Is it acceptable to have a girl name and go by he/him?

[Lirpaderp]

Is it acceptable to have a "girl" name and go by he/him?

 

My name doesn't bother me much, but being seen as a girl does. I'm still very much in the denial phase, but being called he/him feels good. I've also had to describe to many family members that while I wear boy clothes and have short hair and have boy mannerisms and wore a tux to prom, those things don't mean I'm not a girl or a lesbian. While those traits can be present in girls, that is not the case for me.

 

All I know is I'm not a girl. I had to show proof to other family members that other AFAB's (I told them females) went to prom in suits before they stopped bothering me about it.

 

Anyway, back to the original question, how off putting is it to be he/him with a girl name? It feels right, but I'm afraid of other people's reactions.

[breezey]

If it feels right, go for it! It's your name, your choice. Many people name their children names that dont fit the sex of the child, but people may react oddly. Just keep asserting yourself and telling people that you use he/him even if that doesn't match your name. If your friends really can't cope with it, they probably weren't your friends anyway. Go with what will make you happy.

[litanies]

The only thing making it a "girl" name is that it has been largely used as one by the culture.  Use it yourself if you like it, and you will start to turn it into more than just a "girl" name.  Don't let society tell you what something is or means.  Reshape society through your will.

[Philip027]

Pretty sure that's something only you can answer.  For some it would be offputting enough to warrant a name change, others might not give a rat's ass.  You'll probably turn a head or three, but again, how much that bothers you would be up to individual basis.

[Perilous Poozer]

Ask any dude named Meredith, Aubrey or Tracey! You do you, you might get a few questions at first, but people will get over the initial disruption 😊

[Philip027]

Quote

Ask any dude named Meredith, Aubrey or Tracey! You do you, you might get a few questions at first, but people will get over the initial disruption 😊

Only one of those I know is a fictional character, and with him it was obviously intended as a pun

 

Willing to bet it's the exact same "only entity I know in this group" for several other people here too.

 

[Nirnroot]

Honestly...do whatever you want. It sounds like your family is pretty conservative, but most modern people won't care. They might think it's interesting, but I don't think people will care. But either way, do whatever you want. It's your life, man. 

[arekathevampyre]

agreeing with @Happy Halloween here !!

[quietcrayon]

I think its silly the way we gave names genders really. I hope as a society we'll eventually be able to accept that gender and things and not just black and white? But anyway, I'm sure if you present masculine and go by a 'girl' name, people will question it, but they'll get over it. Do what makes you comfortable.

 

I present myself fairly neutrally and use all pronouns, but most people still assume a I'm girl, my legal name is Michelle, but I go by 'Mitch' usually, which is also a 'guys name' so, people are surprised (even though I'm agender). Eventually it doesn't bother them.

[Zsareph]

There will be people who find it odd but that can be said for anything that isn't considered "normal". The only potential issue is some people may still see you as a girl based on your name and that could lead to you disliking it, but if you're fine with your name now then I see no reason to change it.

[Perilous Poozer]

2 hours ago, Philip027 said:

Only one of those I know is a fictional character, and with him it was obviously intended as a pun

 

Willing to bet it's the exact same "only entity I know in this group" for several other people here too.

 

I don't know my anime beyond Studio Ghibli and Death Note sorry.

I've known a couple of male Tracey's, both much older guys (born 1930s-40s). Meredith was originally a welsh name used for males only. Also too Evelyn Waugh (I forgot him!). I have a male cousin called Christie (not a nickname). All this even living in a country with laws relating to what you can name your kids! .I really don't think names matter much once you know the individuals.

[Philip027]

https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Tracey_Sketchit

 

He draws Pokemon, basically.

[banoffeepie]

Your name's been with you for a long time it's special. In a world full of searching for stable things your name is something you should always feel at home with.

However I think that some people underestimate the degree to which people are unsettled by their normal frame of reference being challenged. Just small things like a boy with a girl's name can rattle people who never asked to become part of someone else's identity struggle.

 

Now if they're nice people you just have to give them a little bit of space and time to adjust and they will, quite happily.

I wouldn't judge them based on their initial reaction. Stick to your guns but expect to have to repeat your name to a lot of people who go 'Sorry? .. What?'

[Emery.]

Why not? I used he pronouns before deciding on a name. My birth name is obviously feminine. 

 

Is your family homophobic? Transphobic?

[ChillaKilla]

For sure! One of my classmates does the same thing and his birth name is undeniably feminine.

[Lichley]

Be yourself, screw what the others say, your name your choice. 

[vmdraco]

I get what you mean; it's not unusual.  I don't think it's a bad thing or make you less of a guy if you go by a traditionally feminine name.  I know of some mtf folk on support groups that go by their "male" names like John and yet they are cis-passing.  If I was told your name without seeing you though I would unfortunately assume lol  But if your name is like, idk Alexis, then that could be taken as a gender neutral name.

