Kiaibo Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 Hi guys! Just a little background story... I have this super sassy gay friend who's twice my age and is one of those rare life mentors you sometimes meet, and he doesn't really agree with my asexuality. That's not an issue, in fact I find it funny. But yesterday he brought up an argument that's been bugging me subconsciously for a while now. He asked me: what in your mind are the pros to a relationship? And to be honest, I cannot find one. This sounds horrid, I know, but it's the truth. It's arduous, time-consuming, you can get hurt, your trust can be broken, and emotions can be spilled to friends meaning you don't need someone special at all. I'm aromantic and sex-averse, too, so cuddling or whatever is redundant for me. I know it's vague, and I.... I don't know, what do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 1 minute ago, Kiaibo said: he doesn't really agree with my asexuality. How does one disagree with someone else's orientation... "I'm gay!" - "No, you're not." WTF You're talking about romantic relationships, am I reading this correctly? If so, I can't find one either. The only difference between a close friendship and a romantic relationship I managed to figure out so far is limerence. Which I find horrendously annoying and it's supposed to fade away after a certain amount of time anyway, so... All the downsides you mention may occur in friendships as well, so there's that. I could list some advantages of close friendships, if this is any help? Link to post Share on other sites
Lucas Monteiro Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 19 hours ago, Homer said: How does one disagree with someone else's orientation... "I'm gay!" - "No, you're not." WTF It's quite simply, in fact still a lot of people disagree with any orientation besides heterosexual. People just are no comfortable with the unexpected and different, and because of that, with their narrowed minds they try to disagree and put down those who bring something that they are not accommodated. Society in majority, is just a bunch of hopeless and lost people that just do what others do, and those who do what others follow, do what others do. It's just an endless cicle of ignorant people. And sometimes in this society, there is a minority that just confront those who just follow without thinking, and they rise from this ignorance. It's just History, if you look it up, it's been the same for centuries. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Pros: Someone who is committed to the relationship more so than a friend would be Someone who you can achieve a certain level of intimacy with that isn't quite the same as friendship intimacy and fulfills a different need if romantic Cons: Potential for cheating That's the only pro/con list I can think of if we're doing things that are exclusive to romantic relationships for me. Cause, betrayal of trust, heart broken, losing them, etc is all a risk with friends. And a lot of closeness / hobby stuff / sharing a space etc can be done with friends. But, I can make a huge list of pros and a small list of cons if we're going with things that are shared with friends and romantic partners... Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 37 minutes ago, Serran said: Pros: Someone who is committed to the relationship more so than a friend would be Someone who you can achieve a certain level of intimacy with that isn't quite the same as friendship intimacy and fulfills a different need if romantic See? That's where I'm lost... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 1 hour ago, Homer said: See? That's where I'm lost... How it manifests is different depending on people. But... For me, for example, I'm not a very touchy feely person. I am OK with hugs from very specific people. But, I'm never going to hug / cuddle / share a bed with / snuggle up to watch a movie etc with a friend. But, when I have romantic feelings for a person, I very much want to do all that. And it gives a certain emotional fulfillment that friends just can't give me. And, I don't know many friends that'd be like "YEAH LETS MOVE IN TOGETHER AND ADOPT DOGS TOGETHER AND LIVE FOREVER AND EVER AND I'LL NEVER MOVE OUT"... but can have that with a romantic partner. Build a life together. They aren't going to meet someone, get married and move away like a friend might. So, a different type of commitment. Link to post Share on other sites
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