Thoughts on being sex repulsed

[adinacarli]

Hi everyone!

 

I'd just like to discus this, and hear what you think. So, I've read a few threads and realised I would probably define myself as sex repulsed graysexual. I have never really understood the thing about sex, why everybody seemes to be so hyped about it. I've never watched porn but is pretty sure I would not like it. Whenever I surf the web and spam ads with lightly dressed/naked persons pop up I'm like GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY. I don't like sex scenes in movies (obviously) I feel naseus whenever I walk into a pharmacy and walk by the "intimacy" section. Feel alienated when shopping for underwear (hello? I wear them under my clothes, so why do the have to look so sexy all the time? What if I just want something that is, I don't know, comfortable?) Don't get sex jokes, don't like games like truth or dare, just think sex generally seems way overrated.

 

I would like to be in a relationship, but the thought of having sex makes me stressed out and uncomfortable. I like the idea of sex in theory, to be close to each other, to share something, but get slight panic when I think of what it means practically, and it often stirs up bad memories, which make me cry. How could I tell a possible future partner like "Hey, I really like you and all that, but genitals freak me out" How do you tell someone you don't always feel sexually attracted by them without hurting them/making them think you don't love them? Because I don't know which attitude I should have towards it, it's hard to think of how I could explain to anyone how I feel. Do you think sex repulse is something you should work on to get away or something you should embrace? Do you think it is just a naturall part of my graysexuality, or that it could have something to do with my past destructive relationship?

 

I like the idea of kissing, hugging, cuddling, I just have I hard time to feel aroused by the things involving nakedness. I read someone thought it was bad to be sex repulsed because you have to accept that people are sexual and don't make them feel ashamed of themselves. Not quite sure what that person meant, but really my repulsion doesn't have anything to do with others. My generall mind set about others sex is like my interests in others bathroom habits. Totally OK for you to go to the bathroom, but I really don't want to know what you do in there!

 

Anyway, would just be interesting if you had some thoughts/experiences to share, some advice or anything:)

[Amathy]

My view was that I had to conquer my sexual repulsion enough to function in daily life in society.  But beyond that I don't think its a problem or something I need to deal with.  As far as satisfying my need to cuddle, I just got a dog. My dog provides everything I would want out a human partner (except intellectual conversations) and I don't have to deal with any of the negative aspects of having a human partner.

[Stheg]

When explaining it to someone else, I would emphasize that sexual attraction isn't particularly important to you because you don't experience it and then explain all the other ways you find that person attractive. That seemed to work really well for me. 

 

You mention that the idea of sex brings up bad memories. I don't know what those are and you don't have to say what they are, but that makes me think your views on sex likely have something to do with those memories, which is definitely something that can be improved or worked on. I wouldn't classify myself as sex-repulsed, but genitals and bodily fluids do weird me out and even the idea of being naked with someone used to seriously weird me out along with several other things. I'm now to the point where I can have sex with my husband without it giving me serious anxiety. I don't love it, but I also don't hate it. I wouldn't classify myself as sex repulsed or sex favorable. I'm somewhere in the middle. I still wouldn't have sex with anyone except my husband (and he's the only person I've ever had sex with). There's a book called the sexual healing journey that I found particularly helpful and continue to find helpful.

 

 

[SithAzathoth WinterDragon]

20 minutes ago, adinacarli said:

 

I'd just like to discus this, and hear what you think. So, I've read a few threads and realised I would probably define myself as sex repulsed graysexual. I have never really understood the thing about sex, why everybody seemes to be so hyped about it. I've never watched porn but is pretty sure I would not like it. Whenever I surf the web and spam ads with lightly dressed/naked persons pop up I'm like GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY. I don't like sex scenes in movies (obviously) I feel naseus whenever I walk into a pharmacy and walk by the "intimacy" section. Feel alienated when shopping for underwear (hello? I wear them under my clothes, so why do the have to look so sexy all the time? What if I just want something that is, I don't know, comfortable?) Don't get sex jokes, don't like games like truth or dare, just think sex generally seems way overrated.

I'm the same! I do not masturbate either, I hate washing because I hate the feeling. I HATE sexual jokes and memes. All of society these days expect everyone to be sexual I for one never will be sexual since I see no "need" for it. I rather remain single. I avoid romance movies,books, "music" and shows. I tend to put all my interests in Geology/volcanology and Science. 

[Groobly]

I'm sex repulsed myself, never once masturbated and am absolutely just beyond disgusted by sexual body fluids. I'm also interested in things like cuddling and kissing too, so I can relate to this a lot. I don't see it being a hurdle for me to overcome, but something any future partner I have will have to accept about me. If they don't, then our relationship was never gonna work in the first place. It's not a fault of mine and something deserving to be fixed, it's just another aspect of me. Then again, I don't really want to date anyone who isn't asexual in the first place.

