Erections

[Asexy_beast]

Hi everybody, 

I was just having some reflections about a recent encounter I had with a close friend.  I'm a 19yr old male and I usually identify as a straight romantic asexual.  (This is mostly due to the fact that I am not really turned on by visuals of breasts or butts or vaginas) This last summer, I was lying down with a female friend and we were getting pretty close. After giving her back massage, I leaned over and kissed her. I wanted to kiss her because I like kissing.  Things started to intensify. (BTW she is one of the only people who knew about my identity) She asked if it was true that I never masturbated.  I said up until a few weeks before. This was true, as I had never really felt the desire to touch myself until earlier this summer. (I found I could only watch like foot fetish stuff in order to climax as thats the only thing thats ever sexually stimulated me about a girl) Eventually, she tried giving me a handjob. however, I could not for the life of me get an erection.  Then she tried a footjob, then even a blow job. I know that once a penis is erect, just doing the motions should be enough to reach climax eventually, right?  However, I just wish I could get an erection and sustain it on command like that.  The only time I got erect was when she lightly caressed my body (almost like a tickle) and I got stimulated.  But then it just went down as she was trying to get me to finish. This was as far as I've gone with a girl and I hope some day to master the "fake-it-til-you-make-it" attitude so I can have sex with girls.  

 

This encounter really got me thinking about erections in general.  Can I give myself one on command?  I can when I'm alone, that's for sure. Was the pressure to not disappoint too much? Are we able to masturbate successfully without visual stimulation like porn?  I've tried once recently and I couldn't do it. I felt like I needed visual stimulation of feet or something. 

 

I think my biggest question ultimately is even though I'm not stimulated by nudity, can I still manage to get erect and finish while a girl is either giving me any type of job or during sex? This is important to me as I really would like to just be as normal as possible. 

 

Anyways, thank you for listening to me.  I appreciate it.

[Zacharie]

It's happen to me before too. I think all of it is just mental. You have to practice if that's what you want, you can get erections by only thinking about the stuff that you like but yeah... it's hard to concentrate and try to use your imagination just like that. It would be nice to also have a friend to help you. If you have this girl that you trust on and is willing to help you can both try different things and see what works for you. Start slow and do some pre like you said, massages, talking about the things you like, footwork even. 

 

It it took me some time too to fake it, but with the help of my friend we both got something in the end.

[Belisarius T]

Yeah that can be difficult. Quite similar to you, I find my girlfriend very attractive but am actively turned off by the idea of penetrative sex, or really anything going on with my genitals that involves anyone except me! Getting an erection in the first place isn't a problem for me, the problem starts when she tries to do anything with it! 

 

Not sure that mechanical repetition will really do the job if your heart(brain)'s not in it. Or maybe it could in theory, but keeping the erection for long enough is difficult in that case. Of course this is not just an asexual problem, but can affect men with fully active libido and strong sexual desire, if they suffer from a bad case of "performance anxiety" - the more you consciously think about keeping it up, the quicker it goes down, so to speak! 

 

I also like a nice pair of feet, and when indulging I've had a bit more luck if I keep at least some of my clothes on, it somehow reduces the "ick" factor of direct skin to skin contact "down there"! (Though that may not be an issue for you)

[Brownace]

Hi Asexy_beast,

 

I do not really have an advice about how to get an erection on command so you can have sex with your girlfriend, but I felt the need to share something. As people in the Asexual spectrum, we might feel behaving in a sexual way will make us "normal", "good." But, I think it is important for us to ask ourselves if we feel sexual attraction or if we want to feel sexual attraction we lack, because if the case is the latter, you might be just trying to fit a narrative that is not your actual orientation, and that can be harmful. I know we get messages everyday that might make us feel broken for not being a certain way, but we are not broken, we are just us. So, just be you! Trying to be the perfect man/boyfriend/etc... sometimes can be harmful, specially if that goes against your identity.

 

Cheers!

[will123]

On 9/30/2017 at 8:40 AM, Zacharie said:

It's happen to me before too. I think all of it is just mental. You have to practice if that's what you want, you can get erections by only thinking about the stuff that you like but yeah... it's hard to concentrate and try to use your imagination just like that. It would be nice to also have a friend to help you. If you have this girl that you trust on and is willing to help you can both try different things and see what works for you. Start slow and do some pre like you said, massages, talking about the things you like, footwork even. 

 

It it took me some time too to fake it, but with the help of my friend we both got something in the end.

I was able to orgasm like this once about 20 years ago. The effort just wasn't worth the effort as far as I was concerned. I only tried it the one time.