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I've been having some gender issues recently.....


Spades&Hearts

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Spades&Hearts

I guess I've always had issues with my gender. I'm a female and pretty small at only 4'10". I also have distinctly feminine features. In the past I usually ignored these feelings, but after graduating high school (where I didn't really have any true friends so I wasn't so worried about other people) and being in my second year of college, everything has resurfaced for me. There are days where I can't stand to look in the mirror because I am so disgusted by the female features of my body. There are days were I wish I could just remove all the breast tissue and be flat-chested like guys. At the same time though, I would never want to be a guy either. I don't really care for either the male or female genitalia. Other days though, I see absolutely nothing wrong with my body and love the way it is. There just seems to be more days where I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin and just wish I wasn't male or female. I know gender is a social construct and I have always despised the terms "feminine" and "masculine". I know that there are more than two genders, but I just don't know much about them, if I would fit into any of those categories, or how to embrace myself as another gender. I've only talked about this topic with two people and I'm just not sure how to describe myself to people who are confident in their own gender identity. Even if I don't fit in with the male or female classifications, how would I accept the body I do have as a third gender? I'm just very confused lately and I'm not sure if the gender issue stems from me being asexual and not being sexually attracted to either the male or female body. I appreciate any advice on this and sorry for the long post!

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One thing I worry about with the rise of gender awareness is that,  body disohoria is a very common thing for any human. The appropriate response is usually , to assure the person that their body is beautiful and their concerns aren't so true to worry about after all.

 

I'm not sure about the full extent of how to reply in what way, to give such reassurances. But my mother does, and often reassures me when I worry over my body, when I'm dissatisfied about it. Maybe your mother or aunt or a friends mother or a friend or a teacher, or etc, talk to them about your feelings and be willing to hear whatever encouragement they give you. 

 

So my concern is that right now reassurances that it's ok to be trans and positivity about being trans may be more popular, than general affirmation of individuality and body positivity. So people who have difficulty with feeling normal or beautiful, might sometimes only get positivity that helps that is strongly suggestive they are trans when that doesn't have to be the case.  

 

 

 

 

So, maybe you are trans and that's wonderful. Maybe you are not and that's wonderful. Whatever you feel about your body, know that it's a good body to have, and know that it's ok if you just need a reminder every once in a while, and of course it's ok if your body isn't good enough for you and you want change.  

 

I know that some women have top surgery even tho they are cis. 

 

Just, be willing to listen to yourself. Ask yourself when someone tells you "your body is a wonderful one don't worry", how does that make you feel? Why is that? Why did you feel negative in the first place?

And when someone says "it's ok to be trans don't worry" again ask yourself, how does it make me feel? Why is that? What gender group do I feel I belong with? Does it make a difference for me?

 

you don't have to feel like a girl to be one. You just have to be ok with it.  Maybe you are agender or genderless, maybe you are transmasxuline or a demiboy, maybe you are a ciswoman or a cisgenderless woman. Whichever gender you have or don't have is ok. And, however you feel about your body, whether related or unrelated to your gender identity, that's fine too. Whatever the reality of your identity is, you are a beautiful individual. 

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ChickenPadSeeEew
On 18/10/2017 at 2:59 PM, Spades&Hearts said:

I guess I've always had issues with my gender. I'm a female and pretty small at only 4'10". I also have distinctly feminine features. In the past I usually ignored these feelings, but after graduating high school (where I didn't really have any true friends so I wasn't so worried about other people) and being in my second year of college, everything has resurfaced for me. There are days where I can't stand to look in the mirror because I am so disgusted by the female features of my body. There are days were I wish I could just remove all the breast tissue and be flat-chested like guys. At the same time though, I would never want to be a guy either. I don't really care for either the male or female genitalia. Other days though, I see absolutely nothing wrong with my body and love the way it is. There just seems to be more days where I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin and just wish I wasn't male or female. I know gender is a social construct and I have always despised the terms "feminine" and "masculine". I know that there are more than two genders, but I just don't know much about them, if I would fit into any of those categories, or how to embrace myself as another gender. I've only talked about this topic with two people and I'm just not sure how to describe myself to people who are confident in their own gender identity. Even if I don't fit in with the male or female classifications, how would I accept the body I do have as a third gender? I'm just very confused lately and I'm not sure if the gender issue stems from me being asexual and not being sexually attracted to either the male or female body. I appreciate any advice on this and sorry for the long post!

This stuff can be hard to work out. Remember to be kind to yourself while you're walking this journey. It's rarely simple or fast!

 

That's great you've talked to some friends. I found talking to my partner and reading others' stories helped me immensely. I knew I'd worked quite a lot of it out when I uncovered stories that were so precisely my experience I could have written them myself! Have you had a chance to explore some agender or similar sites? While no one can determine your gender, some of what you describe does have that third gender, agender/genderless feel about it. But I don't know a lot about the various other genders either. Someone on here is sure to know more! There is bound to be a good quality list, somewhere. (I just googled and found an old list with some really outdated terms!) 

 

I know what you mean about not knowing how to relate to your body. My case is different to yours, since I have a long history of feeling distinctly like a woman or distinctly like a man. But, over time, I feel like the cumulative effect of being both is that I feel sort of agender. Or maybe, as I've become more watchful of my gender, I've learned I'm in the middle a lot, or rather genderless. Thankfully, the more I've embraced and celebrated my gender for whatever it is (I'm me, yay!), I've come to totally accept my body. I think, somewhere along the way, I stopped seeing my body parts as specific to any gender (I have some muscle here, a bit that dips there, a curve there, a straight line there...). Instead, they are just specific to me. I also stopped seeing lots of things as gendered (clothing, hair) and realised I just wear what I want, do what I want, and I am pretty happy being me. (People would probably assume I'm a cis woman, but I'm totally not)

 

There could be some interaction between asexuality and gender for some of us, but it can be hard to decipher, for sure. I've thought about it, too. But whatever the cause or contributing factors, it "is what it is", right? We can't always uncover the reasons, but maybe we can find ways to try to accept ourselves.

 

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Well neutrois is a neutral gender. Maybe genderfluid between female and nuetrois?

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