How do I express my gender...

[Emery.]

Alright. So now I have a problem. I went to the college and this is what I've been doing for the last month. 

 

I felt dysphoria like... once a week. Once, I felt so envious of this trans girl. Triggered. I dressed in men's clothes for the next week or so. Another blow came out of nowhere, but I dealt with it the same way. Yet another blow came two days ago, when a classmate mentioned the topic of transgender people and went overboard with mocking it or something like that, so I told him and the poeple who were also there that I don't feel female and he could shut the fuck up. He was all like "What?". There was a party yesterday and I wanted to dress like a dude, but I fell ill and slept all day. Today i'm also sleeping all the time. 

 

So yeah. This is what the situation looks like. Shall I do a laundry list of things in my wardrobe? And of my out status? I think the out status is easier. I'm out to my immediate family and friends who are not from the college and with whom I have contact. I'm not exactly happy with the bit I did a few days ago at uni, but it was an emergency. I'd rather say I'm a boy, not "gender-whatever"... Name, huh. I tried with the friends who know, but we don't meet a lot. 

 

i wanted to buy some computer games, because everyone plays them, and I wanted to buy new combat boots that are less feminine than my old ones. The old ones are black but slightly feminine in the overall shape. I do a lot of sport and I like it. I'd like to have men's shirts and a tie or a couple. I have men's trousers, and looser trousers, but fewer than the skinny trousers, and I suppose I have a bit of hips. Hoodies, yep, men's tees, yep. Sweaters don't work. Cargos, some women's, some men's, a leather jacket, but it's old and not a motorcycle one. Dress shoes, I have those. Sneakers. Two plaid shirts. From the girly things, not many remain, I have longish hair right now, I'm bisexual, and I like to wear nail polish. I have a couple of skirts and dresses too. A bit of jewelry. But I happily got rid of a skirt that got old and stretched a couple of days ago. I like to dress a little feminine, to be honest. I like to look pretty  but yeah... I wondered whether to cut my hair short quite a bit. I keep on hesitating. To be honest, I'd like to add something masculine to how I dress and behave, bit I'm not sure how to do it. 

 

I don't really know how to express my gender to be happier. This problem seems to persist. 

[Guest]

I can really relate to how you're feeling about gender expression, although I was born male and often feel like a girly girl and would like to express that but it's really hard to do that with a male body. I feel a mixture of male and female so wouldn't want to change my body just for the sake of dressing like a woman. I sometimes express it a different way through a website called Polyvore. PM if you want a link.

 

I think if you dress in a mixture of masculine and feminine outfits no one will think much of it. I suppose you just need to decide what clothes and shoes feel right for you and roll with it. Try things out and have fun! Dress as you feel that day. I doubt anyone would question it. Do the things you enjoy too and try not to worry what people will think (easier said than done sometimes, right?!). If you have a group of friends that support you no matter what you really can just be yourself and not worry.  

 

Fear of what people will think and say is the worst thing for me I think. That's why I don't currently express myself as I want to.

[Emery.]

1 hour ago, Brave Zebra said:

although I was born male and often feel like a girly girl and would like to express that but it's really hard to do that with a male body.

I have a friend who watches RuPaul, I guess for all the girliness in it. He is girly to a degree, really. He's non-binary too. 

 

Other than that... thank you for the post. Sometimes I just really need to talk things through. 

 

Hey, this website is pretty cool! Lots of expensive stuff, lol, but even browsing theough it like that is fun. You can't do it in a stationary shop, because the salespeople keep on staring at you  Also, shopping is quite exhausting if you have to fumble through all these clothes. 

 

I don't feel like changing my body is for me either.

[Guest]

Feel free to look my sets up on Polyvore. My username is curlyelizabeth. 

[K.I.N.G]

Perhaps maybe trying the opposite? dress and act in a more masculine fashion but then get a more feminine hair cut - sort of rocker/biker chick kind of thing that has a lot of masculine energy but still has feminine elements to it? basically more leather/cargo/dapper depending on how you want to go but then paired with either a longer hair style or a shorter feminine haircut?

[Emery.]

6 hours ago, I Am Mel said:

Perhaps maybe trying the opposite?

In which way the oppposite? Not getting rid of feminine things, but adding masculine, you mean? From the rest of the post, I think this might be what you meant.

 

Right now my hair is... it used to be a bob (?), but it grew out and I didn't get it evened out in the mean time, so it's a bit shaggy. Basically a mess.

 

6 hours ago, I Am Mel said:

dress and act in a more masculine fashion but then get a more feminine hair cut - sort of rocker/biker chick kind of thing that has a lot of masculine energy but still has feminine elements to it? basically more leather/cargo/dapper depending on how you want to go but then paired with either a longer hair style or a shorter feminine haircut?

the bolded - do you really think it does have the energy? I hope so! All in all that seems like a good idea

I really like the rock style, except I'm not too much of a dress person usually. Rock style "for girls" doesn't turn me on too much. Now I will explain why. Revealing clothes fall off and are cold, for one. For two, my reality contains mostly young men who go nuts if they see a bit of body. Three, I feel silly in frills and the similar. But this is for the good, I guess, because I have finally found a difference I can benefit on in terms of expression. Painted nails also would fit the image, I guess, and feminine hair too. I have nothing against skirts, provided they are simple and comfy style, and aren't too "cute". So I have a grey tartan skirt, for example, I love it And a black hoodie dress. It's pretty cool. I like military style stuff as well, practical and pretty badass. Makes people avoid hugging me That is a plus. And makes them think I'm cool  

 

That actually clicks with me! Really. I mean, I have an idea like this has been forming for quite some time... Clicks.

