Quorri Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 Okay, so I've never really been the type of person who reaches out in forums or chat rooms to meet new people, so I figured that I'll it a try, but just this once. 😨 Hi, my name is Shelby, I'm a 22-year-old Christian-raised-but-not-fully-committed female. And I'm 99.99% sure that I'm some kind of asexual, even if I'm not quite sure which. I first heard about asexuality about 2 years ago from a post that I saw on Tumblr. It was a comic strip about a girl who didn't believe/think that she could be ace because of some reasons that I can't really recall (if I ever manage to find it I'll post the link) and a magical fairy told her more about asexuality and the different types and spectrums of it. Eventually, she discovered that she was a demiromantic. At the time I was not in the right head space to be questioning my sexual orientation so I pushed it to the back of my mind to think about later. Fast forward a year and a bit later: after a few months of counseling and sorting through a lot of my fears and hangups revolving around how my religion as well as how my family dynamic had affected my views on sex, sexuality, and relationships I realized that I was probably ace. That was about 8 months ago now, and after being able to reach out to an understanding and patience friend, I've finally decided to join the community. I had never really dated or been in a relationship before (I had taken a purity pledge at bible camp one year and was also trying to break my Moms side of the family's 3 generation long streak of high school pregnancies) so dating was something that I didn't really care about in high school. I mean sure, I had the occasional crush. But they almost always happened because the guy was nice to me, not because I found them physically attractive. (of course occasionally they were aesthetically pleasing, but that was a bonus than a necessity. It was more of a rarity now when I look back at it 😂) I have always loved cuddling and hand-holding. I've never really tried kissing (I've kissed one boy and it was the type of kiss that you give your grandma, it just gave me anxiety and felt really weird) so I'm neutral on it. The abstract thought of sex isn't too bad but that is the more romanticized/true show of love version. When I think of the actual mechanics of it I'm really uncomfortable and put off by the mere thought. If I actually had to do it right now I feel like I would pass out from having a panic attack over how much I don't want to do it. However, I do have a little bit of a not-really-kinda-sorta-sex drive, just not with other people... If any of you look at my profile you'll see that I'm not sure if I'm ace or demi. That is because I've never really tried dating, so I don't know if I would feel sexual attraction after forming an emotional bond. And I'll never know if I don't actually try. I love the idea of having a life partner, a companion to be with me through thick and thin. Someone to cuddle, and watch movies with! A person who I love, and who loves me back. At the moment this role is being filled by my cat and dog. But who knows? One day we might actually add another human into the mix! Right now I'm still trying to come to grips with this whole asexuality thing, it was really hard to accept at the beginning, but it's becoming a bit of a relief now. Hopefully one day, I'll figure it out. 😊 Link to post Share on other sites
TheAP Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message. Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. The following are also nifty links to take a look at: Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped! Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 Welcome! For the labels, just choose whatever is currently applicable, no one will blame you if you say your ace and turn out to be Demi or vice versa. The definition of asexuality is not having sexual desires towards another person, so you can still have a libido and masturbate and stuff, you just don't desire to have sex with other people. Take your time with the labels, you need time to get used to things. If you want I can give you some basic links on attraction and attraction labels, but for now I'll just send cake Link to post Share on other sites
Quorri Posted September 22, 2017 Author Share Posted September 22, 2017 Thanks for the cake, it looks delicious! And yes, I would really appreciate that. If you could send me the links it would be a big help. Link to post Share on other sites
Big J Posted September 23, 2017 Share Posted September 23, 2017 Welcome! I feel the same about being demi. I think I could, but I have never have had the situation arise. I just feel good knowing that asexual is a term that I fit into. Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted September 23, 2017 Share Posted September 23, 2017 https://secondlina.deviantart.com/art/Sketchcomic-types-of-Attraction-298804729 Pictured example of attraction types http://life-of-an-asexual.tumblr.com/post/102762643654/desires-for-relations-based-on-types-of-attraction List of basic attraction names https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tQVvVhe6EPc Ash Hardell's ABCs of LGBT on asexuality Link to post Share on other sites
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