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Is it easier to loose or keep your virginity?


Guest nubianeurope

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Guest nubianeurope

"Effort-Wise" i.e. are people more inclined to have sex easier when they grow into adulthood or would the struggle or finding a relationship and social challenges make them less interested.

 

The common sense answer would be that it depends on the individual and I guess so but reading people, specifically men vent online compared to what happens in real life leaves me with some confusion.

 

 I see from my old classmates, everyone has lost their virginity before 21, even those who were deemed "weird" and since this was in a single sex school, that can be considered an achievement and in general, the younger kids in my school who are probably too young for that still have girlfriends. Even in my further education class, it's only me and another guy who don't have current friends, never been in a relationship, or never even kissed a girl. He's admitted though that he's lost his virginity and only has one or two friends so I'm probably worse off.

 

The internet is a different kettle of fish altogether. You see a lot of people who are in the same situation as me. People  claim that ther greater and global audience of people you meet is responsible for that but even on national forums, I see so many people in the same town as me complain of being virgins and involuntarily friendless yet my real life experiences seem to point otherwise.

 

What I find truly funny about this world is that on the other side of the continent, my cousins parents  threatened to kick him out because he was an A student with slipping grades and now started getting "too close" to his new female friend whereas, I'm a below average student and I don't think I even have the money to pay a prostitute for 30 minutes. ^_^

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Galactic Turtle

Having sex takes effort and at least one other person. Not having sex doesn't take effort and involves just you. So I think staying a virgin is easier. 

 

I still get confused when my friends say they accidentally slept with their ex or something. Like how does one accidentally fall on erect external genitalia repeatedly?

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From my experience, most people complaining about virginity (both on- and offline) tend to refer to a stable relationship (or, in the eyes of some people, a 'means for repeated sexual encounters') as opposed to a one-time act of sex. And getting a relationship is significantly more difficult than losing one's virginity, at least for the average person.

 

Focusing just on virginity, likely the response to your question isn't just that it depends on the person, but that whichever state comes naturally is the easier one to sick with. Which is better than the other way around, at least.

A sexual virgin who is desperate for a sexual encounter (i.e. not necessarily a relationship) doesn't only have plenty of ways to get that - from forming relationships to forming 'friends-with-benefits' to paying a prostitute - but most likely also the internal drive to seek one or more of these options out. It would strike me as peculiar for a person like that to find keeping their virginity to be more difficult than losing it. If they do, it would either be because they have standards that surpass the 'mere' loss of virginity, or because they aren't all that keen to lose their virginity to begin with.

Similarly, a non-sexual virgin is proportionally unlikely to seek out any sexual encounters. Not all non-sexual people intend to guard their virginity on principle, however, so it is entirely possible that they might chance upon a situation where a sexual encounter offers itself and they yield to it. Even so, for a non-sexual person, keeping their virginity is only really 'difficult' if they have some curiosity about sex or suffer inhibiting external pressures (ranging from peer pressure to outright rape). So, funnily enough, unless they are positively sex-averse, extremely anti-social or highly principled regarding the matter, it's probably easier for even the non-sexual people to lose their virginity as opposed to keeping it - whether or not they actually do.

 

As such, if I were forced to give a straight answer, I would say that it is generally easier to lose one's virginity given the considerations above - even accounting for asexuality, and even bearing in mind that, in more ways than one, having sex is significantly more complicated than simply not having it.

 

Which strikes me as a little counter-intuitive, especially as a non-sexual virgin myself.

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For me personally having any sort of relationship gets more difficult the older you get, since there is more pressure from everywhere (myself, the society, and the potential partner) for the relationship in question to be not just serious and long-term, but actually lead to marriage or an equivalent situation (living together, probably at least somewhat shared finances, maybe getting children). So if one is only interested in having sex with someone they are in a relationship with the longer they wait the harder it will get. I'm not sure of how one night stands or other non-relationship sex would work, as I don't really understand things like that. But I could see people wondering if there was something "wrong" with a person who remains a virgin at relatively "old" age, as most sexuals (expect saving-myself-for-marriage types) seem to start having sex in their late teens or at least early 20s.

 

I also think there is a big sex difference here: women seem to get propositioned for casual sex much more often for example at parties, clubs or bars so even an older female virgin might find more opportunities to have sex. And of course it depends on whether you're trying to lose your virginity: it is a person's decision to have or not have sex (except in cases of rape, but I don't think anyone would wish to get raped for the purpose of losing their virginity). So if you're not actively trying to have sex, it is very easy to remain virgin.

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everywhere and nowhere

It also depends on a person's standards: some people just don't accept sex without emotional commitment. And really, is having such standards something wrong?

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Don't forget - taking part in partnered sexual activity is a desire that the vast majority of folks just develops over time. If you develop that urge, it's much harder to fight it for an extended period of time than to follow it. Ever tried holding back a piss for five hours?

 

Of course if you don't develop that urge in the first place, remaining a virgin is as easy as one two three. Just don't do something you're not interested in anyway.

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15 minutes ago, swirl_of_blue said:

I also think there is a big sex difference here: women seem to get propositioned for casual sex much more often for example at parties, clubs or bars so even an older female virgin might find more opportunities to have sex.

I would also say that, on average, a willing female non-sexual person would have to be more principled not to lose their virginity than a wiling male non-sexual would. How big the difference actually is, however, I couldn't say. Mainstream opinion and some limited personal experiences certainly seem to suggest that men seek out sexual encounters (with women or men) more frequently than women do, but I have heard some opinions state that this stance isn't as reflective of reality as one might be prone to believe.

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39 minutes ago, Homer said:

Of course if you don't develop that urge in the first place, remaining a virgin is as easy as one two three. Just don't do something you're not interested in anyway.

Yeah, that's me... I left that thrill-seeking mentality behind with my druggie days.

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2 hours ago, Galactic Turtle said:

Having sex takes effort and at least one other person. Not having sex doesn't take effort and involves just you. So I think staying a virgin is easier. 

 

I still get confused when my friends say they accidentally slept with their ex or something. Like how does one accidentally fall on erect external genitalia repeatedly?

This is exactly what I think about the matter lol

I think staying a virgin must be easier, at least technically, because sex usually requires more than one person and time and effort. Not having sex requires literally nothing; you just have to not engage in active sexual activity.

 

I dunno, I think this isn't exactly what you meant by the question, but this is just my opinion.

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