Spades&Hearts Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 I full heartedly know, like 100% without a doubt that I am asexual and highly sex-repulsed. The idea of other people having sex doesn't bother me, but the thought of having sex myself terrifies and disgusts me. With this in mind, why do I get jealous of sexual people having relationships and having sex? I want to like those actions and take part in them, but I know that I would never truly be interested in those things. Can someone tell me why I feel this intense jealousy??? Whenever I feel this way it really makes me feel like a broken person and that being asexual will only ever bring loneliness for me in life. I don't belong anywhere and I'm just tired of feeling so disconnected from the world around me. Please help. I will take any advice at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Wolfjackle Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 Honestly, we are conditioned by society to want that type of romantic relationship. It is also implied by society in general that if you don't have a monogamous romantic relationship you will die alone without friends or family. This is completely false, of course. But it is a belief built into the very fabric of society, at least in my experience. It's hardly surprising that you'd be jealous of that sort of relationship and desire it on some level even if you know you're not really interested when considering the practicalities. As for how to come to terms with that and get over the feelings? That part is a lot harder, I'm afraid. I satisfy it with knowing I have a few strong friendships that will withstand the perils of them marrying and me remaining single. I also am lucky enough to have some close family ties. So far that has been enough for me. I don't know if this helps, but I hope it does at least a little. Link to post Share on other sites
Stheg Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 Like what wolfjackle said. Having a romantic relationship that involves sex is considered the closest human relationship. Not wanting that is weird in a world where it's the most important thing. Personally, I remind myself all the reasons I'm happy I'm ace. It's not a perfect solution, but it helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Groobly Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 It's possibly more the thought of two people being so much in love that they share that moment together that makes you jealous rather than the act itself. Perhaps you long for a romantic relationship subconsciously? I'm always so saddened to see people who feel badly about their asexuality. I guess good advice could be to masturbate more often if you don't masturbate a lot as is. It sounds like perhaps erotic literature could be good for you, since you're sex repulsed yet seem to like the concept of it, but not actually seeing it? I'm personally really inexperienced with this subject matter, but maybe that could work for you. I hope it does, and I hope you feel better about your asexuality soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Techie Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 There are times that I feel jealous in regards that I see two people in love, caring for each other, and find myself angered that biology and DNA has chosen a different path for me. My church has become heavily involved in LGBT issues and is trying to attract more members from that community who have been shunned from other denominations. Just the other day we had a well known entertainer come and speak to us on her life's story during our service. She is now in a committed relationship but spoke in the past of being alone, feeling that she should would never find someone and was on the verge of suicide. For her, the problems stemmed from the cultural stigma of being gay and the lack of acceptance of LGBT people which has gotten a lot better over the years. A lot her of her issues resonated with me but the major difference being that where her isolation was due to society and culture, mine are due to biology as noted above. No amount of acceptance by society will change the fact that I just do not experience sexual attraction or even an interest in it. And that is a big show-stopper for 97% or so of the human population. On a side note, one thing I also find a bit frustrating is that as more and more issues of the LGBT community are brought up in my denomination, there has been ZERO mention of asexuality. We have even gone as far as using the alphabet soup of LGBTQA in talks but "A" is for "Ally" and ironically there were "Ally" stickers being handed out recently. There was a Q&A session after our service mentioned above where we had a chance to talk with our speaker and relate various issues and pose questions. I seriously debated bringing up my issues and asexuality, and its almost zero visibility in society (we are referred to as the Invisible Orientation after all), but with a lot of my fellow parishioners there who I have never mentioned my orientation to as well as a lot of LGBT people who did have questions, I felt it would be akin to rolling a hand grenade down the aisle so I kept my mouth shut and listened. I have debated dropping in on my pastor sometime (we are roughly the same age which is great) and finally bringing asexuality into the fold along with all of the other LGBT orientations. I will state that "I" do not consider myself a member of the LGBT community as I feel it is really allosexual movement plus, being heteroromantic, I have more affinity to heterosexual people. Link to post Share on other sites
Laplace Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Since it’s portrayed and characterized as the hallmark of a close relationship, it’s understandable to feel envious of physical intimacy. Like others have stated, you’re probably more envious of the sentiments behind it all instead of the actual actions. For me, it’s frustrating as I’m already someone who is already very emotionally constrained and I can’t really convey positive feelings very well (I’m great at conveying negative feelings 🙃). So even if I wanted to give someone a friendly hug, the best I could probably do is give them a small smile or a pat on the back/head unless they are already offering a hug. It’s tough to feel all that connected to people when I constantly feel like I’m projecting a shroud of ice, so that’s why I sometimes envy people who are so free with physical intimacy and have someone they’re comfortable with being close to. They have this happy bond, whereas I’m just currently floundering around in Aro-Ace-ville. Link to post Share on other sites
Quality_Penguins Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 I'm really sex repulsed too, and for me it's more that I'm jealous that my lack of sexual attraction is going to severely limit who would want to be with me. It's weird for me to image myself having/wanting sex, and I usually wish everyone was okay with not having sex. I think it's jealously of people who don't have such a big limiting factor on finding their significant other. Dating's certainly not easy for them, but it's even harder for us. So maybe it's jealously because we're so far from normal, which makes finding love harder. But even if you're different, that doesn't mean you don't belong. You certainly belong here. Being ace is sometimes a lonely thing, and it can be hard to deal with. But we're all here, and we've all experienced it to some degree. You're not completely alone, even if it can feel that way. Hopefully this helps Link to post Share on other sites
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