whatbethings Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 Hi, all. I've just recently started to question my sexuality and how I feel. By recently, I mean within the last couple of days. I honestly feel like I might be asexual, but like the title says, I just don't know. I'm 16, almost 17, and I have always thought of myself as straight. I've always liked the way that girls look. But now, I'm starting to realize, I think, that I am just appreciating beauty. I've never seen anything remotely sexual in someone's appearance. I've just thought, "wow, she looks good." I'm even more confused because I do have a libido. I think the hardest thing for me is figuring out what I'm actually attracted to. I have a fetish, and that tends to play a major role in the fantasies I have while I masturbate. In fact, I can't remember a time where I've gotten off without thinking about that thing. Sex has always had a minor role in my fantasies, and to be honest, I've never actually been able to picture the female...anatomy...accurately without immediately losing all interest. I guess the whole point of this rant is to get this whole thing off my back. I'd really appreciate any advice you guys have for me. Thanks in advance! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TheAP Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 Welcome! Having a libido or a fetish doesn't necessarily mean you're not asexual. You might very well be, but only you can decide what you are. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 Welcome, you certainly sound ace, with your lack of sexual attraction to others. Having a libido, fetishes/kinks and experiencing aesthetic/romantic/sensual attraction don't stop you from being ace. It is literally just the lack of sexual attraction to others. Don't worry about immediately taking the label, it's your choice whether or not you identify as asexual, but no one will complain if you do or don't or even change it to something more appropriate later. It's about finding something that works for you, to help describe how you feel. As a teen myself I know that hormones are a But the most important thing is for you to feel comfortable with yourself. No pressure, no expectations, just whatever you want out of life. Also,cake 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
whatbethings Posted September 26, 2017 Author Share Posted September 26, 2017 Thanks for the replies, everyone! I really appreciate all the help. The one thing, though, that really confuses me is what exactly sexual attraction is. Does it mean I start picturing someone naked when I see them? Sorry if you've seen these questions before. I'm just really confused about this whole thing, since one moment I feel like, "Oh yeah, I don't want to have sex because I can't focus on it in a fantasy," and then other times I feel like "I'm so horny, I just need release." I'm thinking I could be gray ace, maybe??? Again, sorry for my confused rambling. It just feels good to get this off my back. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
binary suns Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 On 9/25/2017 at 7:06 PM, whatbethings said: Hi, all. I've just recently started to question my sexuality and how I feel. By recently, I mean within the last couple of days. I honestly feel like I might be asexual, but like the title says, I just don't know. I'm 16, almost 17, and I have always thought of myself as straight. I've always liked the way that girls look. But now, I'm starting to realize, I think, that I am just appreciating beauty. I've never seen anything remotely sexual in someone's appearance. I've just thought, "wow, she looks good." I'm even more confused because I do have a libido. I think the hardest thing for me is figuring out what I'm actually attracted to. I have a fetish, and that tends to play a major role in the fantasies I have while I masturbate. In fact, I can't remember a time where I've gotten off without thinking about that thing. Sex has always had a minor role in my fantasies, and to be honest, I've never actually been able to picture the female...anatomy...accurately without immediately losing all interest. I guess the whole point of this rant is to get this whole thing off my back. I'd really appreciate any advice you guys have for me. Thanks in advance! imo nothing about this post to me implies that you couldn't be ace. I couldn't determine anyone's orientation except my own as it's hugely dependent on one's personal experiences that language really doesn't cover precisely... but if you told me you were ace, from this post I wouldn't doubt it seems to fit IMO! I suppose it could be possible that something about the way your libido behaves or the way your kink is might make you grey or something, but from what you've said here I wouldn't suspect that. I'm not asking you to share tho of course xD I actually don't feel comfortable with that level of detail myself really. Generally speaking, if it seems like you are getting aroused because of a person, like consistently, I might wonder if you might be grey - tho some folk disagree with me on where the line is drawn between ace and grey..... also, if you want partnered contact in any way to assist or accent your arousal experience, then I'd say that experience would make someone grey. again, everything you said in your opening post tho, implies to me ace is quite plausible Quote Link to post Share on other sites
roland.o Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 On 9/27/2017 at 0:58 AM, whatbethings said: The one thing, though, that really confuses me is what exactly sexual attraction is. Read through the forums, you'll find many more people with the exact same question. But there is no one, true answer. Some people consider things sexual which others view as sensual, so the attractions overlap to some degree. http://wiki.asexuality.org/Attraction If you ever meet someone and feel a desire to be alone, naked, and horny with that person, it's reasonably safe to say that you're experiencing sexual attraction. Anything short of that... it depends ;-) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 A little comic to cover the basics. It might help, but it also looks really good, and explains in pictures rather than words the concept of desiring sex... kinda? https://secondlina.deviantart.com/art/Sketchcomic-types-of-Attraction-298804729 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
whatbethings Posted September 29, 2017 Author Share Posted September 29, 2017 Thanks for the comment, Lichley! I think it helps to be able to see descriptions side by side. I'm pretty sure at this point that I'm ace, because I've never had an urge to get naked with someone. I've definitely looked at other threads on this site, and they were a big help. Thanks everyone for helping me to figure myself out! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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