Describe yourself? [for transfolk]

[6Unmentionable9]

I guess I just want a fun little thing to do cuz I'm bored so let's do a thing. describe your identity. I'll make a fill-in-the-blank and then do it myself and you can reply with your answer

 

blank:

Spoiler

What's your name?:

 

Why did you choose it?:

 

If you're NB or genderless, does it matter to you that your name be unisex?:

Describe why it does/doesn't:

 

What gender are you/do you identify as?:

Is it different from what you tell people you are? If yes, why?:

 

Do you experience dysphoria?:

 

If no, why not? If yes, will you describe it?:

 

Do you wish to medically/socially transition? If so, how far/what stage are you at now?:

 

And, of course, the obligatory; how did you come to realize you were trans?:

 

and ! heres ! my answers ! comment/reply with yours ;0

Spoiler

What's your name?: Vincent

 

Why did you choose it?: it,,, sounds cool , ,. .,

 

If you're NB or genderless, does it matter to you that your name be unisex?: no(t really?)

Describe why it does/doesn't: i would prefer my name to be masculine since that's how i present, but unisex names are just as fine. i've just never had anything "click" for me if it was unisex ig? unless it was typically viewed as masculine

 

What gender are you/do you identify as?: genderless

Is it different from what you tell people you are? If yes, why?: online i keep it listed as genderless, but im not out of the closet yet irl so =w=;

 

Do you experience dysphoria?: yjea

 

If no, why not? If yes, will you describe it?: well ,,, the biggest thing for me is i wish i were taller . i'm 5'1", and would mUCH RATHER be 6'2 or at LeAst average height for american ,,, its the one thing i can't change since i stopped growing (at least, not without surgery or heels) . i'd also rather be thinner ? as the way my fat is distributed is ,, vEry gendered. i'd rather be flat all over + perceived as masculine by strangers and my family.

 

Do you wish to medically/socially transition? If so, how far/what stage are you at now?: i do wish to transition in every way , but im pre-everything as of now,,, ive only socially transitioned online

 

And, of course, the obligatory; how did you come to realize you were trans?: for some reason, the idea of being transgender never seemed like a surprise to me? i never went "holy hell! maybe im trans!" or "what!!?!? people can do that?!?!??!" it was just ,,, yeah i mean why not . sure . seems normal to me. when i first was introduced to the idea of someone being genderless, i honestly didnt bat an eyelid. it seemed just as normal as being male or female to me (i was around 12?). i thought it was a cool idea, since that person was someone i looked up to a lot, and decided to start identifying as agender.!! and then i started liking the idea of feeling masculine, and decided i was actually a boy. i stayed a dude for a few years before i started questioning again a year back at least? i flipped back and forth between "male" and "the void[tm]" until i decided to just call myself genderless like a month ago, and so far im happy with it.

EDIT: bonus question added .! thanks samwise

[ryan_]

What's your name?:

Ryan

Why did you choose it?:

I chose it because I was originally considering Robin, and when I realized that name didn't work, I wanted another "R" name. Also, a character in a book I like is named Ryan so... Also also, the nickname Ry just appeals to me.

If you're NB or genderless, does it matter to you that your name be unisex?:

Yea.
Describe why it does/doesn't:

My gender isn't.... exact. It's kinda fluid, hard to pin down/name.

What gender are you/do you identify as?:

Genderqueer/queer
Is it different from what you tell people you are? If yes, why?:

I'm not out to many people, so I guess.

Do you experience dysphoria?:

Sadly yes

If no, why not? If yes, will you describe it?:

(TW:TMI) I look down at my breasts sometimes and feel revulsion. That's the most simple and common of my dysphoria.

And, of course, the obligatory; how did you come to realize you were trans?:

Idek actually

[amiadancer?]

What's your name?: Saga, I think.

 

Why did you choose it?: It just felt right when I saw it. I like the meaning as well, and it's from Northern Europe which is where my family's originally from. It's technically a girls name but I don't really care about that. I'm not totally sure if I'm going to go with it yet because I think it would be weird to have my friends call me that but I really do like it.

 

What gender are you/do you identify as?: Male

Is it different from what you tell people you are? If yes, why?: I don't really tell people most of the time, I just let them assume whatever they want. Except for on job applications and stuff, for legal reasons.

 

Do you experience dysphoria?: Yes.

 

If no, why not? If yes, will you describe it?: When I look down and see my chest it just feels wrong. Same thing with people referring to me as  a girl or gendering my clothes or interests. Periods were hell, fortunately I don't have to deal with them anymore. Thank goodness for free birth control.

 

And, of course, the obligatory; how did you come to realize you were trans?: I was doing research on top surgery and HRT and the more I read about it the more I wanted to do it. So then I did some research on dysphoria and the trans experience, and I realized that was me. There were a lot of little things leading up to it over the years, but I guess the thing that really made me realize it was that I finally realized I had always seen myself as being a man when I got older but had somehow never registered it before.

[999papercranes]

What's your name?:

Parker

Why did you choose it?:

As lame as it sounds, I once had a stuffed poodle named Parker when I was little, and I could never figure out if Parker was supposed to be a girl dog or a boy dog, so I gave up and just let them be "Parker." I thought it was rather fitting this way. 

If you're NB or genderless, does it matter to you that your name be unisex?:

Not really. 
Describe why it does/doesn't:

It did once, but it didn't once I realized I was more of a dude than anything. I do like the sounds of most unisex names. I don't know why. 

What gender are you/do you identify as?:

I'm a trans guy who's also identifies with agender. A nonbinary boy, if you will. 
Is it different from what you tell people you are? If yes, why?:

I'm closeted to everybody except a grand total of six people and the internet, but those six people all just know me as a trans guy. I don't really care to tell them about the nonbinary part. That's more of a personal thing, to me. 

Do you experience dysphoria?:

Yep. 

