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Does anybody have trouble relating to friends?


Grimez

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I was talking to one of my friends the other day about films we recently watched. My friend told me about a film he and his brother watched called "Silence". Liam Neeson and Adam Driver are in it and it seems like a film I would like to see. It has something to do with Jesuit priests in 17th century Japan.

 

I told my friend about the film I watched called "The Babysitter". It's bloody and funny all at once. I enjoyed it. Samara Weaving stars in and she is rather attractive. 

 

What I'm getting at here is when my friend looked up a picture of Samara Weaving, and I pointed her out as the babysitter, he responded with "Yes she is" in a "I'd like to fuck her" voice.

 

He doesn't know about me and what I am yet. I had trouble relating to him because I see her as someone who's nice to look at, but nothing more than that. 

 

What are your thoughts?

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Hello! Yes, I, and other asexuals here can relate to feeling different from our sexual friends. However, I've heard other sexual people say that sometimes, they too, can't relate to their sexual friends (e.g. when their friends marry and have children, and no longer have time to participate in the same hobbies with their friends as they used to when they were single; when their friend moves to a different city or state and doesn't interact as much, etc..)

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I've always found there are a group of people I relate to and don't relate to in any situation.  It's all about finding the right group of people.  For instance, it used to drive me crazy when I'd be watching sports and other people in my dorm would also be watching but they'd spend the entire game talking about the athlete's bodies.  They didn't even understand how the game was played!  They just watched to objectify the athletes!  So then I started watching in the rec center where everyone watched for the game.  When I told some of them why I was going so far to watch games, they seemed similarly weirded out by the conversations of the people in my dorm.  So I think it depends on factors other than sexual orientation of a group.

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Haha, yes I do!

 

While most of my friends often say that the randoms they see in places look hot or whatever, I would look at them and be like 'They look okay' but that's it. Then again, this is due to my preference as I don't really like muscle or butch and that.. and this for both (or all if you guys think there is more then 2) genders. Even so, I find sorta hard to relate to my friends because most of them are very sexual. But one of them understands so I'm alright with that. 

 

And maybe because I just find 'lel I would do that with them' sayings really stupid. It's just simply a fling and no heart. 

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My only close friend is a lesbian who knows I'm ace, and she often time is like "is your asexuality contagious" "i wish I wasn't bothered by sexual feelings like you" which seems rough, but she's really supportive. The phrase "i can't comprehend that" whenever I mention my lack of sexual interest is very common from her

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Spades&Hearts

I totally understand this! I love my friends to death and we can talk about pretty much everything, but when it comes to talking about sexual preferences I feel like there's just this division between us. They really do try to understand, but sometimes it just doesn't help me. My one friend and I even have the exact opposite problem it seems. He feels so much emotion for other people and really craves relationships while I feel practically nothing for people in relationships or sexually. I'm really looking for a platonic soulmate just to cuddle and hug me. My friends get this and we do cuddle, but I know they want more while I'm just looking for that close friend. I definitely struggle understanding my friends though and their relationship/sexual desires. I know they don't understand completely how I can be so turned off by sex and relationships. So I get what you mean.... there is definitely a disconnect I feel between my friends and I sometimes. It's just hard to explain to people who aren't asexual and in some ways I actually get jealous when my sexual friends talk about wanting to be with other people. I wish I could desire people like that sometimes, but I'm asexual and that's not actually what I really want. It can be hard at times to talk with sexual friends, but I've just joined AVEN to find more people like myself who are asexual and can completely understand. I hope this helps!!!

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I had a lot of trouble relating to males after around intermediate school age.  I started gravitating more toward the opposite sex for company starting from that point, and things got a lot better.

 

That's not to say females can *never* act that same way too, but it sure feels a lot less prevalent.  If it is prevalent, it seems like they're only likely to act that way when they're around their other female friends, not me.

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Around my gamer friends occasionally the conversation devolves into sexual territories, which just cause me to more or less shut down and stop participating because I can't relate at all.

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In school, I never related well to my friends and peers when it came to talking about dating and having GFs and stuff. I was openly acknowledged as having the sex drive of a sponge, and my friends and I once joked that I’d reproduce by splitting in half or cloning myself. I was also sort of notorious for being cynical about romance. Thankfully, my friends didn’t make a big deal out of it, but I never quite understood the appeal of stuff like going on dates or taking a girl to the dances. 

