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crushes??


time traveller jedi

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time traveller jedi

To the romantics out there: out of curiosity, what does romantic attraction feels like? When did you begin to have crushes on people? Does romance happens the way they show in movies? etc, etc, etc. 

As an aroace who's never experienced any kind of romantic attraction, I can't help but be curious about this... thing... that is such a big deal in other people's lives. 

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Comfortably Confused

I got you. I'm a serious sucker for romance and for me, it's just seeing someone and reckoning they'd be nice to snuggle/cuddle/go somewhere with and...it's kind of hard to explain. I've got a serious crush and to be honest, I just want to cuddle them and do things other couples might do, just without sex and kissing. Romantic attraction is hard to define. I don't think there's this thing like with what I've gathered happens with sexual attraction. You just feel like you might want to get a bit closer to someone.
Okay, I've lost the plot there.
SOMEONE WHO'S BETTER AT IDENTIFYING FEELINGS, PLEASE TAKE OVER FROM THIS TRAIN WRECK OF AN ANSWER!
I tried.

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Anny O. Mous

My heart seems to make the wise or unwise decision to be attracted to only gay men and straight women.  I can openly flirt with Abby all I want and offer physical comfort when she's down.  I can hug Harry and hold his hand when we go on our outdoors adventures.  I give them both meaningful gifts.  But that's the extent of my feelings for them.  They're my very dearest friends.

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I had my first crush 2 weeks ago for about five days, then it kinda faded away. I was (and still am) happy around them, kept thinking about them for most of the day, and it was rather painful when I was alone because I couldn't tell them what I was experiencing. Not sure how romance is shown in movies since I care about action scenes only lol

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EggplantWitch

I'm currently infected with a crush so I can try and talk about how it feels. It's admittedly my first ever, and for a while I wasn't even sure if it was a crush (I made a topic about it over on Asexual Relationships and everything) but since I've made up my mind that yes, it actually is, I might as well share.

 

Firstly, I just want to talk to him. A lot. More than I do with even my best friends. I want to know as much about him as possible, and I could listen to him talk for hours. This guy in particular is just so interesting and unique, not like anyone I've ever met, and he's so eloquent about the things he's passionate about that I'm happy to just sit there and nod along (metaphorically, we can only really communicate using IM) no matter what it is he's talking about and no matter how much personal interest I have in the topic.

 

I also feel a desire to be physically closer to him than I do towards other people. I'm not a very touchy person, I rarely hug my friends and I really hate having to hug my family, but with this guy the idea doesn't sound so bad. The idea of sitting right up next to him watching a movie or holding hands or those other sappy romantic touchy things I always thought I would hate, make me feel all daft and cosy. This is one of the big indicators to me that it's a crush and not a squish, but since most people are much more physically affectionate with their friends than I am it's not an indicator that would work for a lot of other people I think.

 

I think he's pretty physically attractive, too. This doesn't relate to the crush entirely, because I knew what he looked like years before This Whole Thing started, and there are dozens of people out there I think look nice but have no other feelings for. I just think it helps (or makes things worse, depending on how you want to look at it).

 

Lastly, I fantasise a lot about him. They're all embarrassingly asexual fantasies, to the effect of 'we finally hang out in person, we go on a picnic, we go on a trip to the nearby historic city, we have a really nice time together' etc or 'he confesses feelings to me/is happy to hear I have them for him'. He occupies my thoughts pretty frequently. It's worth noting that all of the above was stuff I thought about a lot when I first realised I had a crush on him, but it's calmed down significantly in the past two or three weeks. The feelings are still there, I still get giddy at the thought of being asked out, or a stinging pain at the thought of being rejected, but they don't overwhelm me in quite the same way. Which is a big relief, to be honest. On one hand having this crush makes me feel kind of bubbly in a way I've not felt before, but the logical realist in me knows it's very very unlikely he feels the same way, and I just have to hope that this dies out peacefully and doesn't wreck the friendship we already have.

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swirl_of_blue
On 10/2/2017 at 3:27 AM, time traveller jedi said:

Does romance happens the way they show in movies?

It does for some people. I have a friend who literally fell into her now-boyfriend's arms while dancing at the club when some drunk pushed her. They spent the rest of the night just talking, she gave him her number, a day after that he called her and that was it: they started meeting almost daily after that, have now been living together for several years and she's hoping he'll propose. But that's actually the only movie-like true life love story I've personally encountered. It's really cute, but I personally also find falling for someone that quickly and easily rather creepy! Being a demiromantic I need to know a person for a relatively long time before any feelings might develop: for now a year or two if meeting ~weekly seems to be enough but it can go down to even half a year if we meet several times a week for a shared hobby or something. If there's any pressure for romance, for example finding someone on a dating site or having a blind date set up by a friend, there will be no chance of me ever feeling anything for that person as even the idea of romance with them will feel forced. I must meet that person "by chance" and become friends or at least long-time aquaintances first, and then in rare cases that might in my mind grow to something else, though even this is rare.

 

On 10/2/2017 at 3:27 AM, time traveller jedi said:

When did you begin to have crushes on people?

I thought I had my first crush when I was nine or ten. It was on a classmate who was a very friendly and talented guy, and we had a lot of shared interests. Though I would now classify it as more squish than a crush, I did desperately want some sort of closeness with him and the squish/crush (sqrush?) lasted for almost ten years. During that time I never explictly told him of my feelings, we never really became what I would call friends and he dated at least three or four girls. Eventually my feelings faded when he moved after graduating from high school, since I decided to stay in my home city to study.