If no, why not? If yes, will you describe it?:

Well... it feels like looking in the mirror and seeing a horrible thing, like something a three year-old made out of clay. But you can't fix it. You're stuck with it. Like an awful suit that can't come off. It mostly focuses on my chest, my lower area, the softness of my face, and my body silhouette. 

And, of course, the obligatory; how did you come to realize you were trans?:

I started realizing it, actually, when I came to AVEN. There were obviously signs before all of this, like how I'd watch binding tutorials and whatnot, but this was just when I realized I wasn't cis. I would ghost the Gender Discussion forums and the things people said actually made sense to me. I never liked my body and my name never felt like mine. Those were two things I knew as a fact. I just never knew it was gender-related. 

[SamwiseLovesLife]

What's your name?:

Samwise Amber Fae Shuttleworth, Sam for short. Birth name was Amber Fae Shuttleworth which I decided to keep in my name as a respect to my parents and a nod to the past/my roots.

Why did you choose it?:

Sam always felt right to me, and also LOTR Samwise is also gender neutral imo so while I'm transitioning it gives nothing away about my gender.

If you're NB or genderless, does it matter to you that your name be unisex?:

I'm between NB and Male (trans-masc?) and yeah I like that my name isn't gendered.
Describe why it does/doesn't:

It saves akward situations when people are trying to guage my gender and everything I answer with seems neutral. People can assume what they wish.

What gender are you/do you identify as?:

Male. Non-Binary. Trans-masculine. All of the above.
Is it different from what you tell people you are? If yes, why?:

Often I just say I'm trans and let them make assumptions, It's easier than explaining the ins and outs of the gender spectrum to everyone who asks (unless I think It's relevant).

Do you experience dysphoria?:

HELL YES. My gender specialist says I do quite severely.

If no, why not? If yes, will you describe it?:

*Trigger warning* Like I want to peel my skin off. And cut bits off and never speak again. (Yeah okay melodramatic but legit feels this way) :'(

And, of course, the obligatory; how did you come to realize you were trans?:

When I was little I assumed I was a boy, then when learned I was 'a boy who is a girl' (5yrs old logic) tried my best to live as a female hoping I'd grow out of it. Got to 21 and decided my happiness is way more important than what people think of me. Never been happier <3 Also putting on male clothing/a binder/a packer each make me want to cry because it feels so right I can't believe I'd never fet that way before. Bless little gender confused Sam :')

 

Also I'm gonna add a Q that would love y'all to answer:

Do you wish to medically/socially transition? If so, how far/what stage are you at now?

Yes and yes. All the way (phallo included). Currently awaiting my final appt with a gender specialist and medical exam to be prescribed hormone treatment *fingers and toes crossed*

[McKinley]

What's your name?:

Jamie

Why did you choose it?:

It's a nod to my grandfather's name (James), who I was very close with. Plus, I wanted something kind of gender neutral.

If you're NB or genderless, does it matter to you that your name be unisex?:

Initially, I wanted a unisex name. So yes, it did matter at one time. Now that I'm more comfortable with my trans identity it isn't as important, but I still like my name. 
Describe why it does/doesn't:

See above

What gender are you/do you identify as?:

Male/transmasculine
Is it different from what you tell people you are? If yes, why?:

In an effort to keep things from being too confusing for (cis) people, I don't mention my NB/transmasculine leanings, and just let them assume I'm 100% binary trans. It's close enough for me, anyway. 

Do you experience dysphoria?:

Yes, both physical and social dysphoria

If no, why not? If yes, will you describe it?:

I have a lot of chest dysphoria, and also feel really dysphoric about my voice. Chest dysphoria feels for me like a mixture of disgust, anger, and a feeling of being trapped. Like, I just want these f**ing things gone, but they're always here no matter what I do. No escape. Top surgery can't come soon enough. 

And, of course, the obligatory; how did you come to realize you were trans?:

It took me a ridiculously long time to figure it out. The thing that finally made the lightbulb go off for me was when I was presented with the classic question of "if you could take a magic pill/push a magic button that would permanently change your sex, would you do it?" and then the subsequent understanding that cis people would not do it. It seems obvious in retrospect, but I seriously figured that every girl wanted desperately to be a boy, and I was honestly kind of shocked to realize that cis girls are comfortable in their gender. I had buried my discomfort for so long that it had become my "normal." I figured that I was stuck being a girl, and other girls probably felt the same kind of discomfort that I was feeling, so I'd just ignore it as best I could and accept that I was just broken somehow. Hindsight is always 20/20, but I can't believe I didn't figure out that I'm trans until my early '30s. *facepalm*

 

Bonus Question from Samwise:

Do you wish to medically/socially transition? If so, how far/what stage are you at now? 

Yes. I am pre-everything at the moment, but I need top surgery and would also like to start T as soon as I can. I don't have any plans for phallo or meta at the moment, but that could very well change in the future.

Social transition is already underway, but I still need to get my name legally changed.

[Guest]

What's your name?:

Quentin

 

Why did you choose it?:

I heard the name in a World War II documentary several years ago, and it really resonated with me. I've been calling myself that since.

 

If you're NB or genderless, does it matter to you that your name be unisex?:

Can't answer this  

Describe why it does/doesn't:

I really just want to be perceived as male. Though Quentin is a male mame it doesn't feel super masculine to me, so I like it.

 

What gender are you/do you identify as?:

Transmale. Though I also identify as androgyne, kinda.

Is it different from what you tell people you are? If yes, why?:

Nope. Most people know what transmale is at this point. Though I do still have to explain why some misconceptions are false.

 

Do you experience dysphoria?:

Yes, sometimes. Mainly my chest. Wearing my binder helps.

 

If no, why not? If yes, will you describe it?:

It's a very weird feeling. Sometimes I get depressed, other times I just feel I look weird seeing two breasts down there. Very uncomfortable though, always.

