"Me too" sexual harassment posts

[The Drafting Ninja]

28 minutes ago, Kimmie. said:

Yes I agree with that. But apparently that hashtagg was created 10years ago just to bring more light on men's sexuall violence against women. 

 

I think personally that men should be able to post it. 

I think people are more aware now that women can be harassers too.  It's good that men are using the hashtag to increase the awareness even further.

[Moonchaser]

On 10/17/2017 at 6:21 PM, Nowhere Girl said:

But are only women harassed? And if the attacker doesn't know the gender identity of someone who is harassed and simply "reads" them as a woman, does it mean it can't be considered a case of sexual harassment of women? It's similar as with homophobia: if a man is insulted because the attacker thinks that he's gay, even though he isn't, does it mean that the attack was not motivated by homophobia?

No, not only women are harassed. But women are harassed a LOT.

[Moonchaser]

I took part, and I still have some mixed feelings about it. But it was started for a specific reason, to show the scope of the problem, and it does, sort of. There are people who've experienced problems who won't take part, so in that sense it's not really complete enough.

 

Still I have mixed feelings, because I'm sure when friends and family saw me post that they were concerned, curious, and none of them really know what the incident was that I was referring to, and I'm not about to tell the story online, although the people who would be more hurt by it are now dead. Still, it's personal, just not something I would ever share in detail online unless behind an alias.

 

So, it has a limited effectiveness, and frankly I think anyone who didn't care about sexual harassment/abuse before probably still doesn't. 

 

EDITED TO ADD: The main reason I took part was because not only had I experienced something, but I knew many women in the workplace who did, and in a way I was speaking for them as well. Back in the day before sexual harassment in the workplace was taken seriously, it was rampant, and I knew a lot of women who were targeted. Things got better once it was more recognized and men were educated a little as to what was allowed and what the consequences could be for them if they engaged in that behavior, but the problem still existed.

 

It is of course something that happens to men, but it's still an important women's issue, because statistically it is usually women this happens to.

[Skycaptain]

Viewed logically, as cisgender heterosexual is the commonest orientation, it's natural that most harassment will take place between a male and a female. The general perception is that males are more likely to be sexually aggressive than females, and (averaged out over the entire population) are likely to be bigger and stronger,  so it is not surprising that the majority of harassment is by males onto females, with female onto male harassment, and same gender harassment being less commonplace 

[everywhere and nowhere]

No, it isn't "natural", because nobody has a right to express their sexuality in a way which is aggressive to others.

And men should finally learn that NOT everything is allowed in "flirting" and that their sexual urges don't give them a right to try screwing everyone they meet.

[Ash_fi]

I wish I had FB-account, I would post. I'm quite clueless when I'm being targeted but it makes more sense now that I know I'm ace. I just can't read the signals most of the time.

 

There have been some occasions I've really had to fear and run away from a situation. What's worst is when you are seeking help everyone just seems embarrassed! First time (?) in my teens there was this drunken man on a bus station and he started to move his hand on my thigh (towards my inner thigh) slowly saying "girl your age shouldn't wear these kind of jeans...". I moved my seat close to an elderly lady and she just looked at me like I was the disgusting one - and slided herself further away. It really hurt and in a way I took the blame for myself - maybe my jeans were too tight, maybe I send some signals I don't realize... And the thought is still there after 20+ years.

 

I know when someone invades my space, I've used running and kicking and screaming - and when not able to move then biting a lip. But when it is verbal I might miss it. And there have been nasty incidents where other people have started badmouthing me, other women too, like I'd provoked something. No-one should ever feel like it's their fault.

 

Anyway, I think that we all have to be there to stop it. Like the old lady at the bus station, we tend to push away the discomfort and not take a stand for the victim because we don't want to get involved. But it's all around us, we can't just close our eyes and hope it doesn't happen to our loved ones.

[Laplace]

I think the main unfortunate thing is that we are conditioned to accept tragedy nowadays and although harassment (committed by ANYONE) is a crime I personally abhor to a considerable degree, I feel like the message will get lost in the inundation of awful news that washes over society every single day. In college, I’d get alerts like every other week about assault and harassment, and my reactions slowly changed from outrage to resignation as it just kept happening over and over. Some people are just scum, and you have to confront them as they appear cause, no matter how the world changes, it never ends.

 

As a guy, I’m pretty sheltered from harassment. The only time I’ve experienced anything remotely resembling sexual harassment is when some girls in freshman year in college invaded my personal space in a teasing sort of manner, likely cause I was marked as the serious, no-nonsense kid. It didn’t really bother me cause it takes a lot to shake my composure, but it still at least partly had the intention of embarrassing me or at least provoking a reaction.

