shirokumo Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 Hi all, I am not sure whether I am indeed aromantic and/or asexual but I can say for sure that whenever I am anxious or feel pressed about my relationships (or lack thereof), reading posts on this forum really makes me feel at home. A little bit about myself: while I now recognize I had several squishes towards people from the same sex, I did also develop one-sided crushes on people from the opposite sex up until I turned 20 or something; the last one ended in much embarrassment because my crush had to tell me first when they found a partner. Fast forward a decade later, I haven't really felt any type of romantic attraction towards anyone since then, and was mostly buried in my academic and career pursuits. I don't think I need sex, or any type of support from a romantic partner, but I desire companionship because I do fear growing old and dying alone. There is also constant pressure from family (and friends) on me to settle down and make babies. That's why I started online dating. There was one person that I felt fond of and agreed on a date; I even started to like them a little bit, but then things went downhill pretty fast. I feel the other party has a certain time frame in mind where a date has to turn into something more by the nth meeting, which freaks me out because I wanted to take things slow, i.e. becoming friends first and then see where things go. I did tell the other party from the beginning that I don't move on a pace that they would be used to and they agreed, but now I would constantly be getting messages asking when we were gonna meet again, even after making it clear that I was going through a rough 80-hr work week. (What I did not tell them was that I was also suffering from depression and literally have no energy to entertain them after a long work week). It became less about who I am as a person, what we could learn about each other, but more about when to see each other and move things forward. Lately, when I refused to talk about my past relationships (because...nothing), the other party grew impatient and criticized me for not making time for them, even though it's still a "potential relationship" because they always do. I don't know what to do here. Whatever fondness I had towards them is now being squandered away and I am even feeling resentful, which is unfair because I am the one who could have put in more efforts. I feel there could some sort of friendship out of this, but the other party doesn't want that at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 Hi there In my opinion, I would leave the other party alone entirely. The other party is not respecting how you feel. The other party had the absolute nerve to criticize YOU for refusing to talk about your past relationships that wasn't the party's business to even BEGIN with?! Yeah, this person made it very clear that they don't want to be "Just friends". And if I were you, I'd cut it off ASAP. This party,from what I understand, doesn't take how you feel into consideration. You don't need to hang around some one like that. Regardless of whether you are asexual or not, whether you are aromantic or not, don't let your family and friends pressure you. You have to live for you. And to be frank, whether you date, marry and/or have kids or not is really none of their business. You should date because you want to,not because you're feeling pressured to. What you do in this situation is up to you. But I suggest, as I stated before, to leave this person alone. This person sounds really overbearing, and anything but nice. I wish you the best.💖 Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Deus Ex Infinity Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 8 hours ago, Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet said: Hi there In my opinion, I would leave the other party alone entirely. The other party is not respecting how you feel. The other party had the absolute nerve to criticize YOU for refusing to talk about your past relationships that wasn't the party's business to even BEGIN with?! Yeah, this person made it very clear that they don't want to be "Just friends". And if I were you, I'd cut it off ASAP. This party,from what I understand, doesn't take how you feel into consideration. You don't need to hang around some one like that. Regardless of whether you are asexual or not, whether you are aromantic or not, don't let your family and friends pressure you. You have to live for you. And to be frank, whether you date, marry and/or have kids or not is really none of their business. You should date because you want to,not because you're feeling pressured to. What you do in this situation is up to you. But I suggest, as I stated before, to leave this person alone. This person sounds really overbearing, and anything but nice. I wish you the best.💖 101% agreed!! NEVER let others rule you!! Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 don't be afraid to reafirm how slow you want to go. but also don't be afraid to share your lack of experience. and most of all, allow yourself to be annoyed. bottled up resentment usually isn't useful. Link to post Share on other sites
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