Jump to content

gay men vs lesbian women - how they're viewed


theperksofbeing

Recommended Posts

theperksofbeing

[possible TW, homophobia + lesbian fetishization talk]

 

story time: 

 

I'm dual-enrolled in a sociology class at my local community college. So last week, we were talking about deviance (behaviors/appearances that break social norms) and my professor had us join his kahoot! quiz, where we'd see a picture, be asked whether it was deviant or not, and answer anonymously on our phones. The first three were pretty tame, in terms of class discussion and all, but then we got to the fourth one: two women in underwear and tank tops kissing in bed. 

 

As a gay woman, I'm already tense when the photo comes up - that innate anxiety when anything orientation-related is brought up in a space where i'm not 100% sure it's safe to be out yay - and all the guys around me see the picture and immediately start talking about how "hot" the picture is, how "hot" it is to see two girls in what looks to be a loving, caring relationship, doing nothing more than kissing. at this point, I'm sinking down in my chair because i'm absolutely disgusted by the guys around me. 

 

And then we get to the very last picture: two MEN kissing. Not even in bed, or anything. Just kissing. And the same boys who were talking, mere minutes ago, about how "hot" the two women together were, immediately adopt an "ew gross" attitude. My professor says something about the difference in votes on whether each picture is deviant (7 to 2 for the women, 10 to 1, I believe, for the men. Out of 12. Yes, a whole 3 people didn't vote on the lesbians because they were too busy staring.), and the guy who sits next to me launches into some explanation of how lesbians are more generally accepted (true) and how they're viewed as "erotic" for men, which supposedly boosts lesbians acceptance level. 

 

I guess I'm just in awe of how different the level of tolerance is for the SAME THING (i.e. homosexuality), when it comes to gay men vs lesbian women. It's been days since this and I'm still utterly disgusted. It's revolting how us gay women are viewed as tools for men to get off or something, like rather than being actual human beings we're just fetishes for men. Lesbian porn is generally made for men. A lot of men seem to think it's okay to talk to and about lesbians as if their sexuality is purely for men's entertainment. Whereas these same men will look at two gay guys and shun them. And not only is it repulsive, but it's actually scary, to me, as a lesbian who has to sit in a classroom with these guys and pretend my hands aren't shaking. I'm actually scared, however irrational, to go back to this class on Tuesday because I have to constantly worry about someone realizing that I'm a lesbian and those attitudes being directed at me, instead of two random women on a projector screen.

 

Has anyone else had experiences like these? And what are you guys' thoughts on this?
 

Also, a question: do you guys think this "lesbians are hot" attitude actually helps or harms the status/safety of the lesbian community?

Link to post
Share on other sites

 

I guess I'm just in awe of how different the level of tolerance is for the SAME THING (i.e. homosexuality), when it comes to gay men vs lesbian women.

I think the discrepancy in how lesbians and gay men are viewed could have something to do with the male gaze. 

You don't tend to see sexualized men on screen, and if you do, men who are watching get very uncomfortable with it. "I don't need to see this."

Having lesbians on screen isn't too far from business as usual, there are just double the amount of sexualized women. 

But having gay men on screen is a double dose of uncomfortableness for men who aren't used to seeing themselves sexualized on screen.

You can't portray two gay men kissing without breaking out of the male gaze, because no matter how you slice it, that's just not an image a heterosexual guy wants to see.

So yeah, portraying gay men in the media really is more 'deviant' than portraying lesbians.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have had somewhat of an opposite experience.  My school promised to be very accepting of gays.  And gays was only limited to gay men.  The same girls that fawned over the gay guys wanting to be best friends would turn around and talk about how disgusting lesbians were.  I found this behavior very disappointing.

 

@theperksofbeing When we combine our stories we see straight men disgusted by gay men and straight women disgusted by lesbian women.  Of course this doesn't hold for all straight people but I wonder if this is a trend.

Link to post
Share on other sites

From what I see, I can't argue against your experience.

 

I remember hearing that here in the UK (centuries ago), when anti gay laws were made in the UK (I believe) there weren't any anti lesbian laws as lawmakers didn't want to give any ideas to women to be homosexual.

 

I'm guessing the anti lesbian feeling is also lessened as in the past, it was traditionally men who were in positions of power, and even today doesn't give us equality between all genders.

 

This video I saw makes a good point (it's a joke trailer of a lesbian version of Brokeback Mountain. Fairly SFW):

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling uncomfortable being surrounded by those classmates.

 

Yes. Like @Laurann and this article about scientific studies about why straight men are attracted to lesbian scenes said, I'd hope it isn't an indication of homophobia, but rather, has more to do with their sexual attraction, the fact that heterosexual men are attracted to women and prefer seeing two women together, rather than two men, whom they aren't attracted to.

 
 

 

 
 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm going to have to chalk this up to, 'I fail to understand what the differences are' thing. If they're both kissing, it'll fall back to how clothed they are, and from what I gathered, the lesbian couple were less clothed than the gay couple. That didn't seem like a fair representation to glean off from.

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 weeks later...

"Lesbians are hot" are just a term made up for hetero mans.I believe gay men get lot of hate,more than the lesbians.But the thing is gay man is getting more empathy from hetero girls.But lesbians are getting none to be honest.Because hetero girls thing that lesbian girl is might be hitting on her even she is not.And guy is trying to befriend the lesbian girl to turn her straight.So they equally getting the same amount of hate but not the same amount of empathy.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...