I guess finding your own expression takes a lot of trial and error and there is no way around it... Simply.

Two of my favourite fictional characters are Mello from Death Note and the Major from Ghost in the Shell. Death Note is pretty awsome in terms of style IMO, by the way, I'm a huge fan. Mello has a motorbike and is an action guy, who looks a bit girly, because of the long hair and painting his nails, and general sex appeal, lol. He wears back leather, mostly. Also, combat boots, a long black coat with black fur, and a red coat with flames on it Gloves, also, spikes and a rosary. Biker, rocker who rages a lot The Major is a female commando, what can I add? If she's not riding a motorcycle, wearing military stuff or a formal uniform, she usually wears a biker jacket (ekhm, mostly, because she underdresses). Both characters seem bisexual and non-binary, curious, isn't it? Just like me. Death Note has a lot of gothic/rock and smart fashion in general. Which is cool. Black laces. Leather. Black. Suits. My thing

 

I really wonder if I would wear the lesbian ring on my thumb, if this would be wrong, because I'm bi and willing to date a girl, so maybe a girl would invite me out... maybe the rainbow would be better, though, it wouldn't feel as deceptive. I understand why a woman would like to date a woman who is exclusively homo, and I definitely feel more bi than lesbian. And feel like I'd rather date a bi woman, because there would be more mutual understanding if either of us ends up with a man.

 

I had no idea I'd be into the dapper thing too, but it seems like I am, ha ha.

[K.I.N.G]

1 hour ago, Emery. said:

In which way the oppposite? Not getting rid of feminine things, but adding masculine, you mean? From the rest of the post, I think this might be what you meant.

Yes it is - excuse me should have been more clear

 

I literally saw ghost in a shell last week and agree Major is amazing!

 

Perhaps something along these lines?
 

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

 

Or maybe this? (again just as examples)
 

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

 

[Emery.]

Yeah. I have to say I dress like this at least to a degree. Those leather jackets are cool! Mine looks more... plain, I guess. I've been looking for a cool motorcycle jacket lately.

I have cargo trousers like that too! Well, similar. And a jacket. Two actually, one for winter, and another one for summer. And hiking shoes that look exactly like these in the last pic!

I liked those in the shop, they were in different colours:

 

 

 

All the other elements seem quite simple. Oh, I might be lacking a silver watch... Simple clothes, yeah, I've got plenty of those.

 

And some pics of Mello (he's the bad guy of the story, definitely!) :

 

 

 



(not Mello, but she looks great too and the pic is great too )

 



 



 



 


 
Matt also deserves mentioning IMO, he looks cool too:

fan art, it seems like Mello and Matt were a couple and images from the manga show up about it, although I can't remember it in the anime:

 

 

Now not Mello, but Misa and Light:

 

 

 



 



 



 

 

[Emery.]

I wanted to edit, but too many pictures make it difficult, so I'll just add another post. Speaking of Matt, he has navy blue cargos (I have ones like that already!) and wears a striped top and a cool waistcoat, which all are cool too. Misa... rock style again, but with some feminine elements - blouses, skirt, laces, red nails, fancy hair. And Light dresses totally smart! I think he could advertise Tommy Hilfiger

 

Cargos seem like the ultimate man trousers to me, few women wear them, really. Really. Like like all the other military type clothing.

[K.I.N.G]

4 minutes ago, Emery. said:

I wanted to edit, but too many pictures make it difficult, so I'll just add another post. Speaking of Matt, he has navy blue cargos (I have ones like that already!) and wears a striped top and a cool waistcoat, which all are cool too. Misa... rock style again, but with some feminine elements - blouses, skirt, laces, red nails, fancy hair. And Light dresses totally smart! I think he could advertise Tommy Hilfiger

 

Cargos seem like the ultimate man trousers to me, few women wear them, really. Really. Like like all the other military type clothing.

Cargo pants are amazing i personally find skinny jeans good too and fairly androgynous and i defiantly agree military clothing is great - not to mention rather practical too.

[Emery.]

11 minutes ago, I Am Mel said:

Cargo pants are amazing i personally find skinny jeans good too and fairly androgynous and i defiantly agree military clothing is great - not to mention rather practical too.

You think so? My gender therapist said skinny trousers are girl trousers

Definitely, military clothing has lots of pockets and good for any weather and comfortable!

[K.I.N.G]

3 minutes ago, Emery. said:

You think so? My gender therapist said skinny trousers are girl trousers

Definitely, military clothing has lots of pockets and good for any weather and comfortable!

That's what i also originally thought but when i started looking around i personally saw just as many men wearing them as women

 

Haha yes exactly! Bit annoying when youve forgotten what pocket youve put something in though lol

[Emery.]

1 minute ago, I Am Mel said:

That's what i also originally thought but when i started looking around i personally saw just as many men wearing them as women

 

Haha yes exactly! Bit annoying when youve forgotten what pocket youve put something in though lol

Yeah, but I think that for one it might be different kind of skinny in the men's and women's sections. Men's are less skinny, more regular fit. At least I think so. Also it might be a problem that they underline the hips.

 

Lol

[Guest]

I think these days men's skinny jeans are just as tight. I find it funny because it was sooo uncool when I was growing up to wear anything but baggy jeans! 

[Guest]

Just thought of an outfit that may interest you. How about a red tartan skirt, black opaque tights (or fishnets), blacks boots and a black leather jacket. It's an outfit I'd love to wear myself lol. I may even have something on Polyvore. Will have a look!

[Guest]

I created this: https://www.polyvore.com/untitled_15/set?id=186794670.

 

See this too: https://www.polyvore.com/us_army/set?id=187545582.

 

 

[Emery.]

I actually wewr outfits similar to those