A Bunch of Aromantic Questions: Am I Aromantic?

[LoyalandTrue]

Alright, so I've been trying to figure out *for sure* what my romantic orientation is. I've thought for awhile that I am aromantic, and I Still think that, I think, but I'm just trying to... come to terms with that, and confirm my feelings? Because, in theory, to me, the idea of a romantic relationship is fine! It's definitely not something that I am opposed to. But its also not something that I... feel the need to seek out. I don't see people and think "Wow they're hot" and I don't see people and want to *be* in a romantic relationship with them, same as I don't see people and want to be in a sexual relationship with them. And its not something that I regard as important, either; I generally don't sit around and wonder if I'll ever be in a romantic relationship, or if I'll have someone to be with, it just isn't important to me. What is important to me is having a trusted friend, even partner, who I can talk and vent to and maybe even hug sometimes, and just... someone important to me. I don't want to live alone. 

And for that, I know, that I can turn to Queerplatonic relationships, for which I am grateful to have learned so much about.

 

So what I guess I'm trying to determine is... like... when I see people, what *do* I feel about them?

So when I see people, especially people I know, I tend to... be happy to see them? Like, unless I had a very unpleasant experience with them, I generally feel like we have a connection, as friends, and I feel a sort of... kinship with them in some ways. Because "Hey, we know each other!" and if it's been a positive interaction in the past, I tend to want to go back and connect more. The same thing happens on tumblr, and on other things, where, if I interact with a person, I already feel like... "FRIEND" almost immediately after I get to know them even slightly.

I mean, that's not... that's not romantic feelings. Are they just normal feelings that everyone has? Are they squishes? Are the feelings a result of my personality, just a quirk of myself? 

Because the more I think about it, that tends to be the only thing that I feel for other people, is just like... this feeling of kinship with them. And a want to interact (which is sometimes/often interfered with by anxiety but I don't count that)

So I don't know what I'm asking even anymore. For Guidance I guess. Asking "The Big Question," "Am I Aromantic" and knowing that its not something that somebody can necessarily answer me, but also asking it anyway to see if I can make sense of it.

So: Am I Aromantic? Is the... Friendliness I feel toward other people that I've met briefly a normal thing, or is that what a squish would be? Or is a squish different entirely?

Thank you for reading my mess of a post

[Yep, me]

I think you’re aromantic from the description, but only you may entirely know.

[sarahcasm]

What I typically tell people is that if you feel like the identity describes you, you should use it. If, somewhere down the line you decide it no longer matches what you see yourself as, then you can change it.

 

I will also say that I definitely get excited/ happy when I see my friends and I definitely don't feel romantically about them--for me, romantic attraction typically means I also want to snuggle up with them and cuddle on a couch instead of sit and play board games, which is how I feel about most friends (it's more complicated than that, but I feel like this is probably an understandable simple way to put it). What you're describing there seems more like platonic attraction to me and just happiness to be with a friend, but you know yourself better than anyone else. That part at the beginning that you specifically state that:

53 minutes ago, LoyalandTrue said:

I don't see people and think "Wow they're hot" and I don't see people and want to *be* in a romantic relationship with them, same as I don't see people and want to be in a sexual relationship with them. And its not something that I regard as important, either; I generally don't sit around and wonder if I'll ever be in a romantic relationship, or if I'll have someone to be with, it just isn't important to me.

also seems pretty aromantic to me, but, again, you know yourself better than I or anyone else, so it's ultimately up to you to realize what your orientation is. 

[weijiangling]

For what it's worth, I definitely consider myself romantic and I don't have any reaction like that just by looking at people either. Typically I get to know someone, and romantic feelings are like that "oooh a friend!" reaction on steroids. The feelings of friendship, kinship, wanting to know them better, wanting to interact and spend time together all apply. It's more a matter of degree. Do I want to talk to them and think about them A LOT? Do I feel an extra level of happy when they show they like me as much as I like them? I think that's where the distinctions come into play. And for me, while I definitely will cuddle with friends if I've established they like that, I will really actively want that physical contact with a crush. It's not a sexual kind of physical, but cuddling and kissing are a thing.

 

The exact specifics there don't need to apply, it's more a matter of whether there's anything you end up feeling about some people that's somehow qualitatively different from how you feel about most friends. And like other people have said, you're the one who can decide whether a word applies or not, so go with whatever feels right to you.

[Guest Deus Ex Infinity]

7 hours ago, Zenzencat104 said:

I think you’re aromantic from the description, but only you may entirely know.

I'd like to agree with Zenz here

[arekathevampyre]

Agreeing with @Zenzencat104 and @Deus Ex Infinity here

[LoyalandTrue]

Thank you guys <3 <3 

This has been really helpful, and just hearing and seeing so many people going "A-yup, that sounds aromantic to me" is really... comforting and nice!

8 hours ago, sarahcasm said:

for me, romantic attraction typically means I also want to snuggle up with them and cuddle on a couch instead of sit and play board games,

This is a really good way of understanding, actually! I know its simplified, like you said, but whenever I have like, a board game night or something, I may feel "Okay friends yay" about the people Im playing with, but I never feel like... yeah, like what you described. It's kinda like the cake thing. Would I rather cuddle with people, or play board games? Almost always play board games. XD

So thank you.

4 hours ago, weijiangling said:

It's more a matter of degree.

This is also super helpful, because while I do get a little... whatever you want to call it. Excitement. When I see people that I know, and get excited to see a friend, but it's never to such a large degree.

 

Thank you all <3