 

Do you wish to medically/socially transition? If so, how far/what stage are you at now?:

I've already started binding my chest, and I'm going to start taking testosterone soon. I dress androgynous right now, but I started buying more masculine clothing.

 

And, of course, the obligatory; how did you come to realize you were trans?:

I always knew I wasn't cis, at least. I was never comfortable with my body since I was small. My family called me a tomboy, but I always felt weird being called and treated like a girl.

[AwkwardAxolotl]

What's your name?: Ari

 

Why did you choose it?: It's the shortened version of my clearly feminine sounding birthname

 

If you're NB or genderless, does it matter to you that your name be unisex?: I'm not NB/genderless (at least I don't think I am?), but I still like having a unisex name

Describe why it does/doesn't: I kind of like the idea that if someone just sees my name written, they have to form their opinion of me based on other things than my assumed gender.

 

What gender are you/do you identify as?: I'm not entirely sure what I identify as. I know what pronouns I like, how I like to dress, what primary/secondary sex characteristics feel right for me to have, but I'm not sure what a gender feels like.

Is it different from what you tell people you are? If yes, why?:  I just let people assume I'm male. I present as masculine, and I don't mind being called he/him. I'm not sure 100% that male is what I am, but it's close enough. 

 

Do you experience dysphoria?: Not anymore

 

If no, why not? If yes, will you describe it?: I transitioned to the point that I'm now comfortable in my own skin. I used to experience quite a bit of dysphoria. It made me want to craw out of my own skin, or rip it off. Or sometimes it would seem like I was in a bad sci-fi movie and possessing someone else's body.

 

Do you wish to medically/socially transition? If so, how far/what stage are you at now?: It's been 2 years since I finished all the transition steps I want to take. I legally changed my name, and the gender markers on all my documents except my birth certificate. Everyone now refers to me as he/him. I've been on T for three and a half years now. I've had top surgery. Some people will take additional steps beyond what I've done, but I've transitioned as far as I want to go. I don't want a packer/STP. I don't want bottom surgery. I don't want to change my birth certificate. I don't want to be stealth unless that's the only way that I could be safe.

 

And, of course, the obligatory; how did you come to realize you were trans?: Girl never felt right, but it wasn't until college that I found out that it was possible for me to not be a girl. Then it made sense why I always felt like I was impersonating a girl, instead of feeling like an actual girl.

[Mezzo Forte]

What's your name?: I'd rather keep that privileged information. If you stumble on me in spaces (like certain Facebook groups) where my name is on display, then I don't mind you knowing, but it's just not something I like to state publicly on the Internet. I've been told that I went with a pretty rad name though  
 
Why did you choose it?: It was just the name that stuck with me over the months of name hunting. The spelling I used made the first two letters the beginning and end of my birth name, and I liked that it contextualized my birth name as one small part of a larger, manlier picture.
 
If you're NB or genderless, does it matter to you that your name be unisex?:

Describe why it does/doesn't: N/A, I am not NB and my name is not gender neutral. There was a neutral name that I strongly considered choosing though.
 
What gender are you/do you identify as?: I am a man.

Is it different from what you tell people you are? If yes, why?: I don't even have to assert it anymore. I pass 100% as male. I am legally, medically, and socially male. That makes correcting people all the easier in those downright bizarre moments when I do get misgendered.
 
Do you experience dysphoria?: Yes, but the worst of it is gone thanks to HRT and top surgery. 
 
If no, why not? If yes, will you describe it?: my experience with dysphoria varied depending on type. Stuff like chest dysphoria was very tactile, just crawling in my own skin. Social dysphoria was a weight on my shoulders and knots in my stomach during the anxiety of coming out. Lower dysphoria is more of a "wouldn't it be nice" kind of thing and is far less distressing than chest dysphoria was. Voice dysphoria manifested in its own ways where I could only truly talk by completely dissociating with my own voice. Emotional dysphoria was weird because I just felt like my body was out of control; I used to genuinely dissociate when I cried as a teen.
 
Do you wish to medically/socially transition? If so, how far/what stage are you at now?: I am ~1.5 years on testosterone and am 5 months post top surgery. I am completely socially and legally transitioned. (Well, I just need to mail the damn documents in to amend my birth certificate, but everything else is taken care of.) My doctor is pushing me hard to get a hysterectomy, and I have a consult this week. My current plan is to get the hysto and metoidioplasty taken care of within the next 1.5 years while I can still have my family's insurance cover those costs.
 
And, of course, the obligatory; how did you come to realize you were trans?: Took ~4 years of intense questioning, and I came out to myself when I hit the "I need psychological help/medical intervention" breaking point. I had to learn that I wasn't "straight by default" to realize that I wasn't "cis by default," so while the signs go pretty far back, I didn't even start questioning until college. Reading "The Null HypotheCis" was the final straw that broke the "not trans enough" camel's back.

[ChillaKilla]

What's your name?:

Leo

Why did you choose it?:

I like it. A few artists I admire + this one really cute dog have that name.

If you're NB or genderless, does it matter to you that your name be unisex?:

Not really.
Describe why it does/doesn't:

I’m fine with having a more masculine name too

What gender are you/do you identify as?:

Ambonec
Is it different from what you tell people you are? If yes, why?:

I tell people I’m just nonbinary and/or transmasculine (which is true, but not remotely specific) Those terms alone are difficult enough to explain to people unfamiliar with trans concepts, so unless I’m amongst trans/NB peers I keep it as simple as possible

Do you experience dysphoria?:

Abso-freaking-lutely

If no, why not? If yes, will you describe it?:

It’s like depression and anxiety all rolled up into one wonderful (/s) package

Do you wish to medically/socially transition? If so, how far/what stage are you at now?:

I’m fully socially transitioned, on HRT, but pre-op for everything.

