cryptflux Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 I've recently discovered that I am on the aromantic spectrum--I'm guessing lithromantic, since I seem to get crushes unless I'm wrong, but then whenever the possibility of an actual relationship arises, I panic. But a couple days ago, a person I've known for about a week told me she liked me. I knew this, and I thought she expected me to like her back and start a relationship, so I said I liked her back. I said so because I've always been a people-pleaser, to the point of damaging myself. Plus, she had something awful happen to her (I won't say what for her sake); her mind has not been in the right place because of that. She also has borderline personality disorder, so I was afraid that she would do something to hurt herself if I said I didn't like her back. To my dismay, she replied that she was surprised I liked her back. That was when I began relentlessly facepalming myself. This was the beginning of my web of lies--and I am the fly trapped in it. We talked (and more) over Skype, and at the end of the call, she asked me if she could be my girlfriend. I said yes, and, to be cute, I asked her if I could be her boyfriend back. She's asked me multiple times if I really like her, to which, of course, I replied yes. And I do like her. Just not romantically. And she thinks I do. We tell each other frequently we love each other (which, I do love her, and I want her to be safe and happy). And we have had...relations over Skype. But I don't think I'm comfortable with being her boyfriend. But if I tell her I lied, I fear and honestly believe she'll do something to harm herself, or even kill herself. I feel like I would be putting her in danger if I told the truth. Plus, we've only been partners for two days. I feel like it's too soon to break it off, but I know that's a strange way of thinking. But, if I were to tell the truth, how should I do it? When should I do it? What is the most graceful way of doing so? I want to ensure no harm comes to her. Link to post Share on other sites
yeehaw123 Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Just tell her that you're lithromantic??? say you don't mean to harm her and you still want to be her close friend? Link to post Share on other sites
OldSoul Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 You've known this human for a week? You really, REALLY, need to slow down. I don't usually say things with such certainty, but for anyone in any case it is too soon to be telling someone you love them. This is all setting her up for SO MUCH more pain. Don't lead her on any more, and be ready to explain that you lied. I would definitely tell her much of what you told us, and stress the lithromantic bit, and that it's going too fast and whatson. Link to post Share on other sites
cryptflux Posted October 17, 2017 Author Share Posted October 17, 2017 1 minute ago, OldSoul said: You've known this human for a week? You really, REALLY, need to slow down. I don't usually say things with such certainty, but for anyone in any case it is too soon to be telling someone you love them. This is all setting her up for SO MUCH more pain. Don't lead her on any more, and be ready to explain that you lied. I would definitely tell her much of what you told us, and stress the lithromantic bit, and that it's going too fast and whatson. I know it's much too soon. She is hypersexual, too, and borderlines tend to move extremely fast in relationships. Thank you for your advice. Link to post Share on other sites
kirakana Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Oh, you are quite in a pickle there, but I do understand how you got there. Telling people "no" is harder than it should be, especially if the other person is fragile like the girl you've described, so you have to thread carefully. How does she usually react upon being refused something? Did she mention wanting to hurt herself should you two break up? And most importantly - how does she feel about your relationship? What does it mean to her? In any case, you should tell her how you feel, before things can escalate even further. Stressing out the lithoromantic part is good, while also emphasising you care about her as a person/friend. Explain your reasoning and that didn't want to hurt her, because you care. For the most part, be prepared to listen and react accordingly. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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