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Sexual Married to Asexual


LVanMeter

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     I am happily married to an amazing woman. I happen to be a Very sexual person. We have been together for almost 14 years. When we first got together the sex was amazing and very frequent. The past couple of years have been quite the opposite.  The past 6 months have been really hard, I thought that my wife had either fallen out of love with me or was no longer sexually attracted to me.  Long story short my wife had been doing research on why she felt like she didnt have a sex drive.  She found this site and brought it to my attention. There are so many questions that I have. I don't want my wife to have sex if she doesnt want too, even if it is to please me. Now I don't know if she wants me or if it is because is is actually Asexual... I don't know anything anymore. I love my wife, I will NEVER leave my wife. She will forever my sould mate, and i will do anything for her. I think what I what I need is something that proves to me that it isnt me.  I just want to make sure that I can still make her happy. Is there anyone that is in a current relationship that is sexual and whose partner is asexual. Is there anyone that has any tips.  Please let me know... I would love to actually have a conversation with people.

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So she used to desire sex but no longer does? If so, it is a thing that happens with menopause. To which, yes, she turned asexual. But if she nolonger masturbates then it  could be a Dr needing matter. The only option for menopause would be hormone treatment since neither of you are into giving/receiving sexual compromises; past the obvious celibacy. To answer your last concern, yes, Asexuality isn't about how someone feels toward just one person; it's people as a whole. It really is a "it's not you, it's me, really" situation. Also, if you used sex for its bond there are other ways to achieve that in a relationship, though for some people the oxytocin still won't be as strong compared to sex. So communication (from both of you) and bonding activities can help that.

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I'm asexual and married to a sexual person.  I've always felt this way but didn't have a word for it until recently.  I thought something was wrong with me, and that maybe if I had sex enough it would "fix" me.  Like maybe I was "doing it wrong"?  But all that did was hurt me.  Now, I've accepted that I'm asexual and so has my husband.  We both felt so much better after we started figuring things out.  You really can have a great relationship without sex.  You just have to figure out what kinds of intimacy you're both okay with and can agree on.  I love my husband and he loves me.  And sex has nothing to do with it.

 

EDIT:  Yeah so about my husband being sexual.... Nope, he says he's actually ace too.  Huh, what do you know?

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Confused.Kitten

Communication is key to all your problems. Talk with her, be patient and try to figure out what's going on in her head :)

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  • 5 weeks later...

It sounds like a strong and caring relationship. Talk to your wife honestly. Perhaps she might like to check her hormones by performing blood test and if everything is okay maybe you could talk to sexuologist if sex is really important to you. other than that, I agree pretty much with what everyone else has said here already.

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Of course, you dont want her to do things she does not want to. But perhaps it could be an idea to find things, which would be okay for her to do and which would still give you some of the feeling of sex. Like changing the mind set about having cosmic mutual fantastic sexy sex and instead have a nice massage with a happy ending. Unless she cannot cope with that of course. 

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  • 1 month later...

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