Am I an Ace or not?

[ChaoticGoodLoner]

Hi. I'm a new guy here and I have one simple question (okay, maybe several, complicated questions). Am I an Asexual? Or am I maybe Demisexual? Or am I just being silly and I'm really straight like I've always thought?

 

To elaborate, I've always sort 'felt' different, if that makes any sense. I've been doing a lot of reading and it seems like I fall into the Ace spectrum. Sex looks and sounds gross to me and I've never been obsessed with it like so many people I know. I've always found women to be physically appealing but I've never felt I could just up and have sex with any woman just based on her looks alone. I've always felt like there should be some form of meaningful, lengthy emotional bond first before the question of 'Would I have Sex?' can be answered. So that makes me think I fall under the Demi umbrella. But then I lean back toward feeling like an Ace since I feel like I don't need sex in my life (or even romantic love, for that matter, though I certainly wouldn't shun it). Also, to add to this, I've never had sex before and it absolutely does not bother me at all, even though I've been told that it should and sometimes feel like it should bother me.

 

This is all a recent realization, by the way. I've been convinced I'm straight for a really long time since I always felt that women are physically appealing and men are gross and hideous. But I've never been one to describe a woman as 'hot' since I've always tried to imagine the complex people that women are and feel guilty if I think of a woman's looks first instead of what kind of person she is. So the question that's been sort of eating at me in recent days is basically just what the hell am I? Is it safe to call myself Asexual? Or Demisexual? Or am I just not facing a reality that I'm straight and trying to equate feeling different with actually being different?

 

I appreciate any response since all of you are more knowledgeable on the subject than I am and I feel I can't speak from a position of authority on the subject like you can. Thanks for reading this long ramble if you made it this far. I'm a writer, you see, and this is what happens when you give me time and space to write. I go on like a raving lunatic. All right, I'm done. Thanks and I look forward to whatever insight any of you may have.  

[TheAP]

It sounds like you could be asexual or demisexual. You don't have to figure it out right away, though. Give it time.  Best of luck.

[Wolfjackle]

It definitely sounds like you may be asexual. Of course, only you can really decide that.

 

I know I relate with almost everything you've said and definitely identify as ace. I first admitted it around 21/22. Now I'm 26 and couldn't be happier with the label. Sex was never important to me. I mean, it was always something I figured would happen since I assumed I wanted the husband and 2.5 kids, but now that I'm older? Nah, I can do without for the rest of my life and be cool with that. It took some time to come to terms with that, I'll admit. And I'm nervous about what I'll do for companionship in the future, but for now things are pretty ok!

 

Unfortunately, only time will tell if you are demi vs ace. I know I've met who I'd consider the perfect guy and felt nothing at all, so I'm pretty set in my ace identity, but who knows? Maybe life will work out differently for you.

[gisiebob]

friend, walk fearlessly in the house you find yourself in. we are not here to give you answers, only to provide the confidence to find those answers.

[Doctor13]

You are whatever you define yourself

That said, you sound like a demi to me (which falls in the ace spectrum). Your need to get to know someone first before evening thinking about that definitely seems demi to me. & sex definitely doesn't have to bother you to be ace! It does for some (apothisexuals), but definitely not all. 

It does help, sometimes, to have a name for things, but you don't have to put a name to it. Just be your marvelous self

 

[ChaoticGoodLoner]

1 hour ago, gisiebob said:

friend, walk fearlessly in the house you find yourself in. we are not here to give you answers, only to provide the confidence to find those answers.

I don't think I made this clear and I'm sorry for that. I don't necessarily seek any definitive 'answers' just the insight of people with experience and knowledge that I myself do not possess. It's a burning question in my mind and my first instinct for that will always be to find the answers to that question as quickly as possible. Call it a character flaw that I just don't have the patience to sit and wait. I must also apologize for my 'all or nothing/black and white' phrasing. It's how my mind works, even though I know everything is far more grey than that. It's something I've been trying to work on for a while.

 

What I'm looking for, in short, is more of a 'does what I feel fit the spectrum of Asexuality as you know it?' than anything else. I then plan to take whatever insights people provide and try to understand for myself if I fit into this spectrum or not. That's all.

 

Thanks for the responses so far, by the way. I really do appreciate it.

[mayapple]

Your experiences are very similar to mine, and I currently identify as ace! You could definitely be ace or demi. From the information you gave me, it seems there's an equal chance of you being either of those. And, as you've probably heard from many people, only you can decide your orientation. I wish you best of luck in figuring out your orientation!