Plectrophenax Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 3 hours ago, Quasar.w said: What you say makes sense, maybe the thing is that I don't understand why having sex has to be that first step. I mean... it's the most obvious thing but Idk... It's just hard to emphatize with something I've never experienced/had interest in (no matter how many comparisons I come up with I still fail at this every time). But I'm going to try wrapping my mind around this (again)... Yes, it is awfully difficult. I can only talk using comparisons and conceptualisations but, ultimately, I have no clue about how any of this actually feels. Properly emphasizing with sexuals and sexual desire has proven effectively impossible for me, which is the main reason I sense alienation on a fairly regular basis - and why it's helpful to know about AVEN and be in the presence of people who are similar or the same as me in this regard. It's worth trying, though. Best of luck with that Link to post Share on other sites
Rhaenys Posted October 9, 2017 Share Posted October 9, 2017 On 27/09/2017 at 5:51 AM, Visenya said: I haven't watched the video yet, but I just wanted to say that I wish I could print the quote above, and show it to those people who still insist that women are praised for being virgins, as if we still lived in the 1920s. And the "funny" part is that most people who say that complain about slut-shaming and are willing to fight against it, but don't ever expect them to stand up against prude-shaming! This is why I have trust issues... On the bright side, though, I'm really glad that Aven exists, because, as a "prudish" sexual, it's the only place I was able to find some acceptance and understanding. Pretty much why I don't get involved or defend people who are against slut shaming cause many times they are the ones putting virgins, celebates, people like myself who are ok with being prude down. Anyway It's nobody's business who they sleep and do not sleep with it. I do not know why others make that their business then shame people. Another thing I cannot understand is virginity = innocent. I'm a virgin yet I've had bad spells with campus drug culture, I've injured people to protect my younger sibling and I am an abuse victim. I am not innocent. Link to post Share on other sites
Strange But Not a Stranger Posted October 9, 2017 Share Posted October 9, 2017 It's nobody's business at all, IMHO. Yet when I was in a relationship, certain people kept asking me "Have you had sex yet?". I don't understand how it's anybody's business if I have slept with anyone or not. It almost pressured me into doing things I didn't really want to do. It's really difficult to understand why it's such a big deal to people. I've since decided to never mention my virginity to anyone ever again. I don't feel like being made fun of forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Groobly Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 What a great video. I couldn't agree more. God, the amount of times I've lied in my life about being a virgin. No fucking more, though. I'm new to asexuality, but it's made me a lot more confident with who I am, even the parts about myself I'm not supposed to like. I hope we can move towards a more truly sex-positive society, and that includes not caring at all about what someone's doing or not doing in their sex life. Link to post Share on other sites
checkerboard Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 On 09/10/2017 at 4:46 PM, Fifi123 said: It's nobody's business at all, IMHO. Yet when I was in a relationship, certain people kept asking me "Have you had sex yet?". I don't understand how it's anybody's business if I have slept with anyone or not. It almost pressured me into doing things I didn't really want to do. It's really difficult to understand why it's such a big deal to people. I've since decided to never mention my virginity to anyone ever again. I don't feel like being made fun of forever. Same. Link to post Share on other sites
ben8884 Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 Very few people ask me these days I guess because I am at a age that people assume I am not? I am a virgin and I am OK with it. Link to post Share on other sites
AussieIsAce Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 its so crazy to me that people just fuck now without caring at all. My grandma couldn't even kiss my grandpa when they we engaged because that was too sinful. My mother waited till she was married to have sex. and now my brother brings a new girl home every week and has loud sex that i have to hear at 2am. Even my female cousin has sex with different guys all the time. Im 18 and Ace so i just dont understand how putting your body in someone elses body can be fun, but what i can see is that people are having too much sex without caring. When did being naked with someone became so casual...When did shagging happen before asking for there name...how can you sleep with someone without knowing what there last name is. My mates told me if there partner (person they wanna fuck) doesn't put out they dont bother trying and just move on. Maybe im just an old soul but i find the idea of someone just shagging random people without having some from of love between them to be so unnecessary. Like for real. Just go touch yourself. Virginity easy for me because i have no real sexual desire. But for the sexual people i reckon they need to thinking about what sex means to them. I was taught it was special. Btw im not religious i just have opinions Link to post Share on other sites
AussieIsAce Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 if being a 80 year old virgin is wrong i dont wanna be right Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 1 hour ago, miettaisace said: if being a 80 year old virgin is wrong i dont wanna be right Thumbs up and... Link to post Share on other sites
checkerboard Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 1 hour ago, Nowhere Girl said: Thumbs up and... that cake looks absolutely amazing. Link to post Share on other sites
Tymki Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 I feel like, as a 25 year old virgin, I'm on the border between virginity being seen as "cute and innocent" to "weird - what's wrong with you?". But the thing is that I don't want to change soon. I mean, I do want to have a family, so I'll take the normal approach to making it happen. But first I would need a partner who I have an attraction to. And so far, that person hasn't appeared yet. My relationships in the past have all happened because I've convinced myself that I love that other person, and it's ruined any friendships that I had with them. So now I'm just waiting for someone to come along, who I have that special bond with. No point rushing it. Part of me is really proud of being a virgin, another part of me feels like I'm missing out on this huuuuge secret and this whole door to another world full of different experiences. But idk, I did have a sexual encounter in the past (foreplay), but for me, the best word to describe it was... boring. There's, like, a million other things I'd rather do. I don't know if that's just because it was my... first...? time, but as for now, I'd rather eat cake. Link to post Share on other sites