And, of course, the obligatory; how did you come to realize you were trans?:

Literally, I was watching a kpop music video in 10th grade and I was like “oh man they’re hot”. But then I thought about it for more than five seconds and I realized “hold on...shit... do I wanna be ON them... or BE THEM?!?” And the rest is history.

[Guest]

What's your name?:

Bryan/Rainne  [I have two because i'm that unique ]

 

Why did you choose it?: I just love both names

 

If you're NB or genderless, does it matter to you that your name be unisex?:

I don't care to be honest, as long as i can be myself and choose whatever i like.

Describe why it does/doesn't:

I'm fine with both masculine and feminine names.

 

What gender are you/do you identify as?:

Pangender/Genderfluid (Agender/Bigender/Androgynous. My gender is fluid but i feel neutral in addition.

Is it different from what you tell people you are? If yes, why?:

I just tell them i'm fabulous because that's the way i am! I don't feel like preaching my gender ID to them if i feel they're not open to it.

 

Do you experience dysphoria?:

I used to experience chest dysphoria pre surgery.

 

If no, why not? If yes, will you describe it?:

The constant fear of people looking at that body part while you try to hide it as best as you can plus the negative thoughts surrounding that fear of people noticing that body part you want to hide.

 

Do you wish to medically/socially transition? If so, how far/what stage are you at now?:

I have no plans to medically/socially transition. I tend to buy male clothing from time to time and use my binder/sportsbra's on certain days.

 

And, of course, the obligatory; how did you come to realize you were trans?:

After some serious research and realizing i was totally doing things the opposite way. I learned about the term on AVEN a few years ago.

[Starbogen]

What's your name?:

Adrián

 

Why did you choose it?: 

I wanted a name that worked well in both Spanish and English, that sounded clearly male but not super masculine (so I disliked names that ended in "o"), and also a name that sounded like something my parents might have actually chosen at the time... So one day I just thought of that name and I liked how it sounded, plus it's the male version of my grandmother's name and later I learned my mom actually almost named me that. So it had like an extra bonus.

 

If you're NB or genderless, does it matter to you that your name be unisex?:

I'm not NB but when I started questioning I thought I was and I prefered a unisex but masculine sounding name.

Describe why it does/doesn't:

I'm not NB but back then I guess I just liked having a kind of technically androgynous/ambiguous name.

 

What gender are you/do identify as?:

Male

Is it different from what you tell people you are? If yes, why?:

No

 

Do you experience dysphoria?:

Definitely

 

If no, why not? If yes, will you describe it?:

It used to be just a sense of not liking my body, just not liking the parts that marked it as a female body, and jealousy because guys got to have the kind of body I wish I could have. Now it still feels that way but the dislike of my female body parts is more like hate, and when I look at them or think of them it just feels really disturbing. They look wrong and like they should not be there. They look alien on me.

 

Do you wish to medically/socially transition? If so, how far/what stage are you at now?:

Yep. I'm pre everything medically and legally but I've socially transitioned as much as I can, meaning that I came out to everyone, present as male, and live as male as much as possible. That last thing means that my family doesn't acknowledge me as male and I for the most part don't say anything about it to avoid fights, but I never ever refer to myself in the way they do.

 

And, of course, the obligatory; how did you come to realize you were trans?:

It's a long story but I think it all kind of started with me wanting to go to my senior prom in a suit. My parents didn't let me in the end, but somewhere along the line of trying to convince them to let me and then resigning myself to the reality that I'd have to go in a dress and that I didn't like that just like every other time the suit vs dress issue had come up, I realized I didn't want to be "a girl in a suit" or wear it with heels or makeup or anything at all that made me look like a girl. And I had already known for years I wanted a flat chest but yeah this image I had of myself in the suit looking like any other guy kind of planted the seed of "could there be something else?" In my mind more than all the previous little things I had thought before that I knew made me an atypical "girl".

After that I started questioning my gender when I was in college and then I just gradually went for a more and more male expression while still having a lot of doubt about truly being male. But in the end I just thought "well there's two options here, either I'm trans or I'm cis, and I really don't want to spend my life as female because it just doesn't work for me." So just knowing I felt like that kinda made me realize that I did not sound cis at all. Reading the aritcle Mezzo Forte mentioned also helped me. And my gf helped me a lot.. There wasn't just one or even a few things that made me "realize".. I think that's not even the right word for me so much as "accept". And the path to that was too long and complicated for me to summarize it here.

[K.I.N.G]

What's your name?: To y'all on the internet its currently Mel

 

Why did you choose it?: I heard Mel and for some reason it's always stuck with me thought it test it out here... it's not "the one" if i do change my name but its stuck for now.

 

If you're NB or genderless, does it matter to you that your name be unisex?: Not really

 

Describe why it does/doesn't:  just so long as it didn't immediately make people think i was female.

 

What gender are you/do you identify as?: Trans or NB

 

Is it different from what you tell people you are? If yes, why?: If somebody asked id say Trans just because I don't always identify wholly as male and saying Trans encompasses everything ( i.e. trans just meaning not cis) plus it's the one I connect most with however if i felt very stongly at the time id probably say male.

 

Do you experience dysphoria?: Yes

 

If no, why not? If yes, will you describe it?: it's a nagging constant blighter almost always at the back if not front of my mind and can end up causing sheer utter panic not to mention depression because nobody sees me as my let's say happier and more true self - if you've ever read the short story How the Rhino got its Skin by Richard Kipling then being AFAB is like that but itchier - ive never liked my body before i realised (that i was trans) i could have lived with it... now i could live with long term it but would unable to function or being happy.

 

Do you wish to medically/socially transition? If so, how far/what stage are you at now?:  I'm sort of at the beginning of socially transiting but still staying "under the radar" with the family while still being as male presenting as possible with my currently limitations.

 

And, of course, the obligatory; how did you come to realize you were trans?:  This will sound so fucking stupid but one evening for about 10 or so minutes I felt completely and undoubtedly like a guy.... and that was the moment i properly accepted it - before then i'd been feeling increasingly masculine this standing out to me as i never really felt anything very strongly gender wise.

