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My friends don't understand me


Antarttic

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Hey, I realized that I was asexual some months ago ( I'm almost 16 y/o) and I tried to explain my friends but they just don't understand. I told them that I've never felt anything for someone, I mean I'd like someone to cuddle and share time together. I can't imagine myself holding hands, kissing or even having sex. I just can't and I don't care about it.

My friends say that it's because I've never tried it before but it's not that, I just don't want to. I don't know how to tell them how I feel, I told them hundred of times I don't feel anything, I don't find it necessary and ugh! It drives me crazy. 

I also talk with a girl, who's very sweet and lovely but I don't feel I could date her, hold hands or something, I just want to hug her and watch some movies, I don't even know how to explain myself but I'm really tired of this shit. She said she likes me and sadly I said I liked her back but the things is I think I don't really like her, I mean I want to hug her because she's very cute and all those stuff but I said i liked her because I didn't want to loose her. She told my best friend she would like to date me and be my girlfriend and I don't want to hurt her more than I already did. I told her about me and she accepted it, the problem is I don't know how to tell her I want her as my ,kind of, "soulmate" and not as my girlfriend. Idk if I explained it well but anyway.

 

what should I do, I need help :(

 

(about my friends... they want me to try with her and I told them I won't but they don't want to accept me)

 

 

 

(Guys sorry if I have mistakes, English is not my first language, I'm from Argentina and I tried as hard as possible to write it with all my heart and feels I could) 

 

 

 

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I don't know if i can give you any advice but if you really don't like that girl in a romantic way then you should not date her. You should not listen to your friends, if you don't want to then you shouldn't. 

I'll be direct even if it sounds rude... Your friends don't seem to be 'real' friends since 'real' friends would at least try to understand you instead of wanting you to date someone. If my friends were like yours; not willing to understand or accept me, then i would just stop being friends with them. 

As for the girl that likes you, if you don't like her in the same way then you should tell her directly since prolonging this whole situation ain't gonna get you or her anywhere and you might end up in a relationship which you don't like. 

You should deal with your friends and dump them if they don't seem to be willing to understand you. That was quite direct but it is what i honestly think. I suck at giving advice to people so i'm sorry if i couldn't be of any help.

 

Also... Welcome to AVEN!!!:cake::cake::cake:

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20 minutes ago, Annie9 said:

I don't know if i can give you any advice but if you really don't like that girl in a romantic way then you should not date her. You should not listen to your friends, if you don't want to then you shouldn't. 

I'll be direct even if it sounds rude... Your friends don't seem to be 'real' friends since 'real' friends would at least try to understand you instead of wanting you to date someone. If my friends were like yours; not willing to understand or accept me, then i would just stop being friends with them. 

As for the girl that likes you, if you don't like her in the same way then you should tell her directly since prolonging this whole situation ain't gonna get you or her anywhere and you might end up in a relationship which you don't like. 

You should deal with your friends and dump them if they don't seem to be willing to understand you. That was quite direct but it is what i honestly think. I suck at giving advice to people so i'm sorry if i couldn't be of any help.

 

Also... Welcome to AVEN!!!:cake::cake::cake:

It didn't sound rude, I think it's the truth. I'll meet her this week and tell her what I feel and what makes me feel bad. About my friends, I won't obey what they want me to do, I'm just tired because other people can't or don't want to understand, it's so annoying sometimes

 

thank you so much, I really appreciate it ✨

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celestialwhims

Oh, honey, it's terrible when the people you trust most in your life just can't understand who you are inside. All of my closest friends are sexual people (bi, pan, gay, etc.), but I've been blessed to have them all be the most accepting any wonderful people I've ever met! Unfortunately, I know most people aren't always that lucky. The thing is, you shouldn't hang around with people who are going to constantly invalidate your existence (sexual orientation) and attempt to pressure you into doing things you don't wish to do. If you don't want to be with this girl romantically, tell her. Be very upfront and just be like, "Listen, I really like you as a person, but if you're expecting kissing and intimacy and possibly more, I can't give that to you." Don't lead her on because that will only make you both feel terrible. If she's willing to accept you as you are, though, and be more of a close, friendly companion than a romantic partner, that would be ideal, haha!

 

Also, be very, very firm with your friends. If they're going to keep saying that you just need to find the right person or you just haven't experienced enough life yet, don't listen to them. I still have people tell me that someday I'll meet a man that 'lights my fire', whatever that means. Just tell them very clearly, "I don't want to have sex with anybody. I am not sexually attracted to people. I do not have romantic feelings for her (or anybody, if that's how you generally feel!), and nothing you can say or do will change who I am." If they can't accept who you are, well, you just need to find some better friends. Good luck, dear, I'm wishing you all the best!

 

Oh, and of course, welcome to AVEN. If they can't understand you, we definitely can. xx

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Thank you so much omg, that was so heart touching I just- I just want people to understand me and accept who I am. With you I really felt like someone cared about what I feel and i'm really grateful for that. 

Thank you T^T 💗

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About your friends, it's not that they don't want but I'm starting to suspect that they just can't understand you, like so many others on our blue marble.

 

Indoctrination removes the ability for critical thinking on subject x,y,z. In our case it's about "there's someone for everyone out there, just need to find him/her" and sex will come as it's nature and the need for reproduction and because goddidit, ... (whatever crap they have been fed with actually)

 

From what you wrote you actually sound aro ace. This means that your possible aromanticism and asexuality is in complete contradiction with your friends fed beliefs. No reason to dump your friends or be angry, even if it can be annoying as hell sometimes.

 

As for your "soulmate". I would be straight forward and tell her everything she needs to know about how you feel about her and how you probably will never feel towards her as soon as possible. But that's just me and how I handle this on my side.

 

Good luck and welcome home.

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