I know I'm asexual but I don't feel like I belong anywhere.....

[Spades&Hearts]

Hi I'm new on here, but I really think lately I have been in need of advice from other asexual people. I have friends who are very understanding, however, I do not actually know anyone who is asexual and, despite my friends' help, they don't really understand the way that I feel. I'm not sure if it's weird or not, but I really want to feel some kind of romantic attraction. I crave physical closeness to people and love cuddling with close friends, but I never want the physical closeness to turn into anything sexual. I guess I want someone who would be willing to just cuddle with me and never go any further. That makes it hard with my friends because, while I know they don't mind and they understand that I am asexual, I know they also want to find their own relationships and have sexual interactions with whoever they fall in love with. I feel like maybe I am looking for a close platonic best friend who feels the same way I do, but sometimes I feel like I'd also like a romantic partner. I've thought that I might be demiromantic, considering I have a very difficult time trusting people and I have never had a romantic relationship with someone I completely trust. I'm just very confused about my feelings lately and haven't felt like I truly belong anywhere. I feel like neither my straight friends nor my LGBTQ+ friends really understand my feelings, or lack of feelings, that I seem to be going through. Sometimes I really want to feel things so I could be like everyone else and not be so lonely all the time. Does anyone else understand what I'm feeling? I just need one person to truly understand me because right now I just feel isolated and confused about who I am. Thanks

[Welsh Ace]

Yes, I think I sort of understand.  I want someone foc companionship but I am not interested in sex (obviously) and I don't feel romantically attracted to people.  Apart from this one person who turned out wasn't interested in me in that way. But it kind of difficult to explain this to people who don't understand fully.  Despite wanting a companion I never had any romantic relationships and I am not sure I would know where to start. I know I am asexual, but sometimes I feel like I am not part of the community that I don't belong, but I know I am not straight as I never fancied women in a sexual manner, and I know I am not gay as I never fancied men at all. But it is hard to explain to people exactly how I feel like that, that it is a need for companionship, for an end to loneliness? But the struggle of what kind of compnaionship that is? Just a close, good friend, or a romantic partner that is accepting that it won't be a sexual relationship.  Sometimes I even feel like I actually do not want either and I am perfectly happy by myself. It is deeply confusing feeling and contradictory and I understand that it difficult to know who to turn to or ask for advie because straight friends and LGBTQ+ friends, while well meaning,, it can be difficult to explain to them the complex feelings invovled. 

[Kururin]

Salutations! Welcome to AVEN! I am Nemu

 

Demiromantic means to feel secondary sexual attraction after a close bond has been formed. This doesn't have to be sexual (or romantic) in nature. It can also just be a bond of friendship.  But when it comes down to it, being asexual means to have no (or lack of) sexual attraction. 

 

It looks like you desire a romantic relationship without sex but you enjoy sensual activity (like hugging. I do too!)  But when it comes down to it, only you must find out what orientation you are and you must think about it. I understand because I want a relationship where I can hug and kiss and just do sensual stuff with them. But others don't understand and I feel sorry for them since asexuality isn't explained to many people as well as other sexualities

 

Again. welcome to AVEN and I hope you find what you're looking for

 

[celestialwhims]

Oh, honey. I totally understand where you're coming from. I used to be there myself, and to be completely honest with you, I am still there today. It's difficult when you're acespec in any way to feel a sense of belonging with sexual people. And when you're not aromantic, it becomes even more strange because you feel like that one piece is missing that makes you whole. You feel like you won't ever find somebody who will truly relate with what you're going through. It's hard, it really is, but it will get better soon. Someday you're going to meet that platonic soulmate, that best friend you're looking for. I've found mine, and it's so emotionally satisfying. He's my absolute best friend, and I don't know where I'd be without him in my life. We just get each other people. And we're comfortable with being intimate without it being romantic (he's gay and I'm ace, so it works out well, haha!) Trust me, you will find your place someday, and you're going to meet incredible people. I still haven't met any asexual people who understand me, but it's okay because I just know it's not time. The right people will come into our lives when they're supposed to, so don't feel like all is lost. You seem young (mostly because you sound like how I did in high school), so you have your whole life to explore and find the people that you can open up to. And there is also nothing wrong with craving intimacy! There are some days where I loathe all human contact, and there are some days where I'm practically begging my friends to hug me because I want to feel close to them. Friends are certainly wonderful people, but they can't satisfy all of a person's needs sometimes. Even when you don't want sex, there is still that ache for intimacy that all people feel. If you find that you have romantic feelings involved there as well, that's great! Just because you're acespec or have never been inclined to date, don't turn away from romance. If it's supposed to happen, let it. Platonic or romantic love, it's about having somebody who understands you as a person that's important. I'm serious; when I first read this, I thought I was looking into a mirror. I remember feeling exactly like this, and I still feel like this. I'm a freshman in college, by the way. Some days are better than others, but there is somebody, or multiple people, out there for you, and I hope you meet them soon. Good luck, and know that you're always welcome here!

 

P.S. Please don't say that you wish you could be like everybody else. You were made perfectly, just as you are, feelings and all. You don't need to change anything about yourself, you're not missing out on anything. I understand, and I'm sure countless others do as well. I wish I could just hug you through the screen because nobody deserves to feel lonely like this. Really, I do mean it when I say it'll get better. You're going to be just fine. xx