Jump to content

HELP!! Am I gray ace or something else?


6luehoodie

Recommended Posts

I identified as Panromantic for a very long time, and recently, I found out I was gray ace. For me, I said I was ace because I felt some sexual attraction but I'd never would want to act on it. Recently I've been feeling as though I'm not ace at all? Or at least I'm confused about my sexuality again. 

 

For starters, I feel guilty or not worthy enough to be calling myself gray ace. I have a close friend who's ace and all of our friends seems to only acknowledge that she's the ace pal out of the group? Which is wrong because I'm here too.  On top of that, my ex was suuuper sexually active. Literally anything I did turned her on which was a nuisance since sex isn't all that great to me. I told her I was gray ace and she was really supportive, however, during sexual tension between us (often one sided, her being the one who's aroused) we'd get intimate but I would feel incredibly uncomfortable. I loved her and I didn't understand why I felt like this. She would push to go farther but I'd make up excuses to get out of sex, which resulted in her being slightly upset. During intimacy, I would feel aroused but also be either guilty or grossed out. On top of that, we'd have phone sex, she would call me while masturbating and I didn't do anything lol I just kinda... sat there... I felt weirded out but didnt have the guts to tell her to stop. Please don't tell me to try to masturbate,,, I hate the very thought of me doing it and I would feel disgusted with my body. It's def  okay if you do it, but I'm not into it. Anyway, I am definitely sex repulsed since sex grosses me out but I still feel some sort of sexual attraction? Even if I do feel attraction I have literally zero desire to act on it. I can also become aroused by reading stories or seeing pictures, but again, feeling arousement makes me feel dirty. I take a shower right away but that feeling of detachment from my body is still there? I don't know.. could someone please help figuring out where I'm on the sexual spectrum? 

 

TLDR; I'm sex repulsed, I can become sexually aroused but I loathe the feeling of it, and I don't think I'm good enough to be any sort of ace. Please help me,,

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ok so I had to do some research to try and help you, so I might be wrong about some things. Feel free to correct me. From what I've read you sound like you're definitely greysexual. You wouldn't be asexual because you can sometimes feel sexual attraction (key word there beim sometimes. And you aren't demisexual because you can become attracted to pictures and things without any connection formed.  It's good to keep in mind that Being sex repulsed or can be aroused doesn't determine if you are ace or not, it's wether or not you feel attraction sexually and if so how often. I can understand why you are questioning, but from the definitions I've read and the research I've done you seem to fit the definition of gray ace pretty well. I sometimes struggle with feeling guilty as well even though I fit the definition of asexual perfectly. In my case it has more to do with everyone saying that I can't be asexual or that asexuals don't exist. I don't know if that's the case for you or if it's about occasionally feeling sexual attraction. Either way it does not make you any less valid. I hope I could help

Link to post
Share on other sites

It sounds a little bit to me like your Lithosexual, but don't quote me on that. Basically Lithosexual is where you have sexual attraction towards someone, but you don't desire to act on those feelings. You can enjoy the idea of having sex with them (masturbation is entirely optional) but when it comes to doing it in person their sexual interest in you is a turn off.

I didnt really explain this very well, so I'm going to encourage you to look into it, but grey-ace does sound like an appropriate term too, if your more comfortable with that. No one will blame you for taking up a label, or choosing to change one for another. This site is about mutual self exploration and understanding, so don't be afraid to be yourself. :D

Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, 6luehoodie said:

ace and all of our friends seems to only acknowledge that she's the ace pal out of the group? Which is wrong because I'm here too.

speak up for yourself, say "hey I'm grey too"

 

it's kind of the same, but also kinda different ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what can we say really :unsure:

Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, 6luehoodie said:

During intimacy, I would feel aroused but also be either guilty or grossed out.

I recommend care with this as it could be something that people work through. I knew someone who was clearly sexual, but had a LOT of stigma about sex that made them very uncomfortable with it, and disgusted with themselves/their partner/the act. but they needed to work through it to be OK with their sexuality (they personally wanted that, and worked towards it. they found some growth in the few years I knew em, at college, but I haven't heard from them since - I assume they continued to overcome their stresses about sexuality)

 

so, of course, I do say - that there are many aces who are sex-repulsed - because, honestly, a significant aspect of asexuality for some folks is that sex doesn't really make sense for their body. whether or not this is repulsion or shame in any way or just - just sex not really feeling "correct", but otherwise being "neutral". so for you to say what you said here, does show a hint that you are ace/grey in some way. but it's up to you to determine - is this because of your orientation, or just needing to become more comfortable over time? and if it is your orientation, does this make you ace, or grey? there are a lot of things to consider, not just limited to my brief comments on the subject :unsure:

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, 6luehoodie said:

On top of that, my ex was suuuper sexually active. Literally anything I did turned her on which was a nuisance since sex isn't all that great to me. I told her I was gray ace and she was really supportive, however, during sexual tension between us (often one sided, her being the one who's aroused) we'd get intimate but I would feel incredibly uncomfortable. I loved her and I didn't understand why I felt like this. She would push to go farther but I'd make up excuses to get out of sex

I really  relate to this a lot. I had the same feelings and situations with my ex as well. I am sorry you had to go through this :( for me it also eventually involved what some may call abuse... I don't tho....  but it wasn't always that, only towards the end of the relationship... mostly it was me not knowing how to communicate my boundaries, and her not knowing how to respect them - as in, without pressuring me about it. I dunno how hard it was for you, but I hope if it was really hard for you like it did get at times for me, that you can recover from that stress quickly if you haven't yet.... :unsure: it's hard to deal with these kind of stresses IMO.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...