ThatHuman Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 Right ok... I'm confused... I am a very cheesy and caring person (usually)... And that what loses me when I say I'm Aromantic... I can't determine the so called line between platonic and romantic love - I have a very strong pull towards certain people, well... All people?.. I used to write romantic stories, so incredibly cheesy it made your face want to implode, but I could never finish them... Something just got boring and sarcastic about them after the first chapter, and I never returned to them - I made new stories - and more new stories - till I just gave up knowing it's worthless to try to finish them... I'm thinking maybe I'm lithromantic - but that still not right... All romantic things like kissing and cuddling and holding hands seems comforting to me - but only with people I really know... As the actions would then seem just friendly - and I wouldn't feel obligated to like them... Ok, kissing is a bit too far for me... One thing that confuses me more then other's is that I do feel jealousy - I do feel hurt and anger - but... I don't know why... As my feeling seem extremely platonic... I look for the persons attention more then anything: spending time with them, going for a coffee with them - buying a cat together - There's only one person in the world that I wouldn't mind kissing on the cheek - but THATS IT - anything else, IM OUT! - But even that, it would still just feel like I'm being friendly... The line between romantic and platonic just doesn't exist to me - and everything 'romantic' seems friendly... I'm so sure I accidentally flirted with people before - I'm sorry! That's it - I live to make other people smile - I would never want to marry them... But I'd get sad if they turned their attention away from me... ('that one person' - I get pretty depressed when I find out their dating someone else... I have no idea why...) It's confusing - I need some help with working this out - I have a serious case of unpredictable hug temptations... Is that friendly - or no?.. I honestly don't know... I think it's friendly? Is there Demilithromantic? - Am I that? Or am I just someone extremely cheesy, that also happens to be Aromantic..? Typing this just confused me more... *facepalms* Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 Before you ponder any more on this and that, 1) Do you desire to be in a romantic relationship? 2) Do you feel romantically for others? No to both is all aromantic is; anything else can happen past that. Aros can write stories; what you write about or even read/are a fan of has nothing to do with what you personally want for yourself. There is platonic jealousy. 3 hours ago, ThatHuman said: One thing that confuses me more then other's is that I do feel jealousy - I do feel hurt and anger - but... I don't know why... As my feeling seem extremely platonic... I look for the persons attention more then anything: spending time with them, going for a coffee with them - buying a cat together - But you saying this, it does sound like romantic attraction. Not wanting to make out or other typical relationship things doesn't mean you don't have a crush or desire a relationship, just a low-key one. Being head-over-heels also isn't a requirement; people experience it differently and being in-love comes later in relationships. Romantic attraction is just an emotion; it isn't dependent on actions. So it doesn't translate well into words, but it can be inadequately put as soft/warm/fuzzy feelings with some degree of fixation (at least in comparison to one's normality with others). This is the base requirement, but some people also have a physical reaction to the feeling and others don’t (i.e. butterflies in their stomach, heart rate increase, blushing, etc. [though those can also be symptoms of platonic nervousness]). Others may react mentally with a dreamy mindset, anxious euphoria, infatuation, romantic fantasies, etc. And others may feel it light enough (compared to the norm) that there is no clear line between crushes and wanting emotional closeness (so if a squish aka friend crush doesn’t go away after the desired bond is reached or sexual/non-platonic desires are present it’s a crush). In fact, what you say is along the lines of how my low-key crushes are. I also don't care for verbal affection, nor have any sensual desires like holding hands, etc, however I'm fine with consenting. I'd really compare myself (romantically) to the main guy in the Trolls movie. 3 hours ago, ThatHuman said: The line between romantic and platonic just doesn't exist to me - and everything 'romantic' seems friendly... Alot of things are shared between the two but there is a line, and it's simply feeling romantically (past obvious non-platonic things like making out, romantic gazing, etc.). Just like the difference between sexual assault by slapping someone's ass and just a sportsman slap on the ass is just the enacter's sexual or platonic feelings. But to define terms you mentioned, Demiromantic is feeling romantically/desiring a relationship after an abnormal span of time. Lithromantic is reacting unpositively to reciprocation; loss of interest, aversion, repulsion. None of which i think you mention experiencing. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatHuman Posted October 12, 2017 Author Share Posted October 12, 2017 Sorry... Information over-drive... I have mini panic-attacks about if I'm 'correct' about who I am... It's silly... But it happens... And it's frustrating......... *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
