I'm so lost and ashamed...

[Ashleydawn9]

Hello my name is Ashley and I'm confused and lost.

My fondest memories when I was a little girl was trying to shave like my dad and ripping the heads off of Barbie dolls and replacing the heads with male and female dolls on each others bodies oh and I remember everything that happened during my parents divorce at age 9.

 

Age 13 I started cutting my hair short and wearing boy clothes and just staying to myself my mom was never happy about it.

So throughout my teen years I was confident but the weight of my mom and best friend disapproval and disappointment kept eating at me... so I kept questioning if this is who I really am... so I started growing my hair out and dressing girly. I am 20 now and I always kept thinking about it almost everyday of how I felt incomplete and not who I truly am and never able to figure out what is wrong with me. Recently they put a girl next to me at work who dresses like a guy it just keeps triggering me... I'm soon gonna cut my hair again. Yet I feel so confused and lost and ashamed 

[Brennarr]

Well to me it sounds like you might be a trans man. I don't know much about that, but maybe you should look into it.

[borkfork]

Welcome! Being cis I don't think I can offer much insight about gender, just that I was called tomboy and am still not interested in fitting into someone else's box as a grown woman. 

 

Don't be ashamed. It sounds like you've already done more than your fair share of pretending to be someone else for the benefit of others.

 

There are a lot of good, supportive people in the gender forum who can help you.

[celestialwhims]

You should definitely look into information about transgender and gender fluidity/non-conformity. Of course, I am a cis-female, and I had more of a 'I'm going to wear sweatshirts and boy jeans because I'm too lazy to dress up' when I was a teenager, so my opinion isn't as relevant as one of a transperson who has been through a situation similar to yours. However, we are all here to support one another, and I do hope you find what you're looking for and accept whoever that may be with confidence and love. Don't let the disapproval or rejection from others keep you from being who you're truly meant to be. 

 

But, remember. Don't ever be ashamed of who you are. You're here as you are, and you are made perfectly. You are not a mistake. You're going to be okay, no matter what comes to pass. Good luck! xx

[LeChat]

Hello!  We have a Gender Discussion Forum , where you can read other gender nonconforming, non-binary, and trans' peoples' posts or ask them for help. 

 

 

[Scottthespy]

I'm sorry if this is inappropriate but...this doesn't sound like trans or non binary anything to me...it just sounds like you liked to mix and match modular pieces of things like dolls  (a lot of kids do) and you don't like frilly pink lacy dress type clothes, and wearing clothes you don't like while other girls get to wear the clothes you DO like is getting to you. Maybe this is effecting you more than I took away from your post but...I dunno, what's wrong with wearing whatever clothes? Dress however you're comfortable, since its clearly acceptable where you are right now. Where does guilt even come into this? No one should have to dress or act in a way that makes them uncomfortable, so long as the way they're comfortable with isn't hurting others.

[TheAP]

Moved from Questions about Asexuality to Gender Discussion.

 

TheAP

Questions about Asexuality co-mod