My partner is fraysexual, and I'm demisexual

[Anthony A]

Hey there everyone,

 

I really need help. I'm fairly new to all this and discovered this site a couple of days ago. I don't know what to do about my situation.

 

I'm in a gay relationship with my partner, and we've been having fights that always seem to center around sex. After doing some research, I found out that he's in fact fraysexual (or possibly even graysexual) whereas I am demisexual. I have to have an emotional connection with someone in order to have sex. Since I love him so much, it's easy for me to have sex. But for him, he's said he sex isn't a big priority for him.

 

I want and need sex, at least once a week. And I've tried to compromise and not pressure him into doing it or ask him. Only when he's ready. Thing is he rarely asks for it and I'm kind of sitting there waiting and hoping, meanwhile sexual urges are brewing and then we fight.

 

What can I do about this situation?

 

Thanks so much for your help. It would mean the world to me.

[The_Reluctant_Dragon]

Well first, welcome to AVEN! Now, I have never met a demisexual or fraysexual person, but, I know being in a relationship, with someone who is on the ace spectrum is difficult. In this case, both of you are on the spectrum and are complete opposites. Demisexuals need a bond to form while fraysexuals need an unknown person to feel a certain way. Talk to him about it, maybe he will compromise and have sex with you at least once a week, but, also consider that you might need to compromise and hold those sexual urges until he is willing. All I can give as advice is to talk with him, try to understand one another and where both of you are coming from. I hope you like it here. Have some cake 

[Kai99]

On 10/5/2017 at 1:36 AM, Anthony A said:

Hey there everyone,

 

I really need help. I'm fairly new to all this and discovered this site a couple of days ago. I don't know what to do about my situation.

 

I'm in a gay relationship with my partner, and we've been having fights that always seem to center around sex. After doing some research, I found out that he's in fact fraysexual (or possibly even graysexual) whereas I am demisexual. I have to have an emotional connection with someone in order to have sex. Since I love him so much, it's easy for me to have sex. But for him, he's said he sex isn't a big priority for him.

 

I want and need sex, at least once a week. And I've tried to compromise and not pressure him into doing it or ask him. Only when he's ready. Thing is he rarely asks for it and I'm kind of sitting there waiting and hoping, meanwhile sexual urges are brewing and then we fight.

 

What can I do about this situation?

 

Thanks so much for your help. It would mean the world to me.

You two are the opposite. One whose sexual desire grows once they get to know one another, and the other who loses desire as they get to know each other. The only way is for you both to compromise, which will mean you will have to accept less sex than you like, and he will have to participate every now and then. Talk to your partner on what compromise that you both can tolerate.