 

That's my decision in the end, but ultimately you decide what works for yourself, though. If you find yourself in love with somebody who is sexually active, and you really want that relationship to work to the point of making a change then maybe you'll decide to make this change. However, relationships are always give and take, so your partner will ALWAYS have to also make sacrifices for you and the way you want to live your life. If they don't, and you're the only one making changes, then it's not a healthy relationship.

[adinacarli]

 

25 minutes ago, Stheg said:

When explaining it to someone else, I would emphasize that sexual attraction isn't particularly important to you because you don't experience it and then explain all the other ways you find that person attractive. That seemed to work really well for me. 

Thank you for your advice Stheg, I will definitely use in the future. The bad memories I have about sex, is that I forced myself to say yes when I didn't want to because I thought sexual attraction was something you're supposed to feel, and it made me feel disgusted of myself. Really it's a long story. But yes, I think you may be right. 

 

16 minutes ago, Shieldmaiden WinterDragon said:

All of society these days expect everyone to be sexual

So true! I talked about sex with a few girls in my class the other day, and when I brought up I'm graysexual and had often felt pressurised by society to be sexual they didn’t understand me. But it's really everywhere, social media, commercials, TV-shows, books, magazines. Sexy food, sexy drinks, sexy clothes, sexy make up, walk sexy, talk sexy. Urghhh. Why does everything have to be about sex? Or am I just oversensitive?

[Philip027]

I don't think it's a problem to find stuff repulsive -- pretty much everyone has something they find repulsive -- but if it gets to the point that it interferes with your ability to lead a standard lifestyle (like, you can't even go outside because it gets you that bad) then it's probably something to work on.

[Salted Karamel]

You may be confusing a few terms. As I understand it:

 

sex repulsed: The very thought of sex, any sex, freaks you out. You can't stand to even discuss the topic. ("Oh my god the very thought of beer makes me want to vomit. Let's not even talk about it, please.")

sex averse: You're fine with sex as a general topic, but the thought of sex pertaining to you personally squicks you out. ("It's fine if you want to order beer and I have no problem with you drinking it, but ew get that glass away from my face, it's so gross to me.")

sex negative: You think sex is generally bad and/or sinful and it should be extremely regulated, such as people only being permitted to have sex if they are married. ("WE MUST BRING BACK THE PROHIBITION.")

 

Sex repulsed and sex averse are opposite of sex favorable: "I love beer!"

Sex negative is opposite of sex positive: "All legal adults who want to drink beer should be able to drink beer!"

 

Bonus!

your repulsiveness: You are repulsive. xD

your repulsion: You are repulsed by something else.

[adinacarli]

15 minutes ago, Groobly said:

I'm sex repulsed myself, never once masturbated and am absolutely just beyond disgusted by sexual body fluids. I'm also interested in things like cuddling and kissing too, so I can relate to this a lot. I don't see it being a hurdle for me to overcome, but something any future partner I have will have to accept about me. If they don't, then our relationship was never gonna work in the first place. It's not a fault of mine and something deserving to be fixed, it's just another aspect of me. Then again, I don't really want to date anyone who isn't asexual in the first place.

 

That's my decision in the end, but ultimately you decide what works for yourself, though. If you find yourself in love with somebody who is sexually active, and you really want that relationship to work to the point of making a change then maybe you'll decide to make this change. However, relationships are always give and take, so your partner will ALWAYS have to also make sacrifices for you and the way you want to live your life. If they don't, and you're the only one making changes, then it's not a healthy relationship.

I think you have very wise thoughts on this. I guess I have to reevaluate my thoughts on what a relationship should be like, and my attitude towards my own asexuality. I've always thought about something I'd have to apologize for, rather than for others to accept, that it was my responsibility only to work it out, but I'll try to think about it differently. Thank you for your advice:)

[adinacarli]

9 minutes ago, Salted Karamel said:

You may be confusing a few terms. As I understand it:

 

sex repulsed: The very thought of sex, any sex, freaks you out. You can't stand to even discuss the topic. ("Oh my god the very thought of beer makes me want to vomit. Let's not even talk about it, please.")

sex averse: You're fine with sex as a general topic, but the thought of sex pertaining to you personally squicks you out. ("It's fine if you want to order beer and I have no problem with you drinking it, but ew get that glass away from my face, it's so gross to me.")

sex negative: You think sex is generally bad and/or sinful and it should be extremely regulated, such as people only being permitted to have sex if they are married. ("WE MUST BRING BACK THE PROHIBITION.")

 

Sex repulsed and sex averse are opposite of sex favorable: "I love beer!"

Sex negative is opposite of sex positive: "All legal adults who want to drink beer should be able to drink beer!"

 

Bonus!

your repulsiveness: You are repulsive. xD

your repulsion: You are repulsed by something else.

I'm sorry, even straighted out (thank you) I still don't know exactly where to put myself. But thank you, always looking to get more educated/sorry for my ignorance. Oh no, haha, have edited it now. Sorry, not a native speaker.

