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asexuality - a continuum?


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when I met the guy who I later married, I was certainly attracted to him sexually. During our 30 year marriage, we had very regular sex which I was happy to have, though it was more important to him than to me. I really enjoyed the cuddles and affection much more. Unfortunately he died young, aged 57, about 17 years ago and it is my feelings during these last 17 years that have made me question my sexuality. Although I love company and love to go out with other people, I cannot form a relationship with anyone else because the idea of having sex with anyone else totally turns me off! I have been feeling increasingly like an outsider - someone really unusual. Why am I (apparently) the only relatively young widow who hasn't looked for or found another partner? When I heard the iPM programme today on Radio 4, bells started chiming! What people were saying was exactly what I felt. I want company but not a sexual relationship. Although I have experienced sexual attraction, it seems with me to have been a 'one off'. Could it be that asexuality is a continuum and not an 'either or'. I'd love to hear what people think...

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Hello Jessie, welcome to these forums. Have some cake :cake: :-)

 

I think it's generally accepted around here that sexuality is a spectrum, with asexuality at the dark end. Calling asexuality a spectrum, however, usually leads to terminology discussions and "a point is not a spectrum" responses. So choose your wording carefully ;-)

 

Have you heard about demisexuality? There are different definitions in use, but they have in common that it takes a long time to connect with a potential partner to the point that you finally feel sexually attracted. There are other labels in the gray area of the spectrum, maybe some of them click with you. Here's an incomplete list:

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/123256-asexuality-sexual-orientation-lexicon-read-me/?do=findComment&comment=1061345333

 

Enjoy your time on AVEN!

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Welcome Jessie, I think roland could be correct, but Ive lost someone and personally I view relationships differently afterwards somtimes its difficult it imagine a similar relationship being possible

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