AssassinBabs Posted September 29, 2017 Share Posted September 29, 2017 I think I am ready to tell my family that I am an demi bi-aro/ace. But I am not sure how to bring it to them. I know they are supportive of me, if I should tell them that I am bisexual or lesbian. So that is not a big issue... But I am not sure how they will respond if I tell them about the ace stuff and demi aro. For I believe they are not known to those things, and as with other things we dont know, we are scared of repulsed by it.. So actually what I need is some help, how to bring it to them. What to say and what not to say. Some do's and don'ts, all ideas of how to tell it are welcome. Even if its in child language, the simpler the better! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
whenpigsfly Posted September 29, 2017 Share Posted September 29, 2017 hi . are you under pressure from them ? like asking questions and ... and another thing .. dont bombard them from the beginning with demi bi aro + ace and ... first go with the sexual one ,, like being asexual . after that , take your time and try to add other definitions another time Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BlueTuesday Posted September 29, 2017 Share Posted September 29, 2017 Perhaps you could try somehow introducing the idea of asexuality as an abstract topic, just say related to a character on TV (like, "hey, I wonder if Sherlock Holmes is asexual? He's never interested in relationships") or in general terms in random conversation so they can get an idea of asexuality (or demisexuality, whichever you think most relevant to you) itself before you also tell them that is something you identify with? That way they have time to take in the idea first. It's always possible that if they had time to understand what asexuality is, they might start thinking it sounds like you before you say anything, which would make it even easier when you did tell them you thought you were asexual. I also agree with @whenpigsfly, and starting basic is the way to go. Hopefully once they've understood "asexual" and then know that's you, they would be interested to do some more research and understand it better, and you could explain the extra labels then. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted September 29, 2017 Share Posted September 29, 2017 Either that or " f it, mum, dad, etc. I'm asexual" and then spend an hour trying to explain it. I recommend @BlueTuesday's option Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AssassinBabs Posted September 30, 2017 Author Share Posted September 30, 2017 Tomorrow I will tell my mom and her husband... or at least that is the idea. Not sure if I capable of coming out to them. I need to see how the day is going to be. And if my stress level allows me to, my stress level rises always when I am there. Wich isn't strange since my trauma is related to the time I lived there. My moms husband is the main reason why I have a trauma, he is a narcissistic man with an awful lot of own issues. He used to be quite verbally abusive, so every time when something went wrong I had to deal with his temper explosions. Or he and my mom would fight at night when they thought I was asleep. Not thinking that it would wake me up. So not sure if I can keep my stress level low enough to come out to them! I will post how it went.. wish me luck! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
weijiangling Posted September 30, 2017 Share Posted September 30, 2017 Someone I know had a good formula for how to frame something you're not sure how to tell someone to lessen the impact of it on them and get a better response. I haven't had too many opportunities to try it out in this format since I heard of it, but it seems like a good thing to think about regardless. I found a link... you can just scroll down to the section that says "Difficult Conversation Formula" and has bolded steps. http://theintimacydojo.com/difficult-conversations/ I hope that's helpful. Best of luck, either way. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AssassinBabs Posted October 1, 2017 Author Share Posted October 1, 2017 Okay, I did tell my mom. Not on the best time, but stil I did it. Was trying to find the best way and time. I thought I had the best and logical sentence, that I discovered a lot about myself through therapy. In my head I would follow by coming out. But sadly my mom or her husband asked an other question and gone was the moment. So I told her when she was driving me to the train station, as I already thought she was supportive. I began by saying that it was something I wanted to say earlier but was a little tense about it, after that I said that she shouldn't suspect any children from me since I am aseksual. Her first reaction was how I felt about it. So I told her that it was a great relief when I figured it out, that I am not broken or anything. She said it didn't surprise her really, since I was never interested in boys. She even thought I was lesbian. Wich led me to the point of saying that I consider myself as an aro, and only if I really know someone that it might happen that I start to feel something for them. (So the demi-aro is covered) I left the bi part out, since I am not 100% sure. Although it does make alot of sense. Although it wasn't as planned but I still said what I was about to say. Not much time to really discuss or explain how I found out, but that is okay. I don't need to explain how I found out, the purpose was to tell her. And that I did, so I am a little proud on myself. next obstacle are my dad and sister with her husband. And maybe if I really want to I might tell my brother, but our relationship is not that good. Sure we are relatives but that is all of it. We don't share much, never had. So no real need to explain it to him. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
weijiangling Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 I'm glad it went well with your mom! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
trooper17t Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 @AssassinBabs I'm so glad it went well! I don't know if there is really ever such thing as a good time. Same thing happened to me with my mom. She was literally driving me back to my apartment when I came out because I couldn't hold it in anymore and I knew my next chance to do it in person wouldn't be for a while. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AssassinBabs Posted October 21, 2017 Author Share Posted October 21, 2017 Okay, today I tolled my sister, her husband, my father and his girlfriend about me being Ace. And later I had a little discussion with my father and sister, that it might not be due to my attachment issues, or that I don't feel happy and saying that I am an Ace is related to that. And I explained a little about demi-aro, not mentioned the name but I said something like that I could be able to be attached to someone, but only after I really know them. And the butterflies in my stomach thingy. They took it very well, my sister certainly! She said she wasn't surprised for me to say something like that. My dad of course asking questions. Same for his girlfriend who hadn't heard of the asexual orientation before. But I am glad they asked about it, and how I feel about it, and what it means to me. So that went pretty well! Now every important person in my life knows about it. So I hope they won't ask questions about me coming home with someone any time soon! Pff glad that it is over! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TheAP Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 That's great that it went well! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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