[Groobly]

1 hour ago, adinacarli said:

I think you have very wise thoughts on this. I guess I have to reevaluate my thoughts on what a relationship should be like, and my attitude towards my own asexuality. I've always thought about something I'd have to apologize for, rather than for others to accept, that it was my responsibility only to work it out, but I'll try to think about it differently. Thank you for your advice:)

Absolutely not. It'd be like apologizing to a straight person wanting to have sex with you for not being interested in them because you're gay. Asexuality is just as healthy as any other way of experiencing the sexuality spectrum. That's my view at least. You're welcome!

[SithAzathoth WinterDragon]

1 hour ago, adinacarli said:

But it's really everywhere, social media, commercials, TV-shows, books, magazines. Sexy food, sexy drinks, sexy clothes, sexy make up, walk sexy, talk sexy. Urghhh. Why does everything have to be about sex? Or am I just oversensitive?

It's everywhere. It was all over where I worked for 5 months, I was asked"You're still virgin at your age? That's scars me! You should find someone and give them a chance, it's not as bad as you think, you'll enjoy the attention." I do not walk feminine or dress as such and many mocked me except for the chef, he respected me very much and for that reason I copied him more than anyone in the kitchen.

[PitterPatterPuffin]

I'm not sure if i'm sex repulsed or not, but a can definitely relate to some of the things you are saying. I Hate walking through any type of store aisle that is related to sex or naked bodies. i had a slightly weird conversation with my mom about underwear and i kept saying, "whats the big deal, its underwear! nobody ever is gonna see it." She told be to say the same thing when I started wearing thongs in a few years (eww. no thank you). I haven't noticed the fact that everyone is super hyped up about sex, but then i remembered i live in a more innocent town full of old people and children, and i'm probably too young to have people openly talk about sex near me. Also, sex does seem SUPER overrated. As to being sex repulsed being a thing you should work on getting rid of, in my opinion if its not hurting anyone then it seems fine and you shouldn't have to get rid of it. If it does have something to do with a past bad Relationship, then I wouldn't take advice from myself because i don't know much about that and probably wouldn't give good advice. 

[Laplace]

I’m not repulsed but I’m not terribly interested in talking about it cause it’s just feels weird and awkward to talk about. I don’t have a big vested interest in it. I could do it if I had to, but otherwise it’s not something I prioritize.

 

The reason I’m so desensitized to it though is cause I read about it as a kid (as in grade school); I had a very scientific view of it that was untouched by the usual “passion” of adolescence. So it never really excited or disgusted me, cause I had always seen it as just another subject to learn about. I find that rationalizing the reasons it’s so prevalent makes it feel less intrusive. Like when I see an lewd ad I just think stuff like, “Oh it’s just a marketing ploy,” or something like that and it doesn’t seem so weird.

[adinacarli]

16 hours ago, Groobly said:

Absolutely not. It'd be like apologizing to a straight person wanting to have sex with you for not being interested in them because you're gay. Asexuality is just as healthy as any other way of experiencing the sexuality spectrum. That's my view at least. You're welcome!

Totally agree, in my heart I've always known this I guess, but it's easy to forget, since being on the asexual side of the spectrum isn't what's mostly common, hence not considered normal. It's so nice with a place where people get me <3 

 

16 hours ago, Shieldmaiden WinterDragon said:

It's everywhere. It was all over where I worked for 5 months, I was asked"You're still virgin at your age? That's scars me! You should find someone and give them a chance, it's not as bad as you think, you'll enjoy the attention." I do not walk feminine or dress as such and many mocked me except for the chef, he respected me very much and for that reason I copied him more than anyone in the kitchen.

Get so angry at people that think the have the right to define others, or to have an opinion in how you should live your life. Gets even angrier at people who mock others for not be willing to force themselves into their (by society) assigned stereotype. Our differences is what makes us beautiful, it was part us from robots. Can only hope there will be a day when you can be who you want to be, who you truly are, without being questioned.

[Adventurefreak]

Hi there,

Actually when I first heard about sex around 10 I was like "So that's how you get children" and thought those people are funny!!

& As a lot of others at that age I said that I won't do it ever.

 

I always thought that I was completely straight bcz I was attracted to guys for their looks or personality. The idea of kissing, cuddling etc I liked but when it comes to sex I never found it 'necessary'. I know it may give one's pleasure but there are so many other interesting stuffs you wanna do with someone you are attracted to.

 

I never really believed in people saying they wanna fuck someone they found attractive, thinking they are joking.

 

I was comfortable in biology, sex education classes and even light sex jokes.

 

I came to the point that maybe sex happens when you want children and out of curiosity when you love someone a lot and wanna share your body with them.

 

Upto then I was still not interested in sex but not sex-repulsed.

 

I believed and still believe that sex is an intimate thing and remains only between you and your partner.

 

 I realised later I did felt uncomfortable about porn, when people talk about sex WAY too much & too much sex in media disgusts me.  I just can't get these & these have made me express a repulsion towards it.

 

And the problem now when you say you're not interested in sexual stuffs, people think you're lying. And they say you are too hard on yourself, you have an old fashioned mindset it is taboo, you don't wanna try anything.... No its nothing like that, its simply I HAVE NO INTEREST.