[ReyGraves]

What's your name?:

Rey (Last name not actually Graves)

Why did you choose it?:

It’s connected to my birthname. A name I kind of like but was too feminine for me. 

If you're NB or genderless, does it matter to you that your name be unisex?:

I’m genderflux so I’m agender sometimes. Yes it does matter to me. 
Describe why it does/doesn't:

I’d feel dysphoric about my name

What gender are you/do you identify as?:

Genderflux ftm transgender
Is it different from what you tell people you are? If yes, why?:

Yeah. I haven’t told a lot of people but the ones I have told have been told ‘transgender’. Mostly because I don’t want to confuse them with the genderflux thing. And if they thought I wasn’t “really a guy” then they’d feel like they could mess up pronouns without regret. “Oh she’s agender so she doesn’t care”. 

Do you experience dysphoria?:

Yes

If no, why not? If yes, will you describe it?:

Mostly social dysphoria. It might sound cheesy but my heart hurts when I here the wrong name or pronoun. Like someone decided to just rest their fist in my chest, making me feel heavier. I also get chest dysphoria. I get the strong urge to just squish them down. Also like anxiety is living on top of my stomach.  I usually deal with it by hugging a pillow to my chest and playing music with male vocals. 

Do you wish to medically/socially transition? If so, how far/what stage are you at now?:

Yes to both. I have come out to close friends and those that follow/are friends on social media. Only two people use the right pronouns but a lot are using the right name now. As of now I don’t think medically transistioning can happen for financial reasons. But I think I will want top surgery and hormones.  

And, of course, the obligatory; how did you come to realize you were trans?:

Slowly. My hair lived in a pony tail for a year before I cut it off. (And not knowing the reason for my giddiness when my mom told me I’d look like a boy). Lots of research later and many labels later and reflection and I came to transgender. (Demigirl, agender, transmasculine, libramasculine, demiguy, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ , *panic*, trans*, agender, genderflux, agenderflux, transgender, genderflux transgender, transgender, then back to genderflux transgender.)  

[Siimo van der fietspad]

What's your name?: So, being quite new to this I've not entirely settled on something definite. At the moment Sara is my strongest candidate, and keeps the same initial, but I also quite like Olivia. There's also the option of Sarepa, who is a mythological character in a world-building group thing. Or stick with Siimo which is less overtly masculine for English ears. 

 

Why did you choose it?: Sounds nice, and same as my birth initial.

 

If you're NB or genderless, does it matter to you that your name be unisex?: Kind of...

Describe why it does/doesn't: Hmm, well, yes it is something that I feel ought to be a self-imposed condition if I'm NB. That's why I am quite drawn to inventing names as then I can just declare them to be genderless. But then I feel the overall criteria would be the aesthetic of the name; does it sound nice? Does it express me?

 

What gender are you/do you identify as?: Non-binary transgender at the moment. But I like the idea of 'a foot in both camps' so might revise this to bigender in the future. I decided I was going to call myself trans seeing as GQ and NB are widely accepted under the trans umbrella and also their Pride flags are a bit yuk compared to the lovely pink and blue stripes. I like to think that 'trans' can be short for 'transcending' as well as 'transitioning' gender.

Is it different from what you tell people you are? If yes, why?: I tend to present quite male as I'm still in the early stages, but I do tell people when necessary that I am genderqueer.

 

Do you experience dysphoria?: Only mildly. It's never caused a breakdown or anything and like a lot of trans folk who didn't realise until later on I often see it retrospectively. 

 

If no, why not? If yes, will you describe it?: There are several facets, usually quite subtle. I really don't feel like I fit in to a lot of masculine ideals, or I tend to pick and choose little bits of them. I really have no desire for a huge muscular body, in fact 'getting ripped' would be about the worst thing that could happen to me. I like to be a twinky, feminine figure and have a thin waist. Also, the thought of having breasts and wider hips etc quite appeals, I would like the way it made me walk.  I much prefer the style of feminine clothes and get quite annoyed when I can't express myself in 'male' attire, which I often don't like the colour/cut of and the general tone of either 'tough' or 'stylish gentleman'.  Increasingly I really don't like being called 'sir' or 'mr', it's just kind of uncomfortable.  And I don't like the way men can't get their emotions out, I have often found it much easier to talk with women. 

 

Do you wish to medically/socially transition? If so, how far/what stage are you at now?: Only just started the gradual process of social transition - I am still questioning. Could be tricky in future being a teacher as I have heard stories of transphobic bigot parents stoked by the hate media claiming that we are trying to assault their children. I definitely want to start dressing half-and-half and doing things like nail varnish and hair accessories, it's fun to experiment and gleefully chuck gender norms out the way. I currently have almost zero desire for medical transition, the only thing I might just consider is some hormones to reduce body hair and alter my face shape and make my figure more girly. But I don't hate my male body enough to justify painful and expensive and lengthy surgery. I'm pretty indifferent to my sex organs rather than actually hating them...I am ace after all.

 

And, of course, the obligatory; how did you come to realize you were trans?: Growing my hair might have been the real starting point. I caught myself imagining myself as a female a few times, what it would be like to have a female body, etc. Then it dawned on me how much I rejected 'male' culture and ideas, I liked things that were 'girly' etc. I'd met a few transfolk over the years and yet actually knew very little about it, like one of my very good uni friends transitioned FtM after I had graduated and I just assumed it was a name change, short hair and dressing male, I had no idea about hormones and stuff. Even when I saw Conchita Wurst I was just like 'oh, ok, she has a beard, I wonder how that happened?' So I did a bit of digging and came across words like genderqueer and non-binary and thought 'hmm, that sounds quite like me!' Then I discovered Maya and Contrapoints (mmm, I have quite a squish...) channels and learned a whole lot more. I think a real 'moment' came a few weeks ago when we were discussing all things LBGT with two bi friends and some allies and one asked how I'd feel be referred to as 'she and her' (I accept pretty much any pronoun) and I just got this wonderful rush from thinking about someone talking about me as 'she'. 