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14 minutes ago, Laplace said:

In school, I never related well to my friends and peers when it came to talking about dating and having GFs and stuff. I was openly acknowledged as having the sex drive of a sponge, and my friends and I once joked that I’d reproduce by splitting in half or cloning myself. I was also sort of notorious for being cynical about romance. Thankfully, my friends didn’t make a big deal out of it, but I never quite understood the appeal of stuff like going on dates or taking a girl to the dances. 

Are you my twin?

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I felt there was something wrong with me because I didn't have crushes or think anyone was cute or have celebrity crushes either. Everyone had a boyfriend in like 8th grade and I wasn't feeling like I needed or wanted one. I had one in 9th grade but we only ever held hands. Then when I was 18 I had my first kiss and he was not a good kisser. It was gross. Then in college I started to have my first couple serious boyfriends but I didn't have sex until I was 21 more from curiosity than desire....I didn't like it.

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Off topic but... @Grimez: Some of my friends would love your pfp... They love Undertale and Sans.

 

Always. I mean, I have (peculiarly, since I'm not) some religious friends who don't really talk about that sort of thing but just walking down the hall of my school... I know I don't really relate to some of the other people. My friends who aren't religious act very sexual and talk about it much, much, much more. It kinda makes me uncomfortable... I don't want to know the details that they are so comfortable sharing. I don't understand what makes them think people are hot... It's a bit awkward, to be honest.

 

...This is probably why everyone thinks I'm ultra innocent... - _ -

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@Starfiery

 

I get what you mean when you feel uncomfortable. One of my other friends is big on sex. He keeps telling me to get out and smash it, go on Tinder if you want some fun, etc. (He doesn't know I'm asexual)

 

I just shake my head and laugh. I just don't get why the act itself is such a big deal to some people.

 

P.S, Awww thanks.:D I love Undertale. Sans is my favorite character. Undyne and Papyrus both come in a close second.:lol:

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I have trouble relating to females mostly. Currently two of my dorm mates are in hunting mode for quick flings and tell me their adventures when I listen to them my mind always drifts off to the amt of Starcraft I could be playing or finishing up my rereading of ASOIAF.

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On 10/18/2017 at 5:41 PM, Grimez said:

@Starfiery

 

I get what you mean when you feel uncomfortable. One of my other friends is big on sex. He keeps telling me to get out and smash it, go on Tinder if you want some fun, etc. (He doesn't know I'm asexual)

In college, I’d get asked by some dorm mates if I wanted to go to a strip club or join in on this odd student tradition of basically running in your underwear the night before exams (I guess it could be considered cathartic to do something like that to some, but even I know it’s a big excuse for everyone to check each other out), like it was something I was already expected to want to do. It was kinda funny when my response both times was basically, “IDK, it’s pretty late (probably around 10:00 PM which was late to me at the time) and I like to sleep so I’m just gonna go to bed so I’m ready for tomorrow. 😀😴” They must’ve thought I was nuts.

Bed > Boobs.

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Yes. I'm a teenage girl who realized her aroness as a tween. I think many girls my age don't realize just how much they're talking about their crushes/evaluating the cuteness of particular boys/whatever, and I've always just kept my mouth shut (except for one instance where we were playing Truth or Dare and they started asking me questions about who I was crushing on [nobody], who the five cutest boys I knew were [what], etc.). And then there's my asexuality, but I feel like it's not just aces who don't really need to hear other people talking about having sex (and at my age!). I tend to stay away from people who tend to talk about either of these frequently, simply because it makes me uncomfortable and I tend not to actually mention my discomfort. 

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I've had trouble relating to my friends too when it comes to talking about romantic relationships or sexual stuff. When I sometimes voice my opinion on relationships by saying how they aren't something I'm actively seeking for and that friends are much more important, they often reply with the infamous "you'll like it when you find someone". I've been in a relationship before and it wasn't that great - almost the whole time I was thinking about how much better it'd be to just stay friends instead.

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@froggily

It's funny you say that your friends would ask you who you're crushing on. When my classmates asked me the same question, I would have trouble responding.

Some of them thought I was gay. I didn't know what I was either. I just brushed it off because what do they know!?

 

@Lemonsky

I can't tell you how many times I've heard the phrase, "You'll like it when you find somebody." 

I feel as though if I were to get into a relationship I would get really bored really quickly. I prefer to spend time by myself or among my friends.

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@Grimez Responding "nobody, I've never crushed" doesn't help. They just think you're hiding something and beg you to "just tell us." *sighhh*

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