lp0712 Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 Hi, I recently (a few weeks ago) stumbled onto a video explaining asexuality on Facebook. For some reason, I started thinking maybe it fit me? I have two moms, and had heard the term before, but never really knew what it meant till then. I'm 17 and here's what I know: -I develop crushes on people but my first crush wasn't until 9th grade. I never wanted to do anything sexual, like I just thought about us spending time together in a platonic way, yet still a relationship? I wanted to hold their hand and cuddle, but kissing/sex them seemed foreign and gross, and I didn't/don't understand how it could feel good/ why people wanted to do it. -I found my crushes beautiful to look at, but I didn't want to do anything sexual to them. Just holding hands and hugging sounded nice to me. To me, I just like looking at them, their aesthetically pleasing that makes me happy? I'm not sure, I guess when you look at someone attractive you like , are you supposed to get turned on and want to kiss and have sex with them?? -I understand being turned on, as I masturbate once in a while? But I don't like the idea of anyone really touching me in a sexual way and I don't have a desire to touch anyone in a sexual way either. I've had crushes on mostly boys and one girl, but don't have a desire to have anything sexual with either genders. -But how can I be sure/even identify as asexual if I have no experience with anything sexual? If anyone has advice or a similar experience I would love to hear what you think. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PurplePansy Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 As far as I know you don't need experience to know. If you don't feel the need to do anything sexual at all it's very likely that you are asexual. There are also asexuals that masturbate but don't want to have sex with other people. I think that just means that you do have a libido but you don't want to act on it with someone else. Sexual people don't need to have experience to know that they are sexual either, because they know they would like to have sex with someone. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 Asexuality isn't literally just a lack of sexual attraction. No sexual attraction? You could be ace. Masturbation, a libido (without sexual attraction), sexual in/experience and non-sexual kinks/fetishes do not affect this in any way. In the end it's up for you to decide how you identify, but you've got the all clear from us if choose to do so. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
QuantumEcho Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 8 minutes ago, lp0712 said: Hi, I recently (a few weeks ago) stumbled onto a video explaining asexuality on Facebook. For some reason, I started thinking maybe it fit me? I have two moms, and had heard the term before, but never really knew what it meant till then. I'm 17 and here's what I know: -I develop crushes on people but my first crush wasn't until 9th grade. I never wanted to do anything sexual, like I just thought about us spending time together in a platonic way, yet still a relationship? I wanted to hold their hand and cuddle, but kissing/sex them seemed foreign and gross, and I didn't/don't understand how it could feel good/ why people wanted to do it. -I found my crushes beautiful to look at, but I didn't want to do anything sexual to them. Just holding hands and hugging sounded nice to me. To me, I just like looking at them, their aesthetically pleasing that makes me happy? I'm not sure, I guess when you look at someone attractive you like , are you supposed to get turned on and want to kiss and have sex with them?? -I understand being turned on, as I masturbate once in a while? But I don't like the idea of anyone really touching me in a sexual way and I don't have a desire to touch anyone in a sexual way either. I've had crushes on mostly boys and one girl, but don't have a desire to have anything sexual with either genders. -But how can I be sure/even identify as asexual if I have no experience with anything sexual? If anyone has advice or a similar experience I would love to hear what you think. I have had crushes on boys but I never wanted to do anything with them but probably just hold hands. I have never had sex or done anything. I do masturbate once in a while it’s like a chore for me. I am just like you in ways. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
celestialwhims Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 First of all, I'm glad that you found a sexuality that you identify with. It's such a wonderful feeling to feel validated. When I was even younger than you, I used to feel like this after I discovered that I was asexual. I was so confused because I had never dated, kissed anybody, or even held hands with anybody who wasn't my best friend or my mother. I still haven't. What I want to tell you is that you absolutely do not need to have a sexual experience to determine if you are asexual or not. There are people who never have sex their entire lives, and they are perfectly happy with that. So, far, as a freshman in college, I think like that. I have absolutely no desire to try it, and I never feel the urge to masturbate either, but that varies for everybody. Many asexuals do it, so it's very normal, but many also never feel the need to. Some feel their libido spike when (this is usually for biological females) they're ovulating, but sometimes people aren't affected at all. There is no 'normal' when it comes to the asexual spectrum. There is no one size fits all. If you're satisfied by strong platonic relationships and romantic relationships without sexual intimacy (but other physical intimacy like hugging and such), then that's wonderful! Don't feel pressured to have sex just because you want to 'confirm' who you are. If you feel an urge to consensually be with somebody sexually, then that's perfectly fine. I started identifying as asexual when I was fourteen years old, and I don't feel like I need to have sex to justify that claim. Neither do you. You're validated just as you are! Good luck, and I'm so glad you've discovered yourself. P.S. When you see somebody attractive, you don't always have to get aroused. For asexuals, it almost never happens. If you see an actor you like in a film, are you aroused whenever he's on screen? Not likely. You can find people aesthetically attractive (as in, you appreciate their good looks and nothing more), and you can even be attracted to them romantically or physically (not always sexual). Asexual is just defined as not feeling sexual attraction towards other people. You can most definitely be attracted to somebody but not want to have sex with them. Like I said, everyone's experiences are different, and you're very normal. Good luck! xx 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpy Alien Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 That’s okay! Your preferences are valid regardless of experience. Maybe if you had experience, you’d feel differently. Maybe not. Identify as you are now. If it changes, so what? There’s no rule saying you need sexual experience to identify as asexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gloomy Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 You don't need to experience it to know. That would be like telling someone they can't know whether or not they're bisexual if they haven't tried sex with both men and women. I myself have no sexual experience, but still identify as asexual since I have no desire to have that experience. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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