[Zwei]

What's your name? My name is Zane.

How did you choose it? I just thought it sounded cool.

What gender are you/what gender do you identify as? I'm probably bigender (male & neutrois) but I feel more male then anything.

Is it different from what you tell people you are? If yes, why? I just tell people that I'm a guy or ftm because its easier.

Do you experience gender dysphoria? Yes, very much so. I hate looking female. Unless it's Halloween lol.

Do you wish to medically/socially transition? If so how far/what stage are you at now? I've been on testosterone for almost 11 months. I'm out to all my friends and family.

When did you realize that you were trans? I pretty much knew since the age of three.

[nerdperson777]

What's your name?: Calvin, or I'm fine with my neutral birth nickname Cat.  Then my unofficial middle name is Mathison, after Alan Mathison Turing, because I like math.  That way, my initials are still CML.

 

Why did you choose it?:

Short story: Calvin is from Calvin and Hobbes, my favorite childhood story, and it sounds very close to my birthname so if I'm not out, I can have people think they heard wrong.

Long story: In high school, my friends were these three girls and at one point they all decided to give themselves male nicknames for fun.  Nancy was Nathan, Jennifer was Jake, and other Kat was Keith.  Then I chose mine for the comic reason.  I thought this was epicly cool and I would occasionally bring it up in conversations and call them their other name.  One day I brought it up in a random phone call and "Jake" didn't remember.  Then I realized that I was the only one who took it seriously.

 

If you're NB or genderless, does it matter to you that your name be unisex?:

It would be nice, but I didn't find any that fit me.  Plus I didn't really want to copy someone else's name out of anxiety.  Technically I had a classmate called Calvin [my mom's last name] but I hardly talked with him so it's okay.  I already knew an Alex, Terry, Sam.  I don't mind that I got a masculine name.

Describe why it does/doesn't:

I'm masculine enough that it's fine with me.

 

What gender are you/do you identify as?:

NB or transmasculine.  I tend to define transmasculine as a NB that's more masculine leaning.  But sometimes I have feminine moments so I take that as some of my NB moments.  Plus I would have rare sporadic moments of rejecting my masculine aspects for a day or so once every couple months or a year.  It's happened twice in the three years I've realized my non-cis-ness.  It was weird.  I was feeling dysphoric about having armpit hair that I don't shave, and then being called mister.

Is it different from what you tell people you are? If yes, why?:

I just assume myself male during most interactions.  I'm stealth at work (other than when I need a different name on my checks).  There seems to be only binary trans people at the martial arts studio.  Since I'm passing as male, other people there assume my pronouns.  I only run into issues when someone knows me before I changed my name there.  My trans friends call me they since that's my Facebook pronoun.  But both work.

 

Do you experience dysphoria?:

Currently it's mostly social dysphoria.  My parents don't accept my identity and are still probably waiting for this "phase" to be over.  They know I chose the name Calvin, or at least my mom does.  I think I gave up on them really early on so they probably don't even know my pronouns.  My mom occasionally has to justify certain products, like lotion and face cleanser, as neutral so that I would use it.  She knows I'm more in between for gender but the fact that my gender expression is almost 100% binary male throws her off.  My parents are good at analyzing things on the surface (for more than just gender), but they don't understand what goes on under.  So I can say I'm "neutral" but they see male.  Since they're not native English speakers, they mess up pronouns for people all the time.  Sometimes they "correct" themselves when they call me he.  With relatives, they often act like nothing's going on in terms of arguments or other life stuff.  In gatherings, we're here for the moment and problems can be put on the backburner.  So my gender stuff goes there.  Everyone's calling me she with my full name and it sucks.  The relatives we see frequently are really traditional so I don't think they would react well to me "changing genders".

In terms of body dysphoria, I haven't been having them much after starting hormones.  I used to hate bottom dysphoria so much.  I knew before I even started it that I didn't want it.  Since I started much later than many, I thought, if my aunt doesn't have boobs, it's possible for me to not have periods, right?  My mom shut me down by saying then I couldn't have kids.  I'm not sure that I really want kids.  I think it's mostly pressure from parents.  Over time, I gave up the idea that I would stop having periods so every month I would just numb myself to the feelings.  But once I realized that I was trans, my hope reawakened.  I wasn't sure if I wanted T, but knowing that a solution was possible, I felt better.  While many people hate that they have these defining body parts, I actually don't care that I have a vagina or a uterus.  I can't see it, so how can I hate something that I can't see?  I just hate that blood comes out of there.  The first times I had it, I actually tried to believe that a bully somehow painted my underwear red without actually taking it from me.  I didn't want to believe that this terrible thing was happening to me.  I don't have too much issues with my chest.  I think it's mostly because it's really small (thank you genes).  As a teenager, my mom said that I slouched to hide my boobs but I denied it.  It was most likely true.  Don't know if it's the T, but I only bind now when I go do martial arts, so my chest isn't flying around.  I may feel more confident that my chest got even smaller or I stopped caring, who knows.  But I'm currently trying to get my first black belt so I haven't been binding on tests to have as much energy as possible.  

 

If no, why not? If yes, will you describe it?:

Oops I already answered it with the previous question.

