flowerage Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 Okay, so I'm pretty dang certain I'm ace (I experience no sexual attraction or desire, so that's easy); however, I've had a squish/crush/etc. on a person for about six years now, and I've been so confused as to whether the feelings are romantic or platonic. I've never felt the same for anyone else before, a powerful joy inside that makes me smile and want to drink tea together while having intricate conversations about science and politics, etc. (I don't want to kiss them or do anything remotely sexual, but I could see a future together, fist-bumping or hugging at our hypothetical wedding). Are these romantic feelings veiled by my asexuality, or are they just platonic feelings? I just want to be really good friends with them and have them care for me in the same way!! ANY ADVICE IS SO APPRECIATED (like I said, it's been six years!) P.S. I'm 90% sure they're romantic and have complimented (tried to flirt with?) me many times. I've been avoiding the issue for so long because I don't want to kiss them, etc., and I would not be fulfilling in the way sexual people need. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 Platonic attraction - (aka squish; a play on the romantic word crush, or colloquially known as a friend crush) is the impulse to further know or befriend someone specific. The desired bond can vary from being friends, to close friends, to best friends. It may include nervousness or admirance, and once the desired bond is reached the squish goes away. It's possible to have a 6 year squish is you never reached your desired bond, but likelihood of that would be low, to which i agree its likely a crush. Romantic attraction - an emotion; so it doesn't translate well into words, but it can be inadequately put as soft/warm/fuzzy feelings with some degree of fixation (at least in comparison to one's normality with others). This is the base requirement, but some people also have a physical reaction to the feeling and others don’t (i.e. butterflies in their stomach, heart rate increase, blushing, etc. [though those can also be symptoms of platonic nervousness]). Others may react mentally with a dreamy mindset, anxious euphoria, infatuation, romantic fantasies, etc. And others may feel it light enough (compared to the norm) that there is no clear line between crushes and wanting emotional closeness (so if a squish aka friend crush doesn’t go away after the desired bond is reached or sexual/non-platonic desires are present it’s a crush). So romantic attraction seems to be rare for you; something that happens once in a blue moon. The umbrella term Gray-romantic is an option, or more specifically there's Aroflexible (someone who primarily does not crush nor desire a relationship but very very rarely feels otherwise). To clarify, Aroflexible people are not aromantic just like hetero/homoflexible people are not straight/gay, they're bi just like Aroflexible people are romantic. Aromantics cannot feel romantically nor desire a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
TheAP Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 Moved from Questions about Asexuality to Romantic and Aromantic Orientations. TheAP Questions about Asexuality co-mod Link to post Share on other sites
flowerage Posted October 12, 2017 Author Share Posted October 12, 2017 @Star Bit Wow, thank you so much for clarifying! You're completely right - I've never felt this way for anyone else before (I'm pretty sure I'm attracted to their intelligence and kindness, which are characteristics slightly hard to find). Grey-romantic sounds very fitting! So... it could be considered romantic attraction even if I don't want to kiss them? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 19 hours ago, flowerage said: @Star Bit So... it could be considered romantic attraction even if I don't want to kiss them? Correct. Romantic attraction is just a feeling; nothing else is required. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Ace Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 Sounds like a crush to me. You've described it quite well. I put it to words in my mind a while back in a more quantifiable way. If you have a crush on someone, you tend to have thoughts about them disproportionate to the amount of actual interaction you have with them. In other words, you might only have talked to them a few times, know very little about them, and yet everything seems to remind you of them. You replay the short conversations you've had with them for no apparent reason, other than it gives you a warm feeling. What you choose to do with that crush is another matter entirely of course. Also, I second Star Bit's comment. You can feel romantic attraction with no desire to hug, kiss, or cuddle. Link to post Share on other sites
flowerage Posted October 27, 2017 Author Share Posted October 27, 2017 @Blue Phoenix Ace Thank you so much for your insight! You described the situation almost perfectly! (Now I just need to figure out what to do since I've never had to do this before, haha) Link to post Share on other sites
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