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hey it's me, being confused af(like usual).


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Heyy soo,

Recently I've had some complicated experiences... :mellow:

I am a regular marijuana smoker, and I have noticed that the strain of weed I smoke tends to get me aroused. So one night I was talking to this guy that I had a crush on and one thing leads to another, and he came over to my house. Usually, I would never invite someone over to my house, but it happened. We talked outside for about an hour, stargazed and cuddled up. It was quite cold, so he started walking to my front door. We went inside, and the horizontal monster mash was done. It was terrible, not that it didn't stimulate me, but I would have instead knitted myself a cute wool sweater. 

A couple of weeks later, as I still cringe from experience, I met a guy on the beach. I was very hesitant, but he seemed kind so the following day we went on a date. We got that food, talked for hours and watched the sunset. Everything was going well until he forced himself on me(Just kissing... but I have PTSD from an abuse incident that occurred when I was a child, so I kind of turn my brain off and obey when situations like this happen, instead of not complying and maybe getting physically or verbally abused. It's f**ked up, I know. I go to therapy for help). Anyways I liked him, so kissing was okay? I mean usually, I'm okay with kissing, but he was forcing it, so it was a lot less romantic and more creepy than I had hoped for. Again since I have PTSD, I obey when someone asks me to do something that I'd prefer not to be doing(which still is super mad, I know. I'm getting help). We had sex, felt great, but my mind was like "can you speed it up already, I want to be doing anything else right now. Can we get this over with, this is gross. Why do people even enjoy these parts touching? I can legit do this myself." 

So yeah, my past two experiences with sex, have been not the best at all.

 

But even when I was with my boyfriend whom I loved with all my heart, I would fantasize about him, but as soon he was infront of me ready to do something sexual, I'd be like Nah, fam I'm not interested in acting on this. The thought of it is nice though.

 

I guess what I'm asking, does this sound like I am asexual?

I have been through this a thousand times but due to my antidepressants, they kinda blur how I feel as a human being sometimes, so I keep on questioning myself.

 

 

 

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It sounds like you're asexual, but can experience romantic attraction. You can enjoy kissing/cuddling and such and still be considered asexual, even if you get aroused. Your thoughts seem to be pointing towards you being asexual as well, since you weren't really enjoying the moment and may feel pleasure during sex physically but not mentally. I would overall say it sounds like you're asexual and experience romantic attraction (at least) towards males.  

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Sounds like you could be Grey Lithsexual, which is acespec. Basically Lithsexual is where you experience sexual attraction until it is reciprocated, and grey means that certain circumstances have to occur for it to happen, hence the sex thing.

As for the guy in the beach, he doesn't really have an excuse for kissing you without permission like that, and I'm very glad to hear he didn't press further. It definitely sounds creepy, so I'd say no second date unless you are ready to bring that up with him.

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6 minutes ago, Lichley said:

Sounds like you could be Grey Lithsexual, which is acespec. Basically Lithsexual is where you experience sexual attraction until it is reciprocated, and grey means that certain circumstances have to occur for it to happen, hence the sex thing.

As for the guy in the beach, he doesn't really have an excuse for kissing you without permission like that, and I'm very glad to hear he didn't press further. It definitely sounds creepy, so I'd say no second date unless you are ready to bring that up with him.

Oh there was no second date. he ended up robbing me of $200...

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Just now, Saint Nicole, said:

Oh there was no second date. he ended up robbing me of $200...

He kissed you without permission and then ran off with $200 ?!  What a            *ahem* I mean, what a cruel and terrible person, I'm glad it didn't get worse from there.

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That very response is already chemically instilled in every woman's brain, your experiences as a child sound like they have honed that power of submission to avoid pain, whether woman acknowledge it or not we are all designed to let men down easily or to just do as they say to avoid reprimand, because that's what kept us alive and thus best served our evolutionary interests, the recent advances in woman's rights haven't been around long enough to reformat the chemistry in our brain telling us to be this way, to me it sounds like ur unfortunate events as a child honed this to mean that u should always behave like that, props to you for seeing someone to work through that though... Just remember that at any point in time during the 'horizontal monster mash' (love that btw hahaha) you can say stop, I get that too, where foreplay etc is fun then when the things just going in and out of thing I'm just like, hurry the fuck up u worthless wad of man meat, lol and now I just make it about me, sex is always about the man, his dick getting sucked, its over when he comes etc. So I have fun then when I stop having fun I just stop, and he then has two options, rape me, or fuck off. I think I like the thought of getting beaten up more than doing something I find degrading, but tbh they usually just leave with their poor blue balls between their legs lmao. I don't see anything wrong with it. Guys are more than happy to use me for their pleasure and always leave me unsatisfied. I also fantasize about different ways to degrade men, it so much harder, you cant just cat call a dude in the street and tell him u wanna ride him coz he won't feel degraded, hell probs get a hard on lmao. I feel like walking degradation in this body and its fun making men feel used by doing nothing more than what they do to us. Sorry I'm fully off topic, I just started typing and my inner rant came out. Xo gal, u got this, ur more than how these men see you, I hope you work through your stuff and earn yourself the courage to be assertive and autonomous through to the furtherest reaches of ur mind, body and life x

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Sounds more like a case of PTSD to me tbh. It's good that you're getting help to figure things out.

