Aiyara Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 So this is a cross post, I did this in the welcome thread but feel my thoughts may be more at home here. Recognising myself as asexual is a recent development, and I thought I would benefit from reaching out to those likeminded individuals.. I am in a relationship, and have had four long-term partners. I faced the same difficulties with every one. Today I am blessed with a man who has helped me understand that it is simply the way I am and is willing do do whatever is necessary to ensure I am happy and comfortable with him, including abstaining from sex and even the smaller things such as cuddling, kissing... He isn’t like me, but he loves me. Yet who am I to keep him from what his ideal relationship is? More than anything I am still at the stage of wanting to be able to and I cannot accept that despite all efforts I probably never will. It would be easier if I was alone, but I still find myself romantically wanting - I want companionship, I want a family life, but that view is now tainted by the knowing that I cannot perform all of the stereotypical duties of a girlfriend. For now at least, I see my coming to terms with it inevitable but I feel in need to confide in like-minded individuals to help me through it. I want to reach out, particularly to those asexuals who resonate with my particular situation... those who are with partners, married even, to see how they cope and hopefully I may even make some friends. I feel relieved in a way, but I am still conflicted. I am very grateful to discover this community and I do hope I can give back as much as I may take from it. Thanks for reading Link to post Share on other sites
Kersenne Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 Hi Aiyara (nice name by the way!) Although I'm not in a relationship at the moment, I have been in two significant relationships before and have had sex with my partners and it never felt right to me. I never spoke about it with them, at that time I didn't want to admit I was asexual and was still hoping that I would want to have sex after meeting the right person, but now I know I'm asexual and am fine with it. From my (small) experiences, I know I am comfortable with certain things (even if I don't want them) and not comfortable at all with others. I don't mind not kissing and holding hands, for instance, but if my partner wants to kiss and hold hands, it doesn't bother me. Perhaps it's the same for you, there are certain things you are absolutely certain you DON'T want to do, and other things you can compromise with. Your boyfriend seems to be very understanding, so perhaps you can try things with him and see what your limits are, and how much you and him are willing to compromise for your happiness. There's also a thread on this forum with happy stories, some between asexual and sexual people, it can help you get an idea of how others are living their stories, and perhaps ask them how they are living it I hope it helps, and I'd be happy to chat more about it if you feel like it! Link to post Share on other sites
Aiyara Posted October 30, 2017 Author Share Posted October 30, 2017 Thank you so much, I have already checked that thread out and it’s made me appreciate what a lovely guy I have. I am willing to do it, for him, and he understands that it isn’t a regular thing but that I will do it for him. He is finding it difficult though and I can’t help but wonder if it would be easier on him to find someone else... another sexual. We haven’t done anything since we have spoken about it but I believe another talk about what I am comfortable with will ease things. It’s difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
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