 

I just want male scumbags to stop dragging our reputation through the mud and think with the head that actually contains their pea-sized brain. It just gives me a headache whenever I think about how some egotistical PoS thinks getting themselves off is worth going to jail, being publicly disgraced, and ruining someone’s life. If they can’t at least empathize with the victim, at least have the self-respect to not commit a crime that has like zero profit. Stealing $20 is a way better use of your time. 🤦🏻‍♂️

[LeChat]

9 hours ago, Ash_fi said:

...First time (?) in my teens there was this drunken man on a bus station and he started to move his hand on my thigh (towards my inner thigh) slowly saying "girl your age shouldn't wear these kind of jeans...". I moved my seat close to an elderly lady and she just looked at me like I was the disgusting one - and slided herself further away. It really hurt and in a way I took the blame for myself - maybe my jeans were too tight, maybe I send some signals I don't realize... And the thought is still there after 20+ years....

No, that wasn't your fault: you were just a teen, while the drunken man was an adult. He was the one who was older and should've known better than to harass a teenager. Being drunk doesn't give him a pass for that, just like drivers who drive drunk aren't given a pass.

[seajams]

It's been a good catalyst for people to look back and re-evaluate past behaviour, hopefully learn from their mistakes which is something we all can do. I mean, I'm as incapable of sexual harrassment as any type of sexual behaviour, but I think I've been guilty of a kind of platonic harrassment, if that's the right term. When I've had crushes on people that can manifest itself as me trying to be their friend in a pretty incessant and unedifying way. Hopefully they saw there was never any sexual element and didn't feel threatened, but I'm sure I've been a cause of annoyance at times.

[anzu2snow]

I have some mixed feelings with it. I joined in on facebook, as well. I was sexually abused at 9 years old in daycare (ran by a Catholic church...), and sexually harassed every so often since then. I was sexually assaulted during my first year in college. If I hadn't kicked him hard, I would have been raped. He later became a violent stalker. I had to drop contact with mutual friends and move to another dorm to get away from him. Never heard about him after that. Didn't report the assault, because I thought no one would believe me. 

 

I think it's great to get the word out that this is a serious issue, even if people just use the hashtag. However...I feel weird about how some people are saying it's just a women's issue. The original copy and paste thing didn't say it was, which is good. But, the news and some feminists are commenting that it is. It feels like they're trying to silence men and non-binary people. Even with me, I'm agender, not a woman. Although, I'm afab and may be read as one, I guess? It still doesn't change the fact that I'm not. Plus, men saying they've been harassed or assaulted should be brought up, too. I think they often have more of a stigma about it. Like, they might not feel masculine enough or something, and people might make fun of them. I think if more of them spoke up, people might realize it's an issue for them, too. It always seems one sided to me...Another side of this is some people don't want to out themselves as someone who has been sexually harassed/assaulted. It's a personal thing. But, they might feel guilty for not adding their voice. They shouldn't, but I can see why. 

[Sally]

On 10/19/2017 at 11:39 PM, Nowhere Girl said:

No, it isn't "natural", because nobody has a right to express their sexuality in a way which is aggressive to others.

And men should finally learn that NOT everything is allowed in "flirting" and that their sexual urges don't give them a right to try screwing everyone they meet.

NowhereGirl, what Skycaptain said was  "Viewed logically, as cisgender heterosexual is the commonest orientation, it's natural that most harassment will take place between a male and a female."   I don't think they meant that sexual harassment is "natural", just that it happens most often between men and women.  

[Stheg]

The copy and paste circulating around my friend group on Facebook talked about women. The hash tag was created for a specific purpose that is aimed at women. I shared it on my timeline without personal details.

 

All of that said, I have no issues with men who want to share their experiences or the hashtag.  Assault and harrasment are not unique to women and I think it's important for people to realize that it happens to men too.

 

Men and women have different experiences with sexual assault and harrasment that is influenced by what gender they are/what gender people interpret them as and what sexual orientation they are or what people perceive them as. The #metoo hashtag primarily discusses the female experience of being assualted or harassed by men, but I don't think that means it can't be used for assault or harassment that falls outside of that experience.

[Janus the Fox]

On 18/10/2017 at 2:21 AM, Nowhere Girl said:

But are only women harassed? And if the attacker doesn't know the gender identity of someone who is harassed and simply "reads" them as a woman, does it mean it can't be considered a case of sexual harassment of women? It's similar as with homophobia: if a man is insulted because the attacker thinks that he's gay, even though he isn't, does it mean that the attack was not motivated by homophobia?

I've seen the #MenToo tag that counters the #MeToo tag, often in the harassment, LGBT and and genital mutilation communities, possibly used in various other contexts.