Friendship needs of Asexuals

[Jewel Bright]

I am realizing that I have really high needs for connections in friendships. Is this an asexual thing? or a me thing? What do you think?

[Forgotten Fox]

I feel like a need for friendship, for me personally, is just how I am as I've always been the type to make plenty of new friends since it's fun. Though I would not be surprised if asexuality had something to do with it.

[Galactic Turtle]

I value my friendships but after finishing high school I didn't feel the need to make any additional friends. It turns out that I made two friends by the end of high school and two more by the end of college. Now I'm out working in towns far away from everyone I know but I'm not bothered by it. I can talk to my friends online and I don't feel bothered by distance. 

[EmotionalAndroid]

I have only had one friend (my sister) for the vast majority of my life. Sometimes I think I want to have more friends, but then when I actually talk to other people I decide that no, I really don't. I get little satisfaction from talking to people who aren't my immediate family (those I've known for literally my entire life). I think a lot of this is my ASD talking, though. I really don't understand human relationships at all. My sister and I are close because I have known her since the day I was born. I can't understand being close with someone I've known for less time.

 

Wow, I sound really cold, don't I? Sorry. I don't mean to. I just don't understand these things. I wish I did, though. Friends seem like a nice thing.

[TheCatBehind]

I literally could live my life as a hermit XDD I don't, but I could! When it comes to gender, it is way easier to talk to girls (as a man) than it is to other men, but I think that's just me exuding non-straightness lol

[amiadancer?]

I'm not really close with anyone in my family so I rely on my friends a lot. I think that in the future I would definitely want to be part of a fairly committed group of friends.

[Pramana]

I suspect people who don't follow society's norm of sexual/romantic pair bonding may rely more heavily on friendships. Although it can be  difficult to maintain such friendships when everyone else is sexual/romantic pair bonded.

[Salted Karamel]

I find that I have lower (IRL) friendship needs and always kind of attributed that partially to my lack of desire to be out meeting hawt people and mostly to my introversion. Almost all of my friends are long distance, most through the internet and some because I lived in a different city for 5 years. I've been back in this city for almost a year now, but haven't really made any effort to make friends.

 

IRL, I feel some societal pressure to have female friends because I fear that if I become friends with men they will expect it to go beyond the platonic. Or that they will just feign friendship until they realize it's only ever going to be platonic. Online, it doesn't matter to me at all because I think there's more of an understanding that things will only ever be platonic anyway.

[Gloomy]

I haven't really had friends since 2013 when I was still in college, and even before then I was an on and off loner, so friendships aren't very important to me. When I did have friends I didn't really care what gender they were.

[TheAP]

I feel like I don't really need friends all that much. I mean, they're nice to have and I value them a lot, but I'm fine being alone with the thoughts in my head. That's probably more to do with my autism than my asexuality, though. And I don't choose my friendships based on gender. I'll be friends with whoever wants to be friends with me.

[Elden]

I have a high need for friendship, but I don't know whether it's actually higher than those of my sexual friends. So far as I can tell, their need for friendship varies between individuals.

 

Gender in no way influences whether or not I want to be friends with someone.

[StormySky]

I want to be friends with lots of people. Gender isn't a problem. 

[arekathevampyre]

16 hours ago, amiadancer? said:

I'm not really close with anyone in my family so I rely on my friends a lot. I think that in the future I would definitely want to be part of a fairly committed group of friends.

Same !! Already found mine . I hope you do too soon

[arekathevampyre]

I choose friends based on personality and interests . Not gender . 

 

Also , friends may prove to be better than family sometimes (of course it only applies to true friends)

[notfeelingit98]

I mean, I am a hopeless crush machine (because people are beautiful, what can I do), but finding a significant other has never worked out for me. That's probably the main reason I care so much about friendships... and platonic relationships generally.

 

For some reason, I have always had more girl friends. It's not that I have anything against guys or anything, it just happened naturally. And it's not like I keep a score.

[Famethyst]

I don't feel like my friend needs are any more than other people's except that I'm maybe a little more sensitive in feeling excluded by them at times. I tend to favor friends of the opposite sex, mostly because I have more in common with most girls (a lot of guys my age strike me as douchy, and I don't share much with the rest unless we met through some common interest). However, all else equal, I don't prefer one sex over the other if we share interests, and it's nice having some guy friends too. 

[Maiflower]

I'm so angry. I accidentally misgendered myself when filling this out. Just take one from "different gender" and move it to "same gender".

 

Anyway, I think I need friends more, but I don't think it's because of my sexuality, but just because I don't have many friends, so I take what I can get.

[Jewel Bright]

I just added a few more questions, if you've already taken the poll feel free to respond in the comments!

 

[TheAP]

I think I have the right amount of friendships. And my perfect friend "says the most wonderful encouraging awesome things", as well as "knows when I need a hug, a massage or whatever."

[Groobly]

I don't really feel like I need anything from my friends. Just occasionally hanging out, shooting the shit, and making each other laugh. The option I really wish I had when voting on the "my perfect friend" part is an option for friends who you can laugh and joke with about pretty much about anything. Those are what me and my good friends do.

[Elden]

To answer the additional questions...

 

3: I'd say I currently have the right amount of close friendships. I don't think I could cope with any more, but I wouldn't want to lose any of the ones I have. I'd be happy to get even closer to my current close friends though.

 

4: I'm not sure which option I'd pick. Maybe the last one? I very much like hugs from my close friends. I do like it if they can spend a decent amount of time hanging out with me, but I also get stressed if I don't spend quite a lot of time alone. Ideally I think I'd like to spend a few hours a week with each of them individually.

[SamwiseLovesLife]

On 20/10/2017 at 11:04 PM, Jewel Bright said:

I am realizing that I have really high needs for connections in friendships. Is this an asexual thing? or a me thing? What do you think?

Totally a thing. I have loads more time for friends and need too. I am lucky enough to have a good number of close friends with whom I can cuddle, spend many hours/days with and understand I don't mean excessive touching in a sexual/romo way, I'm just very tactile. I'd still have close friendships if I had a partner but I certainly wouldn't need the company so much

[mori child]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks about this

 

Yeah, I often feel like I care more than people are generally expected to care in the early stages of friendship. I have very little tolerance for superficial interactions; I want to be bosom friends with everyone, NOW.

 

(Somewhat unrelated, but: I also wish that more people cared about the things that I find interesting. I hate it when I ask a question, and the people I'm asking just don't care. I hate feeling like I have to cater to "normal" people's interests because mine are too specific and/or nerdy.)

[Homer]

Ugh.

 

It appears that I have a higher standard as to what I call "friendship" than most people do. I'm willing to put in a lot more than "average" and I'm ready to open up much more than "average". The way things develop also depends on the other person of course; things can't go really really deep and intimate with everyone and it's okay if they don't because boundaries yada yada. Still, I (used to) have a much higher openness to this kind of things. It's also one factor that makes it hard for me to realize what other people find in romantic relationships that I don't have in a close friendship.

 

Nothing of that saved me from getting my teeth kicked in a couple of times though, so I have no intention to go down that road again anytime soon...

[Sea Lemon]

I feel like I have slightly higher friendship needs than most people, and generally gender doesn't matter, although I am initially more nervous around men before I get to know them (that's a trauma thing rather than an asexuality thing though).

 

Ideally I'd have a few deeper friendships than I do now - people to provide emotional support and adulting help would be ideal. 

[iff]

@Jewel Bright

 

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iff, Census Forum Moderator