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well it is over


dapp58

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After 20 yrs of marriage and 2 boys my dh left one week ago today. he just packed and said he was leaving anf left.left a note for the boys, how extremely kind of him. and hasnt spoken to them since.

i am relieved, i never have to succumb to sex again, all those years i gave it to him for love and to save the marriage and it all came back and bit me in the butt. It emotionally wrecked me, it made me not see myself anymore, and i felt raped in a way, tho i did allow it. He left saying it was nothing to do with sex, but please!!

so now i have a journey ahead, rediscovering me...........may be a tough road to travel. at least i know who and what i am....

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Nero laughed

Twenty years is a long time to just walk away from....a week ago huh ? my heart and thoughts are out to you. Its going to take time..

so now i have a journey ahead, rediscovering me...........may be a tough road to travel. at least i know who and what i am....
At least you have a direction knowing who you are. You can design your new life around that. sincerely my best wishes.
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Aventually

Oh, that is so awful of him to up and do that to you and the kids! I do hope he plans to at least get and stay in contact with his children. My heart goes out to them and to you.

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Don't know how to approach this one... it's somewhere between "I'm happy for your freedom" and "sorry for your loss". Nevertheless, best of luck for the future, and enjoy rediscovering yourself! :)

Yws same here. I wish you all the best for your future.

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mouth brooder

In case you have no moral support around you, please don't try to shoulder this alone. And in the meantime, visit with us. So many of us can more or less relate to your situation. And so many of us have positive stories to tell about our self discoveries.

What ages are your boys?

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I am so sorry it happened like that. Glad you are thinking about the positive aspects in the future, but it's okay to feel hurt too.

And like Diogena said, this is a great place to come if you need to express things.

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My marriage only lasted a few years, but yes, it's a relief not to have to go through the sex thing.

I hope you can continue to concentrate on the positive aspects - try not to think you've failed if the negative bites you in the butt now and again (as it tends to). We're here for you to rant at, moan at and share your moments of triumph (and these will be many).

The very best of lick to you and your children.

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thank you all for the replies.

yes it isnt easy.my boys are 14&16. i miss the family unit , i do not miss the tension over the sex, i lived with that for 23 years. It is just shocking that it was so easy for him to up and leave. he was never communicative either. We never ever discussed any of this.It is a shame as i just discovered this site last month and was never to show it and share with him the fact it was all about my sexuality, or lack of it.

The pain is deep and i have no family or true friends here. it will be a long haul i suspect.

thanks for the input.

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Sorry that this happened to you and the boys.

I haven't said anything on this thread, because I have no experience with it at all.

I just want to wish you and the boys luck and my prayers go with you. It is extremely hard on boys to accept not being wanted. I have 2 nephews that are grown now and still have problems because their mom abandoned them and their dad, my brother, kept sending them away every time he found a new woman.

The only suggestion I have for you, and it comes from my experience with my nephews, is that you refrain from dating or bringing any man home until they are grown and gone from the household. Devote your time to your boys. They need both a father and a mother, but they don't have a father anymore, so you need to give them more of yourself.

Good luck,

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Calla_Lily

hi dapp, so sorry for the pain and loss you're going through. divorce, whether it is desired or not, is painful. it is a death of sorts and i believe like a death, you have to grieve it and go through the stages of loss. there is life & happiness after divorce though! take as much time as you need to heal, surround yourself with supportive people....cry when you need to cry, laugh whenever you can, and keep a supply of chocolate on hand at all times! :D

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mouth brooder
The only suggestion I have for you, and it comes from my experience with my nephews, is that you refrain from dating or bringing any man home until they are grown and gone from the household. Devote your time to your boys. They need both a father and a mother, but they don't have a father anymore, so you need to give them more of yourself.

Good luck,

I got chills from the insight of this advice. I taught young teens for twenty years. This is THE best advice I've ever come across. The problem is that dapp58 will also need lots of nurturing and great care needs to be taken in choosing where that nurturing comes from.

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Elizabeth I

I waited a while to answer this one because It's so hard to think of something appropriate.

Sometimes I think sex isn't really just about sex..it's about something else completely.

Your boys are hardly babies, and it's not very likely that the tension has escaped them. Please do yourself a favor and keep the lines of communication open with them. Make sure they understand that the break up was NOT because of THEM... and it doesn't mean that THEIR relationships will be the same way.

I raised a son by myself , and when it comes time for those man-to-man talks, you will be at a slight disadvantage, but the first time one of them brings home a little star-crossed red head who just smiles nervously... It will all come flooding back.

You never know when you may find a friend. The boys may not approve at first, but I can tell you this from experience. Right now , they are thinking of themselves as "the man of the house". In a few years...They are gonna worry about you being alone.

The best way to take care of the kids, Is to take care of YOU.

All the best

Lizzie

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