with the opposite sex. I got so tired of guys wanting more than friendship that when I transferred to a different college, I aimed for female companionship. I usually go for male friends because I clicked more with them. I was able to find great girlfriends, way better than my male ones since I was never sure if the guy had ulterior motives for that companionship. So if I were you, I would aim for women with similar interests. Link to post Share on other sites
Dj91 Posted November 2, 2017 Share Posted November 2, 2017 There are Asexual guys out there too. I think you would find the same problem regardless of choice in partner. The problem is meeting them. Depending on what you mean by socialising you would probably be better, as others have suggested, looking to the female population if you are just looking for people to have a good time with and hang out with as there is a smaller possibility of them wanting more from you. If you are looking for a hetero asexual relationship then you need to be honest up front with them and be strict if they try anything. Link to post Share on other sites
MrDane Posted November 2, 2017 Share Posted November 2, 2017 Dont do things you hate. Perhaps you can find things which would be okay for you, and that is in the ball park of something sexual. This will definately expand your dating options a lot. Try also to be open about what you would like not to do! Link to post Share on other sites
AussieIsAce Posted November 2, 2017 Share Posted November 2, 2017 i totally get this. and people will say, there are ace guys out there but they dont understand that wanting to enjoy sex with someone is the real problem. its not the guys or the relationship or problems connecting its not being able to enjoy the sex. i sometimes feel like i want to have all this unattached sex and just go crazy with all kinds of men thinking maybe it will "fix" me or make me sexual but i know it wont. trying to accept that sex will not be what you were taught, butterflies and happiness is very hard. Being ace can make you feel like you are missing out on such a huge part of the human experience. i grew up knowing i wouldnt like sex. i was 3 years old when i told my mother i didnt want to have sex, but i still wished that one day it would change. Turns out if youre ace youre stuck hating sex forever....kinda feel cursed honestly good luck Link to post Share on other sites
magscats79 Posted November 3, 2017 Share Posted November 3, 2017 I usually had sex with guys because I either thought it would lead to a relationship or just to please them. Looking back I realized that sex made me feel uncomfortable and in the end I didn’t like it. I agree with the others don’t do something you don’t like and find like-minded people to do things with and surround yourself with them. Link to post Share on other sites
LKR Posted November 5, 2017 Author Share Posted November 5, 2017 Thank you. Yeah it's all about self acceptance. I'm actually writing a screenplay about it. But just giving in isn't going to get me anything I want so I should probably stop doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
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