 

I personally don't have an issue with my birth name (and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know what that is), but despite it not bothering me I don't like it being used to refer to me.  I do want to change it because it would be really awkward if someone called me "birth name" and then when they meet me I look masc as fuck and spent years on T with facial hair lol

[daveb]

Beverly was originally also a man's name. Many names are like that. They started out being used for one gender and somehow crossed over, usually becoming gender neutral for a while in between. Although, it seems to happen much more often with male names transitioning over to female names. The actress who played the mother on the old tv show, The Waltons, was named Michael. I'm sure she was never mis-gendered in person. I know various people who have names that are used for both men and women but often lean more one way or the other and so they get mistaken for the wrong gender in written communications and other places where there aren't seen or heard. And sometimes have to deal with confused people in person, too.

 

I guess my point is your name is your right and your choice. Going against the grain as it were will probably get you misgendered or mis-pronouned, but if you're okay with dealing with that (whether it's putting up with it, constantly correcting people, etc.) then go for it. Best wishes!

[Polygon]

Your name's yours, and so is your preference of pronouns. Those aren't in any way mandated by other people. 

 

At the absolute worst, someone might think in their head "Huh, didn't expect that to be his name". 

[Guest]

Acceptable to who?

 

It's your name. Tons of men have female names out there, and there are tons of mainstream female names that are stereotypically masculine in origin.

 

I mean, it's your legal name so your legal right to use it.

 

If it is bothersome due to backlash, call yourself by your short form name.

 

However, a name change should only be done via your own decision to do so. Your name is your legal property.

 

Someone can't take that from you, nor how you have always identified yourself as. Neither are your choices.

[Guest]

.

[litanies]

13 hours ago, Perilous Poozer said:

Ask any dude named Meredith, Aubrey or Tracey!

The first time I heard the name "Aubrey," it was for a guy, so I assumed it was a "guy" name, and was surprised when I heard it for a girl.  I think that demonstrates the silliness of believing there are "male" and "female" names.

[AnarchistTactician]

Well, for the longest time, one of my only friends was named Jesse. Verbally though, it sounds like Jessie. That's a feminine name technically, and while the spelling changes a tad, it doesn't matter.

[Lirpaderp]

9 minutes ago, litanies said:

The first time I heard the name "Aubrey," it was for a guy, so I assumed it was a "guy" name, and was surprised when I heard it for a girl.  I think that demonstrates the silliness of believing there are "male" and "female" names.

Yeah. I know somebody who thought my name was gender neutral. It's clearly feminine, and he was told that by everyone else in the group. But it's good to know that not all people think it's a girl name. I like my name, it fits me. I'm not a girl, that's my name, therefore it's not a girl name. Lucky for me, I don't know anybody else with my name.

[Lirpaderp]

You're all helpful and supportive. Do you have any idea how less accepting people will react (mainly conservative family members)? And also, any tips to dealing with them?

[litanies]

2 hours ago, Lirpaderp said:

I like my name, it fits me. I'm not a girl, that's my name, therefore it's not a girl name.

This reminds me of the issue with the notion of a transgender "man stuck in a woman's body" for example.  Even if the man wants to transition, the body he is in is his body.  So it is not a woman's body--it is a man's body--just not the ideal one for him.  But this is a confusing concept for people who cannot relate to it directly.  The bottom line is that you define your attributes--they do not define you.

 

1 hour ago, Lirpaderp said:

Do you have any idea how less accepting people will react (mainly conservative family members)? And also, any tips to dealing with them?

You might get some tedious reactions.  In general when people get stuck up over something like this, the most efficient reaction I think is to laugh it off, even make a joke about it.  Don't get drawn into a pointless argument with a close-minded person.  Be confident and brush it off.  Get them to refocus on your confidence.  I'd only have a serious dialogue with someone if you think they actually have a brain in their head.

[litanies]

As an anecdote, the female main character in the new Star Trek: Discovery is named Michael.  For whatever reason, Bryan Fuller has had female characters with "male" names in lots of his series: George in Dead like Me, Chuck in Pushing Daisies, Jaye (gender neutral) in Wonderfalls.  I'd wager the average audience member doesn't blink at it past the first episode of any of his shows.  

[Mezzo Forte]

My birth name is one of the most unmistakably female names that exists in the Western world, and one friend told me that in his culture, many people would have probably assumed that my birth name was simply my Saint's Name, especially because of my gender-neutral middle name.

 

That said, when you're more ambiguous, your name may be what tips the scales in regards to passing. During my most ambiguous phases, the name I chose to go by completely dictated the gender people perceived me as. If you are okay with that potential drawback, there's nothing wrong with keeping a feminine name.

[Lirpaderp]

I won't know until I try. My problem is what if it bothers me? I've been thinking about it for a while but I have no alternate name.

[Emery.]

3 hours ago, Lirpaderp said:

I won't know until I try. My problem is what if it bothers me? I've been thinking about it for a while but I have no alternate name.

Then you'll back off if it bothers you. You'll say that you though you'd thought he pronouns would feel better. No problem with that