I think I might be falling in love, but is it romantic?

[lunarmorgan]

I have only really identified as romantic in my childhood (before I understood the concept of romance), and a few months back I started identifying as aro (or on the spectrum at the very least). The thing is, I feel like I'm falling in love, but I don't know if it's romantic. My chest feels tight and fluttery, I get nervous around him, I want to look nice, I get self-conscious (I'm usually really confident in myself because normally I don't care at all), I want him to like me and my artwork, I feel happy when he compliments me or shows interest in what I'm doing... I just don't know.

This is so much more extreme than my other squishes, so I know this has to be something different. I'm still almost positive I'm aromantic, because this feeling isn't centered on romance or being his significant other -- I just want to be this "something special" to him, and I guess like I feel that "something special" can only be achieved IF I was his significant other. 

I don't know if that really makes sense... if anyone has any stories or insight that I haven't thought of or would make me feel less confused, please let me know.

[StormySky]

Become his best friend. If you desire more, it's romance.

 

I'm a clueless aromantic so I'm sorry if my advice is flawed

[The Gnat (Natalie)]

It could be that what you'd really be happy with is a QP rather than a romantic relationship, but it'll probably take some time to sort that out

[Homer]

I don't get how this could not be romantic? Or let me put it differently: What else would you expect to feel to be sure it would be romantic? You don't have to answer this publicly; this is just some food for thought.

 

 

12 hours ago, StormySky said:

Become his best friend. If you desire more, it's romance.

Grump. Why do romantic feelings have to be "more"? Been there, found nothing "more".

 

It's also worth noting that the 'aromantic spectrum' is a misleading term. Either you do experience these feelings at some point (which would make you at least grey/demi), or you don't, ever, at all, which would imply that you are aromantic.

[NerotheReaper]

Well falling in love is a very deep and serious thing, you might like this person a crush. So liking someone and loving someone are two different emotions and processes. With falling in love, this happens over time and usually lasts longer than just a crush. 

 

As for advice, let things happen naturally and go with the flow of things. 

[lunarmorgan]

Alright, I'll clear up some things. when I posted, I was a little disturbed because this is new and I was quite frankly scattered...

I don't feel romantic attraction -- at least, I don't think so. I know for a fact that my idea of romance before coming to the conclusion that I was possibly aro was more of a best-friendship kind of thing. I've never felt romantic feelings or attractions or whatever, even through my several attempts at romantic relationships. Like, I can kiss people but that action in itself doesn't happen really because I want it or I feel attracted to someone. It's more of a reciprocation, if that makes sense. My previous significant other and a few of the other short term relationships all told me that they felt like there was something missing on my end at one point or another. For me, there's no difference in the love I have/had for my ex versus the love I have for my very close friends. The only thing was that it was/is significantly stronger and more tolerant of physical affection and what not with my ex.

As for this possible crush, it feels similar to my squishes, but the intensity is what is setting it apart. By "someone special" I mean I want to be an influential part of an aspect of his life, but that doesn't mean I want it to be romantic. However, with my previous experiences with relationships, being "someone special" has always meant "girlfriend," a role I accept in order to be close and important to the person.

[StormySky]

5 hours ago, Homer said:

I don't get how this could not be romantic? Or let me put it differently: What else would you expect to feel to be sure it would be romantic? You don't have to answer this publicly; this is just some food for thought.

 

 

Grump. Why do romantic feelings have to be "more"? Been there, found nothing "more".

 

It's also worth noting that the 'aromantic spectrum' is a misleading term. Either you do experience these feelings at some point (which would make you at least grey/demi), or you don't, ever, at all, which would imply that you are aromantic.

Right... I should change the word "more" to "romantic relationship"