 

There's still a chance that you feel the same about sex after therapy, but at this point it seems that your past plays a huge role in what your experiences are.

 

 

9 hours ago, Lichley said:

Sounds like you could be Grey Lithsexual, which is acespec.

There is no such thing as "acespec".

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4 hours ago, Homer said:

Sounds more like a case of PTSD to me tbh. It's good that you're gettinng help to figure things out.

 

There's still a chance that you feel the same about sex after therapy, but at this point it seems that your past plays a huge role in what your experiences are.

 

 

There is no such thing as "acespec".

It means someone on the asexual spectrum e.g. Lithsexual, Greysexual, Demisexual.

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1 hour ago, Lichley said:

asexual spectrum

That's what doesn't exist in the first place. Either you do experience sexual atttraction/desire at some point, no matter the circumstances or the frequency, which means that you're on the sexual spectrum. Or you don't, ever, at all, which means that you're asexual. Asexuality is one extreme end of the sexuality spectrum.

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Yeah, but the term asexuality spectrum or acespec is used when referring to the spectrum sexualities that fall between asexual and sexual.

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6 hours ago, Lichley said:

Yeah, but the term asexuality spectrum or acespec is used when referring to the spectrum sexualities that fall between asexual and sexual.

There is nothing between asexual and sexual.

 

Imagine you have a light switch. It's either on or off.

Even if you have a dim switch and turn it to like 5% light, it's still not off.

Asexuality is when the switch is off.

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Also telling someone they can't define themselves in the way which they feel most comfortable with is just purely detrimental...everyone on this site should understand that, I'm sure we can all grasp what it is you're saying, but this site is full of people who don't fit here or there or anywhere, and we're all just trying our best to come to some kind of mental agreement within ourselves to help us move forward I guess 

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1 hour ago, Stray_Cat said:

An Asexual person is someone who doesn't experience sexual atraction. Of course there is the ace spectrum that includes Graysexuals (those who rarely ever experience sexual atraction) and the Demisexuals (those who experience sexual atraction when a strong bond is formed between someone) but from what you wrote you could defenetly be ace.

There are a lot of different people who experience varying levels of attraction. To label them as on or off would be to label someone as straight or gay when they're bi-pan. It would be to call a non-binary person male or female. The human sexuality was not meant to be just on or off, but rather a more complex system, that works differently for everyone.

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4 minutes ago, Lichley said:

There are a lot of different people who experience varying levels of attraction. To label them as on or off would be to label someone as straight or gay when they're bi-pan. It would be to call a non-binary person male or female. The human sexuality was not meant to be just on or off, but rather a more complex system, that works differently for everyone.

Nobody says that sexuality as a whole is just on or off. People do indeed experience varying levels of attraction. That's why sexuality is a spectrum.

 

Asexuality is when it's always off. Simple as that.

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3 hours ago, Homer said:

Nobody says that sexuality as a whole is just on or off. People do indeed experience varying levels of attraction. That's why sexuality is a spectrum.

 

Asexuality is when it's always off. Simple as that.

Ohhkayy.... But when someone resonates more strongly with asexuals and wishes to define themselves as aspec you can't just say aspec isn't a thing because that's how that person feels best to describe themselves and help people around them to understand. Maybe you could try viewing aspec as being on the spectrum of sexuality but much closer to and resonating more with those with the switch flicked fully off. I hear what you're saying, and I can literally agree with you but I can't 'morally' agree, I guess, because were all struggling to figure wtf is going on and if someone finds a category and a definition for themselves where they can finally talk with others who feel the same and can finally explain to not only their friends and family but most importantly to themselves, when someone has braved that, I would never take the title of how theyve found best to describe themselves and correct them and say start again, u got it wrong sorry. If they have, they will slowly work through and process that for themselves 

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People are free to 'define themselves' as whatever they want, even if it's factually incorrect. I bet a lot of people on here are doing just that even without taking "acespec" into consideration.

 

Feelings never outweigh facts.

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I'm so sorry that happened to you @Saint Nicole, *offers hugs* What this guy did was totally unacceptable - it doesn't matter that it was 'just' kissing, or that you liked him - no one should ever force themselves on you. 

 

It's good that you're going to therapy, and maybe you could bring up these incidents with your therapist if you haven't already, because maybe working through these things might help you get a clearer picture of things.

 

As for your question, it's entirely up to you whether you think the ace label fits you. It's totally possible for an ace to like the idea of sex, but not the actual act itself - it's presented by most people as a really great thing, so that's not surprising. 

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15 hours ago, Lichley said:

There are a lot of different people who experience varying levels of attraction. To label them as on or off would be to label someone as straight or gay when they're bi-pan. It would be to call a non-binary person male or female. The human sexuality was not meant to be just on or off, but rather a more complex system, that works differently for everyone.

Ah, I'm sorry for not clarifying that. Thank you!

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