Moonchaser Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 I find it interesting that you started but couldn't finish those romantic stories. Maybe that was your unconscious trying to tell you something. I can't pretend to know what, but if you look at it that way, maybe take a guess as to what your unconscious was trying to tell you by where you ended those stories. That might be a clue to your identity. (Sorry to go all Jungian on you - it's kind of my hobby.) A romantic ace would want the romance, the partnership, but not what most people think that eventually leads to, a sexual relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatHuman Posted October 12, 2017 Author Share Posted October 12, 2017 28 minutes ago, Moonchaser said: maybe take a guess as to what your unconscious was trying to tell you by where you ended those stories. Funny story - it was after or at the romantic part XD It was my mind saying nope - you ruined a great friendship! Similar to sexualised stories I wrote... Key point, I never even wrote them in the first place... As it seemed boring or I felt like vomiting... I did succeed in writing messed up sexualised/romantic stories - as I based them of my constant nightmares... And in content, they are equal to: rape, murder, hell, pure depression, death, alot of death... Oh, and torture... I can only think of the s word as a torture method, I realised... It explains alot... But hey! - I'm not a psychopath! - I'm just ACE ARO!.. (I really did think I was a psychopath... As I clearly was lacking in some emotions...) Link to post Share on other sites
melisestel Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 For me, I experience platonic jealousy (e.g. when two friends hang out without me) and most often it's when my friends become obsessed with a crush and constantly prioritize being with their crush. At first I thought it was just a personality quirk, but now it's obvious to me that this was my aromanticism. I'm at the age now where I don't meet a ton of new people. I have an established job and group of friends, but when I was a student, I do remember the thrill of meeting a new person I wanted to be friends with and really felt like I clicked with. Basically the divide that really speaks to me and confirms for myself that I'm aromantic (because if i've never experienced sexual or romantic attraction, how do I know what the feeling is to know I haven't felt it? Ugh) is that people in romantic relationships want that one person who they put first, and who puts them first. But when I think about having to choose between my family Christmas or a significant other's, or having to move away from my family and friends because my husband got a job in another province, or simply a friend who is in need vs my significant other's birthday party.... No, just no. I have never been able to understand what made the people around me make the sacrifices and compromises - not just in themselves, personally, but affecting their existing friendships and family relationships - and I used to think I'd fall in love someday and understand. Now I know better. I'm aroace. And I'm happiest with a large group of friends and family to meet my emotional needs and give me hugs and I can put anyone I want first at any given moment - whoever is most in need, even if that's myself. I hope that helped. All I can really do is talk about my own experiences because as you may have noticed, I had a difficult enough time figuring myself out lol Link to post Share on other sites
ThatHuman Posted October 13, 2017 Author Share Posted October 13, 2017 @melisestel Thank you - I may still have to sit with myself and look back on my life a bit; to fully work things out. But you really helped me out - thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
quasarshift Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 Platonic jealousy is a thing that exists. I get it too, like when some friends hang out together and didn't invite me. It doesn't mean that I feel romantically towards them. When you wrote the stories, what made them romantic? Would you like to do those things in your stories? You could think about that to tell the difference between what's romantic and what's platonic. It's tricky because there's overlap and different things have different meanings to different people, but whenever I'm questioning my identity I think about what it means to me. Like for romantic orientation, I think about what it means to be 'romantic' and that brings to mind things such as sharing experiences, dates, wanting to get married, etc. Then I think about if I actually want those things [romantic desire] and if I feel that way towards anyone or connect anyone with these desires [romantic attraction]. Link to post Share on other sites
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