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Kumoku

What's always undermined me

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Kumoku   
Kumoku
Is the fact that I had a sexually coercive/abusive relationship throughout my teen years. I was sexually coerced on a regular basis from when I was 16-19. Before that, I didn’t honestly think about sexual attraction. I know I wasn’t straight, but beyond that, I didn’t really know. That is honestly why I’ve bounced around so many different ideas and labels in regards to sexual attraction/orientation.
 
I feel like my GAD (general anxiety disorder) has always played into the idea of constantly second-guessing what my feelings are as well.
 
This was also because of my lack of understanding for how to “officially” describe sexual attraction. You ask 20 different people, you’re going to get 20 different responses. It wasn’t until I read a research paper that I got a good, “concrete” definition of it (I’ve passed it around to numerous people and many seem to agree with me that it’s a good definition.

Sexual attraction is feeling a deep-seeded desire to engage in sexual intercourse or any other sexual act with another person in order to experience arousal and/or orgasm. They feel drawn to another individual or are motivated to initiate a relationship based upon the desire for sexual intimacy or satisfaction. Sexual attraction is arousal caused by OR directed at an individual on a regular basis towards a certain sex or gender identity (or multiples sex(es) or gender identities).

1. There’s more to life than sex? Differences and commonality within the asexual community (Carrigan, 2011)

2. Coming to an asexual identity: Negotiating identity, negotiating desire (Scherrer, 2008)

 

Honestly this is why I’m juggling right now between pomosexual and implasexual. If I have sexual activity, it’s because I feel it’s a great bonding tool with my partner, the act itself can be enjoyable, and I know it’ll make them feel good. I don’t do it to have any kind of “sexual” enjoyment (example I like to use: I enjoy riding on roller coasters because it’s fun, but that doesn’t meant I have fetishized roller coasters/”get sexual pleasure out of it”). 

My depersonalization/dissociative episodes I’ve had since I was at least 13 don’t help either when it comes to this. So all things considered, my sexual orientation (with at least how we contemporarily describe sexual orientation as of 2017), I’m honestly totally lost (considering all factors). 

Pomosexual is good because it shows that for my own views, we currently don’t have a complex enough description of human sexuality for my own views and ideas. I feel that we might in the future, but at this point in time, no.

Implasexual fits because its definition is: knowing that after having done a lot of research into all the different terms in the LGBT+ community, you feel that for one reason or another (trauma, insecurity, etc.) you are done with your research and have effectively “given up” looking for the right term, so implasexual is the one that fits, and you’re at peace with it.

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fatal flower-boy   
fatal flower-boy

I've never EVER heard the terms implasexual or pomosexual. This is my first time.  It's really interesting though. 

On 10/11/2017 at 1:29 PM, Kumoku said:

we currently don’t have a complex enough description of human sexuality for my own views and ideas

This post confused me a bit, but you're right, we don't have a complex enough description of human sexuality. It's definitely not black and white, clean cut sections, or boxes where everything fits perfectly. I'm not sure how GAD and other things in your past would affect sexuality, because that's just it - there are so many different circumstances that can alter a person's perception of themselves, their feelings, their sexuality etc. I'm definitely not going to tell you to not look for the labels you're looking for, because that's completely up to you. But I think it makes life harder.  Personally, every time I get into this mindset of trying to figure out what I like,  who I like, if I like anyone at all while trying to make sense of it all with a label, I think to myself: you just like what you like. Your actions don't have to have labels to them. But that's just me. I completely understand the need to try and figure everything out. It really can be a mess. xp

 

Sorry about your past relationships by the way. Whatever issues that you have, I hope they sort out well. ~

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