Tbear Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 I've never had "the talk" with my mom because we've never had to. My friend told me what sex was and my mom just knew that I knew. We tried and still try to avoid that subject, even if when watching a movie and they revealed as much as a bra my mom would tell me to leave the room or cover my view(I'm 14)only know is she excepting that I know what sex is so I'm allowed to stay in the room but it still makes her very uncomfortable. My problem is I don't know who I can talk to about being asexual. I only have one friend who I think I can trust with my secrets, but talking to him about this(sex, etc...) to me is a little embarrassing. I've always been a loner in life and he is my only friend, I don't have any girlfriends. I have classmates. Do you have any advice? I know it shouldn't be but this is my one secret that I feel I can't share with anyone. (I hope I made sense) Thank u. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ace ♠ At ♠ Archery Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 Have you ever talked about anything like that with your friend? I would find out how they feel about it first before telling them. You could bring up a making out/sex scene in a movie/show and ask him what he thought about it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tbear Posted October 18, 2017 Author Share Posted October 18, 2017 during one of our conversations sex was brought up and I felt very uncomfortable while talking about it!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NerotheReaper Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 Welcome to AVEN! Well being uncomfortable about the topic is sex doesn't make you asexual, you could be sex repulsed though. Sex is one of these oddly taboo subjects that you shouldn't talk about so openly even though we live in a very sexual society. You can go online and do some research on sexuality, and sex itself and become more educated on the subject this is a good thing to do regardless of your sexuality. You should be aware of your body, the functions of it, because it is all natural nothing to be ashamed of. For me, in my health class all they told us was "don't have sex ever" and that was the extent of my health class in school, my parents just told me "guys and girls are different, they have different parts that do different things. Also don't have sex." Research and find out much as you can, and do keep in mind you are still fairly young your body is still changing keep that in mind. A lot of people who are asexual do know early on, though in five years you might feel completely different. Or you might still feel the same, you know yourself best. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tbear Posted October 18, 2017 Author Share Posted October 18, 2017 But who do I talk to about all of this(even if I feel uncomfortable)?, or do I keep it to myself? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tbear Posted October 18, 2017 Author Share Posted October 18, 2017 1 hour ago, Ace ♠ At ♠ Archery said: Have you ever talked about anything like that with your friend? I would find out how they feel about it first before telling them. You could bring up a making out/sex scene in a movie/show and ask him what he thought about it. Ow would I start this conversation??? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NerotheReaper Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 10 minutes ago, Tbear said: But who do I talk to about all of this(even if I feel uncomfortable)?, or do I keep it to myself? You're free to reach out for help on here! There are a lot of awesome people on here who can help you Quote Link to post Share on other sites
celestialwhims Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 I have definitely felt like this before, so I totally understand where you are coming from. I was around fourteen when I first discovered that I was asexual, and while I had really wonderful friends in my life and my family was super supportive, they just didn't understand. It's also hard sometimes for us (asexuals) to explain how we feel without becoming uncomfortable ourselves. It's a tricky subject. When I talk about sex or sexuality, I try to keep it very ambiguous and vague because I get very uncomfortable whenever people talk about the graphic details of those acts. I'm not exactly sex-repulsed, but the less I have to talk about it, the better. However, in your case, I'm not sure. You could be sex-repulsed, like others have said, or you could just be uncomfortable to the thought of sex. You're young, so that's a very valid thought. Either way, you should be honest with your friend if you need somebody to confide in. He seems like a really special person in your life, so you must trust him. I'm sure he'll be very open to whatever you need to say, and if you explain to him what asexuality is or where to learn about it (AVEN is great a great resource!), perhaps you can more open discussions about you, and not necessarily about sex itself. You don't need to talk about sex if it makes you that uncomfortable. You could think of it as attraction to people sexually, or your lack thereof. Also, don't be embarrassed to be asexual! There's absolutely nothing wrong with it. You're not broken, or a freak, or a mistake in any way. You're made perfectly. Now, I'm not saying to come out to everybody you meet or anything. It's totally okay if you're not ready to tell your family and other people that you're asexual, but I would say that confiding in your friend would be a good move. You should have somebody to talk to IRL, it's really good to have somebody close when you need them. I'm wishing you all the best, and I hope you accept who you are with confidence and love. P.S. As others have also said, we're all here to support one another. We're all happy to give advice or comfort or anything else you need, this is a very loving, welcoming community. Good luck! xx Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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