Realizing asexuality late (and hello!)

[DenverPhilip]

Hi. My name is Philip. I'm in my 30s and I live in Denver, Colorado.

 

I've been in many relationships.  I've even had what I'd consider to be many partners.  But I never really had an interest in sex.  I tended to do it (especially early on) because I felt like I had to.  Later, I did it just to make my partners happy.  I never had any idea why I wasn't interested in sex personally, and I thought something was wrong with me.  I had myself tested for low T-levels and other dysfunctions, and my doctor eventually told me conclusively that it wasn't a physical issue. (Unspoken but understood: don't waste my time with any more of these tests!)

 

I'd heard about asexuality before, but honestly never gave it much thought until recently.  I ended a relationship of two years and, almost immediately, it clicked for me.  Why I wasn't happy in those relationships.  Why I wasn't interested in sex the way they were.  And it feels so freeing.

 

I'm new.  I admit, I don't know the terminology yet and I'm still feeling my way through.  But everything I read about it -- and the testimonials I read from others -- make me realize that this is who I am.  And I always have been.  I just...didn't know that.  And I'm glad I do now.  I want to be the real me.  And find a relationship that works for the real me.

 

Anyway, that's me.  I also love reading, writing, and pretty much anything nerdy.

 

Hello.  And please be patient with me.

[celestialwhims]

Congratulations! Discovering who you are is such a wonderful, and like you said, freeing feeling. I figured it out when I was fourteen, and I'm now a freshman in college. I'm so happy to know who I am so early, because most people aren't as fortunate. I'm so happy that you're finally able to accept who you are and experience the world as you were meant to. I hope you someday find a wonderful relationship with somebody who appreciates and embraces your sexuality wholeheartedly! 

 

Also, welcome to AVEN. We're a welcoming, informative community. So, if you're ever not understanding labels or terms (trust me, I still barely understand most of them, haha!), feel free to ask around. Good luck! xx 

[TheAP]

Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! 

As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here.  The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message.  Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. 

The following are also nifty links to take a look at:  Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's

 Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped!

 

 

I'm glad finding out about asexuality has been freeing for you.  

 

[Muledeer]

Hi Phillip and welcome to AVEN!  I'm glad you have discovered your asexual identity / orientation, and accepted it.  I was almost 50 when I came to terms with it.  When meeting new people as potential friends, I find that not fantasizing about sex to enable me to just enjoy people for who they are or could be. 

[Rosendust]

Welcome! I'm 23(will be 24 in November) and I have identified as Demisexual since I was 21. I hope you enjoy your time here! 

[borkfork]

Welcome! You can check out the AVEN lexicon if you want to learn more of the terms and slang. 

 

Some of us people in our 30s shoot the breeze here:

 

[Lichley]

Welcome, have some cake

[Brownace]

Welcome!!  Have some cake: 

 

I am pretty new here, too, and I discovered my asexuality not long ago as well. Just like you, it is all still sinking in, but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense I have always been asexual. And it is freeing! And it makes me feel very happy to understand myself this well! I am also in the process of looking for a relationship that works for myself. 

 

Wishing you and everyone on the forum the best!

 

 

[Ash_fi]

Hi, Philip

 

Welcome! I too realized it after trying to cope with a relationship and all it's tensions but somehow never figuring it out - figuring me out. It is freeing to finally have an explanation. Somehow I also feel sad for there is so little knowledge about this - or used to be when we were entering into adulthood. So many misunderstandings that could have been avoided. Luckily the younger generation is more aware and there are communities like this

 

I also love reading and writing. My stories used to be a bit too heavy and emotion-focused for some for there was no sexual tension - wonder why? 

[DenverPhilip]

Thank you all for the warm welcome. I especially appreciate the links for further reading. I genuinely appreciate how friendly everyone seems to be here, and I definitely intend to maintain that atmosphere.

 

Thank you.  I'm...still finding my footing.  Still coming to understand.  And I still haven't come out to anybody yet.  (Not that it's a race or anything, but...I'm processing it internally first.) You've all made me feel very welcome, and I look forward to getting to know you and others.

 

I did find a Denver Ace group on Meetup, and they have a few events planned.  I'm going to try to go to at least one of those.  It's tough because I'm an introvert, but making new friends who understand will be a really great help.