JimmyJe Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 Hello, I am a highschool freshman who has had a crush on an asexual girl for sometime. I met her about a year ago, we became good friends and eventually I developed feelings for her. I always knew she was asexual, and I knew what asexual meant, so I was always scared of flirting with her because I didn't want to put her in a situation that may be uncomfortable for her. Eventually I kind of just blurted out that I liked her really awkwardly, I wasn't expecting anything to come of it, I just really wanted to tell her. She told me that she was ace and she wasn't looking for a relationship, and I told her I understand. Now its become really awkward, and we don't talk much, and it really sucks. It just never feels like she actually wants to talk to me anymore. I still kind of like her and I really don't know what to do. Do you guys have any advice or anything in general, it would be much appreciated. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
TheAP Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 Moved from Questions about Asexuality to For Sexual Partners, Friends and Allies. TheAP Questions about Asexuality co-mod Link to post Share on other sites
argar Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 I had a similar situation. In my case I developed feeling for my friend who was coming to terms with being a lesbian. I realized early on that staying away from her was going to be the only way I was going to be able to deal with what I was feeling. Unfortunately she made that difficult by making me feel guilty for abandoning her. In the end, space and time away from her finally helped me heal and move on. Now, after maybe fifteen years, we are friends and speak ever so often. The only suggestion I can give you is that you have to respect her position. I think it was very brave to declare your feeling like you did, nothing sucks more than having feeling for someone and dying inside because you can't express them. Now you need that same bravery to put some distance between each other. You need to process everything you are feeling. I know how much to can suck to have your feeling rejected, but at the same time you also must respect on how she must be feeling. I could not do that when I was going through my own inner turmoil, but years later I discovered that she was feeling pretty horrible about the situation also. I can only assume that she is probably feeling just as bad that your friendship is ending as well. When things turn romantic, it means that you no longer see her as a friend, but a love interest, and that changes the dynamic of any relationship. I hope some of this helps. Have a beautiful night. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 Your situation has nothing to do with her orientation; that's just how some unreciprocation can go. Ya can't do anything about how someone else deals with it other than perhaps clarifying your situation if it's positive (i.e. I have a crush on you but it's not unbearable nor do I need anything from you but friendship). Past that, all you can do is try to stay in some form of contact with her and if she ever does get over it then try to rekindle the friendship. However, considering it got to the blurting out point, it sounds like it has gotten to the unbearable point, and for some it's better to stop seeing that person so the feelings can go away/they aren't in hell every time they're around. Link to post Share on other sites
Treesarepretty Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 I third what @argar and @Star Bit said. I am sorry, but it looks like the best thing would be for you to give her a bit of space and time, @JimmyJe. ☹ Link to post Share on other sites
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