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My ace boyfriend initiates sex lately


Aaronsgirlfriend

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Aaronsgirlfriend

im sexual and im posting about my boyfriend who is asexual, its not really a question just a general statement. The last time i posted i was talking about how i feel like i need to stop when we start to do sexual things (because i can tell he is uncomfortable). I thought he was sex repulsed but Now i think hes sex positive. he has been initiating things lately (oral sex mostly) and thats usually pretty out of the norm for him. I know that asexuality is a spectrum and that sexuality in general can be fluid. However, him being ace is a discovery hes made only a few months ago and hes still very much figuring all of it out. I thought he was gray-ace but now i think maybe hes Demisexual. He wanted to have anal sex last week and thats the first time hes offered that since may or June. Weve been taking our relationship a little further lately and i definitely feel closer to him.

 

 

 

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Just another idea: he might be offering sex because he knows you're sexual and that you like it. 

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If you've been accepting of him, he may be more willing to try to please you. Or sex might be less intimidating if you stopped initiating. It's hard to say.

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Lots of different types out there. He must just love you so much he wants to. :) Just keep communicating.

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Aaronsgirlfriend
9 hours ago, Stheg said:

Just another idea: he might be offering sex because he knows you're sexual and that you like it. 

see he never usually does that anymore, but maybe thats the case. Idk, he doesnt like to talk about his feelings hes the cliche macho man in that respect. so thats why i get on here a lot, just for my own needs of communication. So its hard to say, he did do that when we first started dating though, and it made me feel really guilty when i found out that he really didnt want to, but he did it for me.

 

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8 hours ago, Aaronsgirlfriend said:

see he never usually does that anymore, but maybe thats the case. Idk, he doesnt like to talk about his feelings hes the cliche macho man in that respect. so thats why i get on here a lot, just for my own needs of communication. So its hard to say, he did do that when we first started dating though, and it made me feel really guilty when i found out that he really didnt want to, but he did it for me.

 

You say that it made you feel guilty, but perhaps you should feel loved instead. 

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10 hours ago, Aaronsgirlfriend said:

see he never usually does that anymore, but maybe thats the case. Idk, he doesnt like to talk about his feelings hes the cliche macho man in that respect. so thats why i get on here a lot, just for my own needs of communication. So its hard to say, he did do that when we first started dating though, and it made me feel really guilty when i found out that he really didnt want to, but he did it for me.

 

When I was with sexuals, the less they were after sex, the more willing I was to give it - the pressure was off and I could give on my own terms, even though it was just a gift for them. Possible he's similar. :)

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If one looks at it from a rational POV, it could be all kinds of different things.

 

He could be grey or demi indeed... or he could just "jump at the chance" when he feels that he's okay with having sex at a particular point, in a "let's do this while it's somewhat okay for me" kind of way. "When in Rome..." instead of having to deal with it when he's less in the mood. There might also be a slim chance that he's discovering feelings he hasn't been aware of until now, but that's for him to figure out :)

 

Oh and just as a side note: Asexuality isn't a spectrum. It's a yes/no kind of thing - either you experience sexual attraction (no matter how often or under which circumstances), or you don't.

 

Best of luck, seems like things are looking good :cake:

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4 hours ago, Serran said:

When I was with sexuals, the less they were after sex, the more willing I was to give it - the pressure was off and I could give on my own terms, even though it was just a gift for them. Possible he's similar. :)

@Serran exactly! Bit of a odd thing though! 😉

 

The less you want, the more you get. 

 

Or perhaps better like (see blog prismaticentanglement)

if you want to have sex with an ace you have to be willing to not have it. 

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ChickenPadSeeEew

I can relate to this. For sure, if there's no pressure, it feels like giving a gift to my partner. Even if I want none of it back! :lol:

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