 

Do you wish to medically/socially transition? If so, how far/what stage are you at now?:

I started T on 7/17, so it's been over 3 months now.  I'm basically male in everywhere that isn't my home or with relatives.  I bought a simple STP a couple days ago but I wasn't given any details of how long it would take.  All I did was send a Paypal payment and then....nothing.  It's kind of interesting watching my progression.  I was never really interested in having such a body part but in the past month or so, I got curious about how to pee standing.  I even tried just standing in the middle of the bowl without a device.  After that I just really needed to get one.  Never have I been so curious about penises in my life.  I'm kind of undecided on top surgery.  It's kind of, do I really need surgery, or can I do enough exercise to work it off?  If I got asked about it a couple months ago, I would've said no top surgery.  I seem to be content with my quarter dosage.  My voice lowered just enough for me to still talk high, even if I'm cracking a lot right now.  My peach fuzz is longer.  Body hair, don't really care.  The only thing I really love about T is the stamina, endurance, and muscle I've been getting.  Yesterday I was wondering if I actually got biceps.  Hormones are definitely playing a huge role in my black belt test.  Without it, I would've collapsed at the first step from lack of conditioning.  I can do all the stuff well, but it's my conditioning that won't hold up.

 

And, of course, the obligatory; how did you come to realize you were trans?:

There were many signs in my childhood that I missed, like the time I wore boy's cargo pants at Target and a worker said "sir, don't do that" when I was riding a cart.  I turned around to realize that he was actually talking to me.  In terms of Disney movies, I liked Mulan and Tarzan, both a little more masculine coded than other movies.  But I did not truly identify as trans, or know much about it, until I was halfway into college and breaking down from stress.  First it was mental illness, and then I got led to gender.  As always, I was hesitant to identify as a minority, which didn't have protection.  Plus I got met with "you're too feminine/not masculine enough".  But really, I'm like a feminine boy.  I still do some stereotypical girl behaviors and I don't really care.  When it comes to masculine behavior, I do them, but I'm overly self-conscious about accidentally doing something toxic masculine.  I don't want to keep up that culture.  Masculine people can be feminine.

 

[Shoggoth]

What's your name?:

Ally. Nickname of my birth name, though I've been searching for a new one for a while now. Mags maybe? I'll let you know.

 

Why did you choose it?:

My parents picked it out. If I go with Mags, it's the name I gave to a dragon character I created when I was a kid, and still love. It feels a little more fem than I'd like (Mags was a female black dragon), but I still like it more than anything else I've come up with. And I don't hate my given name, but it just doesn't sit quite right on me.

 

If you're NB or genderless, does it matter to you that your name be unisex?:

Yes. I want my name to be solidly gender ambiguous. 

Describe why it does/doesn't:

I don't want people to be able to make assumptions based on the gendered sound of my name. I don't want them to be able to assume I am female, or male, because I'm not either of those things.

 

What gender are you/do you identify as?:

Agender and transmasculine. I am 110% agender, I don't get it, I don't feel it. I have a strong preference for a masculine asthetic though, and no real interest in much that is considered feminine. 

Is it different from what you tell people you are? If yes, why?:

Kinda? I'm not out to many yet, just my roommate, and my best friend. I don't have a huge issue with people seeing me as female, I'm just aware that that isn't what I am, and when I feel a bit more confident I will definitely be telling the rest of my friends and family. I'm actually going to talk to a few of my friends today and ask them to start using they/them. Big step, I'm excited, and glad I have supportive people in my life. 

 

Do you experience dysphoria?:

Yes. Though, it's not awful, and I can mostly ignore it.

 

If no, why not? If yes, will you describe it?:

I mostly don't think about what I look like/my physical form, so it's something that generally comes up most when I'm looking in a mirror. I always want my breasts to be smaller or gone entirely, I wish my face was more angular and less soft, I always wish my muscles were more defined (working on that!), I semi-frequently wish I had facial hair and have some fake goatees for that purpose, and I feel largely indifferent to my bits. I used to not like them, and wish I had the opposite set, but I've done a lot of work on learning to love this meat avatar, and I think me and my vagina are on ok terms at this point. It's just sort of there, and I have accepted it for the most part. Though, to be fair, bottom surgery scares me more than it intrigues.

 

Do you wish to medically/socially transition? If so, how far/what stage are you at now?:

I'd really like to have top surgery and start hormones, however I want/need to talk with a specialized therapist first andI have no money for that kind of thing. I present as non-gendered as I can. My hair is short, and I have an undercut all the way around. When I tie it back it looks like I have a nice suave men's hair style, and I like that most right now. I don't wear a bra, it reminds me that I have breasts whereas I can just forget them when I don't wear one. I like wearing unisex shirts and harem pants, or men's shorts. I don't wear much traditionally feminine attire, and recently came to the realization that I am incapable of wearing skirts and dresses anymore. I mean I can, but it feels wrong, and I just want to take it off immediately. I would also like to get facial tattoos eventually to mark me as decidedly 'other', though I have yet to decide on what those will be. 

 

And, of course, the obligatory; how did you come to realize you were trans?:

I honestly don't recall. I've never felt very attached to my gender, and my memory is terrible. I do remember the first time I cosplayed a male character though and it felt so good, and right, and better. To be clear, I don't feel that I am male in any way, I have no attachment to male just as i have no attachment to female. I'm neither. I just really prefer to be confused as a male than as a female. Ideally I'd like to present as a confusingly genderless entity.

[F1shCake]

What's your name?:

Not posting on the internet

Why did you choose it?:

It sounds good and it's the name of the first enby I ever met, so it's on homage to the person who helped send me on my trans journey. Plus it feels like it feels good and fits.

If you're NB or genderless, does it matter to you that your name be unisex?:

Yes.
Describe why it does/doesn't:

Because I'm not a guy or a girl and I want to leave as much ambiguity as possible.

What gender are you/do you identify as?:

Maverique/Nuetrois multigender/genderfluid.
Is it different from what you tell people you are? If yes, why?:

I just say nonbinary because explaining anything more specific to cis people is awkward.

Do you experience dysphoria?:

Yes.

