Koma17 Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 The last month, I was trying to plan my coming out, I don't want to tell everyone hey I'm trans, but I wanted my family to know I'm struggling with my identity and I wanted to be able to experiment things in a safe space (home). But recently, the more and more I think about coming up to them, the more I feel uncertain. A really close friend of mine kind of questioned me and my identity (in a kind way, but it was very confronting), and it made me really rethink everything. The last 3-4 days, I was totally ok with my body. I called myself my assigned gender without realising and I didn't feel bad about it? I even used the pronouns I tried to tell my friends not to use? It really confused the hell out to me. I was becoming confident about being trans, and suddenly after having planned more and more my little coming out, I'm lost again? Is it normal? I mean am I cis and everything was a phase? I heard that dysphoria can /disappear/ sometimes (I read it in an article, they were saying something like the brain sometimes does a sort of depersonalisation, or I don't remember the term, to handle the stress and try 'forgetting the problem', I don't quite remember). My dysphoria was pretty bad these last months but suddenly, it just went away? I don't know, it was a very strange week. Does someone had experienced this too? Or is it just me? I don't know. If someone had the same I would gladly hear about that. It was very confusing and strange :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 Yes, I have experienced that. How I feel fluctuates but generally I feel a mixture of male and female. I found it easier just to accept that I feel differently day to day and to roll with it. It removes some of the confusion at least. Experiment when you want to and if you feel like your assigned gender sometimes then that's ok too. It doesn't mean it's all a lie. Maybe applying a label at this point isn't the right thing to do? It sounds like you need to talk about it though and experiment to find out a clearer image of who you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Koma17 Posted October 29, 2017 Author Share Posted October 29, 2017 1 hour ago, Brave Zebra said: Maybe applying a label at this point isn't the right thing to do? It sounds like you need to talk about it though and experiment to find out a clearer image of who you are. Yes, maybe I overthink this whole thing too much. I was confortable calling myself trans, it actually made a lot of sens in my life. But I don't know. Maybe I need more time, or self questioning I don't know. It may be personal, tell me if it is! But since you wrote gender fluid, does it happen sometimes that you feel more like a gender for a long period, and then it changes for another long period? I mean, is it possible? I don't think I am, but at this point I don't know anything anymore :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 Gender identity is really complicated and I don't pretend to be an expert but I can talk about how I feel. I would prefer to have a female body because in terms of expression I would have liked to wear feminine clothes on a near daily basis. This continues to be problematic for me and I hate feeling like a guy in drag so avoid it! I do get periods of time that I feel better about my body and biological gender and during those times I perhaps feel a little disgusted that the rest of the time I feel like I want to express myself as a woman. So yes, it seems that there can be fluctuation and so periods of time better connected to one gender than the other. Seeing a psychotherapist helped me because it motivated me to try things and work out in my head how I identify and possibly what has caused it in the first place. For example, had becoming dissociated because of bullying in secondary school made me want to escape reality by crossdressing and enjoy the feeling of being more like a woman?! Everyone is different and it's important to explore all angles because getting it wrong won't fix the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Koma17 Posted October 30, 2017 Author Share Posted October 30, 2017 11 hours ago, Brave Zebra said: I do get periods of time that I feel better about my body and biological gender and during those times I perhaps feel a little disgusted that the rest of the time I feel like I want to express myself as a woman. This is exactly what I feel too! Sometimes it feels like I have two personalities. 11 hours ago, Brave Zebra said: Everyone is different and it's important to explore all angles because getting it wrong won't fix the problem. I guess you're right, maybe I should try looking for all possible reasons I feel this way, without labelling myself too soon. But it felt right. I don't know, this takes time. Link to post Share on other sites
binary suns Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 why had you identified yourself as trasn? maybe remembering that can help you find grounding in your identity. Link to post Share on other sites
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