Aphobia

[Freddy]

Tbh I feel like some people think it’s impossible for ace people to have haters (people with aphobia basically) but like ya I’ve met some people who have called me a freak or have told me that me being ace wont last and you know what fuck it honestly I used to actually sit and wait for the time I stopped being the way I am but you know what I accept myself now and I’m just like I need people to stop looking at me weird and what I hate most is that like when I first found out I was ace I told my dad and my mom about it and like my dad seemed alright with it (but I’m pretty sure he didn’t get it) but my mom was so hateful and said that no one would want to marry me and all that blah blah bullshit but I just told her that I can’t control it and if I could I would change (big lie tho lol) I love the way I am and don’t ever wanna change and honestly fuck anyone who thinks you being ace should fucking matter to them like it’s none of their god damn business and also a small reminder ( DONT EVER COME OUT FOR YOUR FRIENDS) like I’ve had people just go “yah you see my friend there well she’s asexual” and they keep going and eh 

[Sidestep]

Darn. Sorry to hear that your mum reacted like that. 

 

I hope that you can enjoy being around some people who understand that asexuality isn't a problem. I find hanging around here rather cathartic. 

 

In my experience 'aphobia' usually takes the form of disbelief - we're mistaken, or going through a phase, or just looking for attention. Which is complete nonsense, of course. It's doubly disturbing because, often, people won't tell you outright that they don't believe you, and that makes you second guess whether anyone does at all.

 

I guess it makes sense, though. Sexuality is something that's a fundamental part of life for most people, and it's probably far easier to imagine it being directed difrently (i.e. homosexuality/bisexuality/etc.) than it being completely absent. I also get the feeling that, coming from family members, it's often about wanting what they think is best for us. Sexuality is important to their happiness, and they just want that for us, too. It doesn't make that kind of attitude right, but I find it takes the edge off the hurt a little. 

 

I can't help but wonder - since allosexuality is as much a mystery to me as I imagine asexuality must be to allosexuals - whether the social structure we have now (where the primary relationship of one's life is an exclusive sexual and romantic one) is biologically or socially driven, and whether it would be possible to have a society, with allosexual people included, where a platonic relationship could be considered just as important. I hope so. 

[everywhere and nowhere]

A bit of a side note: I dislike the word "aphobia" because it's extremely misleading. You can't just take a model (hostility to homosexuals - homo-phobia, hostility to asexuals - a-phobia?) and expect it to work every time. "Aphobia" sounds like "no fear" or "lack of phobias". I definitely prefer "acephobia" or, even more, "asexophobia" - because it's more than just hostility to asexuals as a clearly defined group, in modern society there is a level of hostility to pretty much any idea of not having sex for any reason. Asexophobia doesn't always take the form of some relatively considered "people can't be asexual, sexuality makes us human beings". Sometimes it's just "but sex is oh so great, how can anybody not like it?" - and it's as much against asexuals as it is against all people who don't have / don't like sex.

[Comrade F&F]

*extends hugs*

[doggalogga]

I find that people don't hate asexuals. They're just totally ignorant. That's why I don't trust people by sharing that aspect about me.

My parents know. The old man is fine with it. Not sure how much Mum understands though, but she's fine.

Only other people that I have told was my ex, who didn't understand because she still insisted I was sexual - her understand was from a self-centered point of view. Other person is a close mate who tells me all his details and experiences, and I likewise. The only person my age I trust.

 

I have other friends in their 30s, but they're like teenagers when it comes to their penises, and I find their sexual obsession (immaturity in my eyes) frustrating and completely uninteresting. I wish they'd grow up sometimes. The ability to stick a penis in places doesn't make anybody an actual adult.

 

As for nobody wanting to marry you...says who? Your Mum - the lady that responded with vitriol towards her own daughter - who she should support regardless of your choices which happen to harm nobody else, or even yourself at that. Don't take her comment to heart. It's borne out of ignorance and a lack of understanding. Frustrating, yes, but she cares about you, and wants what is best for you - from her point of view. 

 

There comes a point where the influence of parents diminishes and your own intellect and desire for independence takes over.

You can operate however you want with the confidence that you're doing the right thing by you, and you don't need the validation of others to make those decisions.