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Anyone else here hate being aromantic when a good potential relationship arises?


HDMFreak

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Pretty much, you feel every other type of attraction (Aesthetic, Emotional, Sexual, Sensual) etc. towards someone in particular. But cant move on with forming a relationship with that person? Personally, i still dont know if i just fear commitment or if i am actually aromantic or lithromantic because i do feel all sorts of other attractions strongly and i have had many crushes in the past. I tend to get lots of extreme anxiety whenever things get serious and causes my mind to be riddled with confusion over what i should do. Like a part of me would feel devistated just dropping the person out of my life but its tough because apart of me doesnt wanna lose that person...i just dont know anymore. Is extreme anxiety normal in these situations? Or do i honestly just fear commitment? 

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No but I sure do hate being asexual heteroromantic and having the only potential relationships that arise have eventual sex as, essentially a requirement :/

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I didn't really have much trouble with discovering I'm aromantic (ok, a bit of trouble)... Most of the situations I was in now make sense - I could never determine what is friendship and what is romantic interest... I had close friends I cherished more then others, but nothing really romantic - I'd love to hug or cuddle some of them, but to me it'd be plainly platonic and friendly... Yeah, I confused many people...

 

I had similar feeling towards people - I actually abandoned many people because of being ACE ARO... Now it all is starting to make sense...

 

Whenever I started getting paranoid that the person wants to 'date' me - I freaked out and NEVER spoke to them again... I'm not joking...

 

I realised I'm aromantic by asking myself a simple question; "Do I want to marry that person?" - No, not really, but I'd do it for the cake...

Don't over think it - you'll get there eventually...

Ok, I myself overthink things - but I'm saying to just sit down with a tub of ice cream and a book, don't stress over it, and don't force yourself - just relax and think things though as calmly as you can - and if you have to, just scream all your frustrations!.. Then relax...

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I'm starting to think I might be lithromantic. I've had a few crushes, but I'm starting to think I might be more into the idea of being with that person instead. So I tend to distance myself from people I like, especially if I think they might like me back too. It might be a mix of fear of commitment and my depressed pessimist mind telling me the relationship wouldn't last.  

 

 

14 minutes ago, ThatHuman said:

Whenever I started getting paranoid that the person wants to 'date' me - I freaked out and NEVER spoke to them again... I'm not joking...

 

I can't help doing this either. It feels like a defense mechanism, and I need to distance myself from them immediately. I don't know if I'm just worried that I might accidentally lead them on and make it worse or I'm just scared of commitment. It's worse if I think they'd make a good friend. I also have a terrible habit of scaring away people who like me. 

 

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I don't see why that should keep you from a relationship unless romance is so important to the other person that they can't live without it. I'm romantic, but that is just about the attraction, really, I'm not into a lot of the romantic trappings - the sentimental ways in which people think they have to commemorate a relationship. I think if I were in a very romantic relationship it would even feel a bit cloying. For me it's just about the attraction in the first place, and the idea of sharing a relationship with someone (for me, of the opposite gender). But honestly it kind of ends there. I like expressing affection, to a point, but not as a constant way of life.

 

I think it's more a spectrum than an on/off thing, so it might be possible for a relationship to work between a romantic and an aromantic.

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QuantumQuellie
On 10/7/2017 at 1:32 PM, HDMFreak said:

Pretty much, you feel every other type of attraction (Aesthetic, Emotional, Sexual, Sensual) etc. towards someone in particular.

[...]

 Is extreme anxiety normal in these situations? Or do i honestly just fear commitment? 

I understand the anxiety well! I also am capable of being attracted to people in every other way, except for romantically (so far). I am fairly new to discovering about Aromanticism (last year or so). I feel that learning about it has helped me make sense of why I never connected with anyone in that way. I'm approaching my mid thirties and have never dated someone past three months, have never told anyone that 'I love them' romantically -- Heck, I even find it weird to say it in a platonic context, between friends. Had I realized this about myself earlier, I feel it would have allowed me to go about things in a better way. I have been accused of being aloof and guarded by the women I've dated.. especially when I end things and just want to be friends. Now I feel like I can better handle the anxieties I have when I "get bored" despite still thinking they're a cool person, or wanting to claw my way out when I realize they have feelings and I don't. It's eased a concern that I was an emotionless robot, hey, I'm just aromantic.. okay! Surprisingly, it has also helped me with my friendships as well. I have held out on "labeling myself" being aromantic because of similar reasons; what if It IS a commitment issue, what happens if one day I do develop something akin to romantic feelings and it turns out I was demi/grey romantic, etc... Well, then so be it. At least now I have a chance to better explain it to someone with whom I share a mutual interest in the other ways. If she's emotionally intelligent, open, and can value me as a person above a romantic notion that isn't part of me, I am sure that it could be something we could work on. I'm not saying that frustrations wouldn't happen but at least it would offer a better understanding to navigate through it. I'm not sure if any of that helps you but I do hope you find a way to release those anxieties.

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aimyourarrows

Anxiety sucks!! I recently found out my friend of a few months was interested in me and the more i thought about it i felt i could be into her also so i thought this was a good chance to try some ~romance out and told her. I do think i like her more than "just friends" but whenever we get close or into a situation to potentially be romantic my heart rate just shoots up like crazy and i feel like i have no idea what im doing. Makes me question my feelings sometimes but im hoping with more time and good communication i can figure it out, as i also dont want to just drop them. Hope you can figure it out too!

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