howtobegeek Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Hi everyone, So recently I'm trying to figure out stuff about myself, and I really started to question my romantic orientation. At first, I thought I was gay (I'm afab but I think I might be non-binary), but then I started thinking about this weird crush I had on my (male) teacher. When I first saw him, I remember that I thought how you could possibly be talking to him without being distracted by him, because I just found him perfect. When I had my first class with him, I developed the biggest crush on him. I stalked him on Facebook, I wanted to know everything about him, his voice was just perfect for me and I couldn't stop admiring him in the lessons. And everytime I saw him I got butterflies in my stomach and got so nervous that I couldn't really concentrate. He once touched my hand by accident and it felt special for an eternity and in the evenings I couldn't fall asleep because I thought about him all the time. But the strange thing is, I couldn't imagine cuddling or kissing him or having a relationship. But the other crush I have on a girl (a close freind of mine I already know for years, she knows about my feelings for her) is really different. First if all, I don't think she's perfect like I did with my teacher. Second, I feel really sensually attracted to her. I really like cuddling with her or just hugging her, holding hands or her sitting on my lap. I'd also really like to kiss her. Now my question is, would you consider the "crush" on my teacher a real crush, although I couldn't imagine having a relationship with him? Do you think there is such a thing as "demisensual" (wanting to be sensual after getting to know the person)? Do you think I could identify as panromantic, because although I tend to find women more tractive than men, it isn't because they are women but because I just like their character better than most men's? Has anyone ever felt like that? Thanks in advance, 😚🍰 PS: Sorry for writing such an awfully long text Link to post Share on other sites
The Gnat (Natalie) Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 First question: I think you could label it as a crush or a squish, whatever you felt more comfortable with. I still struggle with this, but I had a Thing almost identical to what you described a couple years ago and have decided to call it a squish because it wasn't sexual. I just really, really, really loved her as a person and wanted to be her best friend. I don't know that there was a really a sensual aspect to it for me either, so I guess maybe that's part of the reason I wouldn't consider it romantic either. I don't know. I'm still real confused if you can't tell. Second: Demisensual is definitely real, as proven by yours truly. If strangers try to touch me I want to break their hands, but if friends touch me I'm totally cool as long as they ask about it the first time and make sure I'm ready for that. I don't feel any desire to have a "touchy" relationship with anybody that I'm not already really close with. (Example: My RA from freshman year has now, two years later, become one of my best friends, and she was recently telling me that on move-out day after freshman year I gave her a hug, and she almost started crying because I had never shown any sign of wanting hugs before that, and she was so overwhelmed that I was actually displaying affection in that way.) Third: I think you can identify as whatever romantic orientation you want to, and you have full license to change it immediately if it ever stops feeling accurate. Fourth: Covered it already. Link to post Share on other sites
howtobegeek Posted October 31, 2017 Author Share Posted October 31, 2017 Thank you so much 😚 Link to post Share on other sites
binary suns Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 sure why not, there really is no reason to exclude crushes to desire for relationship and kissing. maybe you just didn't like the idea of dating someone older than you I am teasing around lol. but the point is, just because someone has a crush doesn't mean it's going to end in marriage! lol. there are many many many experiences out there for all of us - a label is just a box to shove 'em into so we can make some sense of them. as to attraction, personally, I think that being comfortable to say, "oh I like physical affection" and "oh I like being emotionally close to people" is important, and so saying stuff like "sensual attraction" or "emotional attraction" or "aesthetic attraction" these terms have some good, quality meaning to them. but, what is the use to make this into an orientation? if anything, it is just an aspect to forming interpersonal relationships, but not its own category. am I making sense? sure sensuality and emotional attraction aren't exclusive to romanticism, but, they aren't standalone. they're attributes to intimacy - whether that "intimacy" is closeness with friends or family and platonic - or maybe it is part of your interest in romantic connection - it still is only an attribute. it'd be too wordy to make a bunch of orientation labels out of it. perhaps casually lol I wouldn't complain, but I don't want to see a trend of it Link to post Share on other sites
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