 

My first real crush was nine years ago when I was 17, on a classmate/friend from band. It was certainly a crush, as there was a clear romantic component, which to me means a lot of touching and kissing. I never got to do anything with him (besides hug as a friend), as I was an exchange student and only really told him of my feelings when I was back in my home country... We had a weird chemistry/connection where I just found his thoughts very easy to follow, and every moment just felt better if he was near. I still haven't gotten completely over him, but since there's nothing I can do about it (and haven't been able to ever do) the feelings will probably fade one day. Mostly I'm annoyed that I never got to see how good we could have been together!

 

On 10/2/2017 at 3:27 AM, time traveller jedi said:

what does romantic attraction feels like?

I currently have not only one but TWO crushes, so I have a lot of examples. I tend to become obsessed over someone I have a crush on. I just want to know everything there is to know about them! Anything from favorite color to work history, nothing seems irrelevant. I latch onto their every word, and will probably remember even really small details I might overhear them saying that I would normally not even notice, or at least forget immediately. I also find people very good looking when I have a crush on them, even if they don't have physical features that I would normally like.

And then there comes the more physical side: I want to hug, cuddle and kiss. I want to see what their body looks like and also know what it feels like. I will just become fascinated about them in every way, to the point that not having them close will be annoying at the least. In addition to the "weird obsessive almost-stalker" and "touch-starved" sides I will find myself really, really wishing good things for that person. If the're an athlete, I will want them to perform well. A student I will wish to get straight A's on everything. If they have job I will hope for a promotion for them. If they're sick I wish I could just appear outside their door with some hot soup. I just want to be there for them, to be able to make them happy and generally to be able to be around them whether things are good or bad. Of course I wish that even some of what I feel could be returned as well, but even worshiping them from a distance is better than nothing. I generally don't have the courage to act on my feelings in any way... Of my two current crushes one had already told he's not ready for "anything" at this time and the other one I haven't told and probably never will (that one is a woman, and unless I get foolproof information that she's not limited to men I'll of course never say anything, as my chances would be 0% and everything would be just awkward)

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I think I had a crush on someone. 

 

I would think about them a lot and they would make me feel really happy. We could talk about anything and I would be dying to hear their thoughts on just about any subject even ones that I have know idea about. I would look forward to random questions they would ask, they would make me think about things I never thought about before, little stuff I guess but it seemed more important.

 

I just wanted to be around them, chat to them, have little jokes and stuff, if I could make them happy for even a moment then it was the best feeling in the world and if they were sad then I was right there with them.

 

I could spend all day with this person and still beg them not to leave at 2am. :D

 

It took me a while to realise these feelings although I'm still not a hundred percent sure what they mean (feel free to let me know what you guys think) but I know how devastated I felt when things went wrong, it felt like the worst thing in the world.

 

Now we're friends and I'm glad. I cherish them even more now :)

 

 

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity
On 2.10.2017 at 2:27 AM, time traveller jedi said:

To the romantics out there: out of curiosity, what does romantic attraction feels like? When did you begin to have crushes on people? Does romance happens the way they show in movies? etc, etc, etc. 

As an aroace who's never experienced any kind of romantic attraction, I can't help but be curious about this... thing... that is such a big deal in other people's lives. 

 I think I had my first crush on a TV star,  starting at the age of 13. I had a bunch of butterflies in my chest every time I watch an episode on the screen, especially when he smiled. I was dwelling in corny (day) dreams of sharing his advenures side by side, wanted to be hold and kissed, collected every bit of paper and fan merchandising, joined every fanclub and expressed my feelings from drawing and paintings. I was in awe of his looks, character and physical aesthetic features all at once.

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paperbackreader

I dunno if what I feel counts as crushes...

 

Generally I just wanna spend more time with someone and to know the good bad and ugly about everything they think and really /really/ understand them. No real need for touching or cuddling or whatever. I'd like to argue out things which we disagree on and compromise to a mutual agreement. Or work out the differences and agree to disagree and accept that. To learn things together. 

 

Whilst I've had my fair share of popstars I followed closely for whatever reason in my youth I never really felt they were crushes either (I never felt the need to know everything they thought or to want to spend time with them, or start a family with them). 

 

Never had the butterflies either...

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For me, it was like I really wanted to be with that person and talk to them all the time and spend my whole life with them. I would be thinking about this person a lot, much more so than anyone else. I would also want to share everything about me with them [which is very unusual for me because I'm pretty reserved] and I would want them to share with me too. I know this sounds like it could also be a friendship, but there's this desire for closeness that's different. I don't mean physical closeness because I don't like touching, more like a really strong psychological bond. And if they're not there, or if something bad happens to the relationship, I can really feel the absence and it hurts a lot.

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On 10/3/2017 at 3:29 PM, swirl_of_blue said:

 

I thought I had my first crush when I was nine or ten. It was on a classmate who was a very friendly and talented guy, and we had a lot of shared interests. Though I would now classify it as more squish than a crush, I did desperately want some sort of closeness with him and the squish/crush (sqrush?) lasted for almost ten years. During that time I never explictly told him of my feelings, we never really became what I would call friends and he dated at least three or four girls. Eventually my feelings faded when he moved after graduating from high school, since I decided to stay in my home city to study.

 

So I'm currently starting to maybe possibly identify as aro, but my story is just like this with the one single person I think I had a crush of some sort. 

My story isn't that relevant here, but the difference for me with this one guy and all my other squishes (and I haven't felt it for anyone else I've ever met/known/seen) was that instead of being totally alarmed when he touched me (platonic), I felt all kind of warm and fuzzy. And then there's the wanting to be a part of his life or at least be able to see him happy and admire him. And the fact just his presence could drag me out of my depression because just being around him seems to make me happy.

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