checkerboard Posted October 26, 2017 Share Posted October 26, 2017 I got a smear test invitation in today. I hate those. “You’ve not had an appointment!” and “Anyone who has ever had sex should get checked!”... “Do not ignore your appointment” in bold or aggresive tones. It’s like a mailing list I wish they had an option for. They could save a lot of paper. Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 An examination by this kind of doctor is something absolutely terrifying to me. I have never visited a g. doctor and I literally feel like I would die on the spot if I brought myself to it. This is WAY stronger than my sex aversion, it's terrifying, repulsive and hatred-inducing to the extreme. Trying to imagine it makes me want to cry and scream. But, realistically speaking, I don't even think that this particular test would be possible to perform in a virgin with a microperforate vaginal corona (supposed new name for the hymen and I really love it - finally some positive name for a little body part which was only valued in discourses which didn't value women at all, and in those which value women it is, unfortunately, believed not to exist in adult women...). Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 On 9/27/2017 at 8:26 AM, Galactic Turtle said: Oddly enough is that I never got the memo that being a virgin was a bad thing. In high school I assumed people were making up their sexual experiences just to somehow "sound cool." Kind of like people think smoking a cigarette makes them "look cool." Of course then in college the questions turned from "have you done it" to "who have you done it with?" Then all of a sudden everyone else thinks I'm the one making stuff up! Funny how things change. I wouldnt say that things change. More like people never stop being hypocrites. Link to post Share on other sites
Fighting_For_Us Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 One thing I never thought about having to deal with is hitting a point where many of my friends have lost their virginity, but I haven't. I've never had an interest in sex, or romance for that matter, but according to some of my friends it's 'weird' that I haven't at least tried to have a sexual encounter before I graduate highschool. I'll be a legal adult AND graduate next May, and I'm perfectly happy moving on to that stage of my life without having sex. Hell, (am I allowed to say that?) I'm happy even though I've never been in a serious relationship. But the way I see it it's my body. My space. My decision. They have their own body to make their own decisions with. I still don't understand why you'd want to lose your virginity just for the sake of social expectations. Link to post Share on other sites
ChillaKilla Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 23 minutes ago, GreyLlama said: One thing I never thought about having to deal with is hitting a point where many of my friends have lost their virginity, but I haven't. I've never had an interest in sex, or romance for that matter, but according to some of my friends it's 'weird' that I haven't at least tried to have a sexual encounter before I graduate highschool. I'll be a legal adult AND graduate next May, and I'm perfectly happy moving on to that stage of my life without having sex. Hell, (am I allowed to say that?) I'm happy even though I've never been in a serious relationship. But the way I see it it's my body. My space. My decision. They have their own body to make their own decisions with. I still don't understand why you'd want to lose your virginity just for the sake of social expectations. Hey, I'm sexual and I didn't have any experiences in high school It's really not uncommon Link to post Share on other sites
ChillaKilla Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 Both sides over-hype virginity way too much. Yeah, I've had sex. Big freakin' whoop, who cares? I'm no different than I was before, so why act like your (general "you") first time is some big, life-altering event, for the better or worse? Link to post Share on other sites
Kersenne Posted November 2, 2017 Share Posted November 2, 2017 Love the video, thank you for sharing it I had sex for exactly that reason - I thought something was wrong with me because I was still a virgin when everyone around me talked about their sex lives, so I had sex just to have it out of the way (and that's really how I thought about it). I did all kind of sexual things just to have them out of the way, like checking things on a to do list... just to feel "normal", to fit in with my friends and society in general. Well it's a relief to finally accept that I'm asexual and that it's fine to not want to have sex, ever!! Link to post Share on other sites
Haze. Posted November 14, 2017 Share Posted November 14, 2017 I like that video. I get looked down upon and called innocent when I tell people I'm ace, and I can make dirty jokes with the best of them (or close, anyways...). I don't understand where having sex makes you more mature than someone who hasn't... I understand sex very well; it's not like I'm uneducated on it and thus 'innocent.' Sometimes I find it amusing, but most of the time I'm just annoyed when people like my cousin and certain "friends" of mine act kind of condescending, especially when anything sexual is brought up. I'm not even uncomfortable talking about it, and I know what they're talking about, so it's not like... ugh... I can't describe this... whatever. Minus the explanation: I don't like being treated like I'm innocent just because people know I'm ace or a virgin (or even because I'm Christian). It gets incredibly annoying. Link to post Share on other sites
checkerboard Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 They’re really promoting smear tests right now here, advertisements on TV and always pointing out how many younger people are not going to the tests. Makes me really uncomfortable because I am one of those statistics, but it clearly says on the leaflet they send out that you only need to go if you’ve had sex. I feel so uncomfortable every time the advert comes on. Link to post Share on other sites
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