If no, why not? If yes, will you describe it?:

It varies. Sometimes it's just shock for a moment that something is or is not there. Sometimes it's this feeling of wrongness. But sometimes it feels like someone had sewn on two jellyfish to my chest. I very rarely get phantom penises but it has happened, but my usual bottom dysphoria is just the feeling that it should be bigger. Sometime when I get uterus dysphoria it feels like if body were do a certain thing, it would be living hell.

Do you wish to medically/socially transition? If so, how far/what stage are you at now?:

Yes, I would like to socially transition, I'm planning on changing my name when I go full time trans. I want top surgery, a hysterectomy and low dose T. I am currently binding and have cut my hair short.

And, of course, the obligatory; how did you come to realize you were trans?:

I started reading feminist blogs that contained a lot of discussion on trans stuff, and slowly realised how much I related to trans experience, and when my dysphoria began to increase, I realised that I wanted and needed medical stuff and couldn't just keep it to myself.

[vmdraco]

What's your name?:

Vic / Victor.

 

Why did you choose it?:

It's honestly just a masculine version of my birth name.  I'm most comfortable with Vic, though.

 

If you're NB or genderless, does it matter to you that your name be unisex?:

Not NB, though I understand how someone can be NB as I used to think I was genderfluid in some way.  I guess my name can be unisex, which is fine for me because people have been calling me Vic my whole damn life so why change it?

Describe why it does/doesn't:

It matters that my name can be unisex, mainly because I am not fully comfortable with being called Victor, at least not yet.  I like Vic because of where I am in transition, where I am androgynous physically and it doesn't cause an uproar if I say my name is Victor and it's clear my voice and body don't reflect that.  It can cause some unneeded drama in a public setting when I am not ready on an emotional level.  Maybe I would like it more once transition continues, but right now it's weird as hell.  Hopefully that makes a lick of sense!

 

What gender are you/do you identify as?:

FTM specifically.  Some trans guys simply ID as a man, but I do ID as trans because I don't think I will ever fully fit the mold of a cis guy.  I am personally not ashamed of growing up female, or having female parts down there.  I don't see that as a bad thing, and my lack of desire for a dick won't change that.  I refuse to erase my past identifying as a cis female, because that is reality.  It's just how I grew up, it's not bad or good, and what matters is that I understand myself more now and I'll make attempts to feel more comfortable in a body that will someday feel like home. 

 

If anything I find having things in common with girls an advantage, especially if I was dating a cis girl and I can relate to what she means when she's catcalled or dealing with feminine issues, because that's what I had to put up with and still do.  I can relate to them because I experienced them, but not identify as a woman, and I think that can be comforting.  

Is it different from what you tell people you are? If yes, why?:

I guess so.  I know my parents understand it as going from one binary to the next.  I don't see it that way, if that makes sense.  I see it more as me understanding my feelings and being honest with myself, and that happens to include pronoun changes and associating myself on the male spectrum.  That is going from one binary to the other, but I see it as discovering myself and not as something that's concrete and so defined medically.  I don't feel as though I've changed much, only on a level of how comfortable I am, and being a trans guy makes sense for damn once.

 

In terms of coming out, then no, I tend to disclose it to people I trust the most.

 

Do you experience dysphoria?:

Yes.  You got an extra $10,000 to treat it?  

 

If no, why not? If yes, will you describe it?:

It's hell.  Don't understand non-binary/trans folk who don't have it and still ID as trans.  I mean, do you I guess but like ???? what is this magic and can I have it? 

 

Most of my dysphoria is for my chest/feminine shape, and voice.  It's hard to really describe dysphoria because it's different for everyone, but it constantly feels like there's something off and it never leaves no matter what and it literally drives you crazy.  It's this constant need for something to change, but you're powerless to do anything about it since it is permanently attached to your skin.  The feeling of certain body parts against my skin when I know what's comfortable for me is bizarre, and it keeps me from standing up taller or wearing something that makes me feel good when I know it doesn't reflect what I imagine myself to be.  Some days, you can ignore it, but other days you want to rip your skin off.

 

Do you wish to medically/socially transition? If so, how far/what stage are you at now?:

I do wish to medically transition in some way, yes.  HRT is a trilling prospect for me, because having a deep voice and body type that I've imagined myself having for years will take the edge out of me.  Top surgery may scare me but my chest is one of my number one problems, so I feel once it's done it won't be a regret.  It is hard to gage, though, because sometimes I feel extremely uncertain about what is best for me at this point in time when I am still in an environment where certain family members are adjusting; if I decided to do it now, then I'd have to contend with family members cringing when I'm genuinely happy, and it will sour the experience.  I hate deciding it based on that, but I want people to be supportive and be happy that I'll feel better with me, and not because they're mourning someone that's still alive.  I'm at a point now where my friends and close family call me he/him, but I am not openly trans to the universe to avoid harassment and general embarrassing questions and situations.  I want to be 100% comfortable with it before I can ever socially transition as a whole.

 

And, of course, the obligatory; how did you come to realize you were trans?:

It's a long ass story my dude lol It's been building up for years.  I didn't start officially questioning until after high school, though I suspect that I've had dysphoria since I was 13/14 and recall having horrid dysphoria for my chest and body since day fucking one.  This is mainly because being labeled as a cis female with feminine pronouns was all I knew, and I didn't even know what transgender was until a couple of years ago, or that what I experienced was anything akin to gender dysphoria.  Doesn't help that trans men are almost nonexistent in American culture, so how the hell could I know?  When you're not exposed, you have no reason to question.  Until it was discussed, it made me realize something about myself that I didn't bother digging deep enough to find, because I never thought it would be possible.  Yet here I am I guess lmao

[nerdperson777]

@vmdraco I feel like some of the points you're making has to do with toxic masculinity.  I want to stay away from that too.  I feel like my experiences living an AFAB life makes me able to see the problems with a patriarchal society.  (But I guess anyone trans can really do that too.)  I don't mind that I am AFAB because not everything about the male experience is what I want.  Just being trans gives us a point of view that cis people may not understand.